I started gambling back in 2010, placing a few bets on the World Cup, and lost a bit of money. I stopped after those few bets and started working a temporary contract, and by Christmas I had no debt whatsoever. In January 2011 however, I began to gamble again and soon found myself mounting up debts on credit cards and overdrafts, I would frequently borrow from payday lenders such as Wonga, and by the end of year was over £3000 in debt. I gained employment in early 2012, but gambled away most of that, all the while ignoring debt collector letters.
I returned to university in 2012 and sure enough the trend continued. Between September 2012 and April 2013, I had gambled away roughly £3000. In the April when I received my student finance I withdrew all my money straight away to avoid temptation. September 2013 came along and the urges returned. I wasted all my student finance and had less than £300 to live on for roughly 2 months. Between September 2014 and May 2014, I'd gambled close to £4000 and felt pretty rubbish. Luckily I found a job over the summer months so I was kept occupied and managed to pay off a large chunk of debt. I thought I had kicked the habit, but I was wrong.
As of December last year I received an email with a free bet, and somehow managed to turn £20 that into £700. I lost this within a few hours and proceeded to wager with my own funds. I made over £1000 in a few hours off a £15 wager(my poison of choice was Blackjack) and lost the whole lot in a few minutes. That brings me to today in which I have gone from £800 up to £1200 down in a few minutes.
I am upset with my loss but in a way I feel relieved. I think a part of me gambles to lose, yet I don't know why I feel this way. I confessed my addiction to my partner in 2011, but she was very harsh and unsympathetic, so she is unaware that I am still an addict. I suffer from moderate OCD (the kind where I have to touch things several times) so that obviously doesn't help. I am worried not about now as such, but what will happen when I finish university in a few months time and hopefully go back into full time employment. I am wary that I will not be able to kick the habit, and waste all my wages, and then have no home.
I live with my girlfriend and her parents and my family and friends are all about an hours drive away. I worked fulltime for a few years before my addiction started, and had only gambled once or twice in my whole life. I'm sick of being an addict as I am a smart and strong willed person yet I just can't get the monkey off my back.
It's been carthatic writing this so I hope someone reads this and shares their experiences with me 🙂
Hey there, I don't know if you have read others' threads and diarys, but you'll find that yours is a familiar story following a familiar pattern. I think that's the problem with us compulsive gamblers, we cannot win as no win is big enough. We chase for bigger wins and in doing so lose everything that we had previously won and so the wicked circle starts again. You're here now, time to stop beating yourself up and to start beating the addiction. You're right to try to tackle this before you're in the money again but there are lots of things you can do to help yourself including blocking casinos on your computer etc. I've also been advised to phone Gamcare which I am aiming to do Friday when I have some time as they can help with counselling etc. You can beat this though! You are young and have everything to look forward to rightly so. Well done in taking the first step, I wish you all the luck in the world with your recovery.
Rachel x
Familiar story to me!! When I won I felt invincible and thought I had a winning formula.. No win is enough and I couldnt even figure out what to buy with my winnings once withdrawn.. So they were gambled into losses..
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