Last year I was at rock bottom and tried hypnosis to stop gambling. It worked for almost 4 months then my depression returned and once again I relapsed. After a heavy bout of gambling I was planning to end my life. When you get to the point when everything is planned and death is easy, you start thinking of how your death will affect your family, My mother is a schizophrenic and I was certain that the police coming to her door would send her back to hospital for another breakdown. I so dearly wanted my life to end, feeling pathetic, hating myself for being weak and irrisponsible. My life has become so lonely and Christmas just multiplies that by 100. I have no friends and I've pushed everyone away. This, I've read, is a common sympton of depression. I can honestly say that at 43, I have tried everything to stop and recognise that there is no place in my life for gambling. It's killing me and with it there is no hope, only darkness. I no longer enjoy gambling as I know that when I win it's only funds to continue gambling with. So I wrote my suicide note and had everything planned. If there is a God, I prayed that there might be another way. I once again tried to be pro-active and searched online for help. I came across the 'National gambling clinic' in London. I went to talk to them and they offered me a drug called 'Naltrexone' which stops the cravings to gamble. I must add that they don't hand this out unless have shown that you have tried every other avenue. I was ecstatic when they confirmed they would prescribe it to me along with a course of CBT. I started this just over a week ago. In the last ten years I have gone through periods where i haven't gambled but eveytime my bouts of depression are the cause of relapse. After Christmas is out of the way it's a relief and I feel positive at the moment. What will happen when my depression returns, we'll see? I hope to give you good news.
If, like me, you have bought Gamblock, self-excluded, read problem gambling self-help books, or attended Gordon Moody and all this has failed, maybe you should give them a call.
One thing to tell people who don't know, there is a bank card you can get from Monzo that blocks gambling transactions. I think you have to have a smartphone thought and I have a phone with no internet access so can't get it.
All the best, I'm hoping 2019 will be the first year since I was a kid that i haven't gambled.
Hi canterbury 100,
Sorry to hear of your struggle with gambling that has led you to feeling very low. It's great news to hear about your acceptance for medication and the CBT course.
I have also suffered for many years with a progressive gambling addiction and depression that accompanies it. I'm very fortunate to have had a good amount of time away from the madness of addiction. My recovery really took hold from seeking out CBT therapy although I wasn't too hopeful that anything would help me. I was told that if I was honest, openminded and willing to put the work in that I would see the benefits. CBT therapy has transformed me into a different person with a new way of viewing myself, life and others. It gave me the tools to be able to adapt my distorted dysfunctional beliefs I had about myself, the way I interacted with the rest of the world so that I had better coping skills which resulted in having peace of mind and contentment. In fact I was so amazed with how it changed my life from suicidal gambling addict to feeling content and happy in my own skin with little to no stress that I became a CBT therapist myself. CBT is no magic quick fix cure but once you *** the concept and are willing to apply it to your daily living then you will soon start reaping the benefits.
I wish you all the best with your journey ahead and hope to have an update in the future.
Take care.
Hi,
Thank you for your encouraging post. I tried a CBT course for depression about 10 years ago and I gave up half-way through. Up unitl that point i found it helpful but as you'll know, when you are in the grip of chronic depression, it's hard to leave the house. Yes, I will have an open-mind. My main trigger for gambling relapses is when the depression hit me two or three times a year. My immediate thought is gambling and I find it impossible to shift the compulsive thoughts. I have used gambling as a coping strategy from a young age and it's self-destructive. I spent most of my childhood in care and I think my fear of rejection is possibly the number one trigger for my bouts of depression. I look forward to speaking to the therapist about that. like you said, I must find a way to change my pattern of thinking and learn new, positive coping strategies.
My experiences have given me more empathy, and I too hope to help people in the future.
Thank you.
Stuart
Hi Canterbury100
It sounds like you've had a difficult life and a challenging time in recovery. Thank you very much for posting about Naltrexone and CBT. As you say, Naltrexone is not prescribed often, so it would be very interesting if you could keep us all updated about your experiences with it.
Best wishes,
Forum Admin
Hi Canterbury 100,
I can really relate to where you are with the depression and like you I also suffered a traumatic childhood. During my time in recovery I've managed to address my severe self rejection issues that were driven by my childhood experience (feeling unwanted, not loved and constantly criticised in my case). With the tools of therapy I've managed to accept myself and have love/compassion. The reality is that for anything to improve regarding depression gambling has to stop. The hard transition is to have your gambling crutch taken away whilst you are learning coping skills and adapting to life on life's terms. I can assure you that with the right support it is absolutely possible.
Take care.
Thank you both for your kind messages. As for naltrexone, it's been three weeks. In December, I drank about 20 bottles of wine as I was lonely and depressed. In the last 20 days I've had one pint of guiness. So far, my cravings for a drink have gone too, so two birds with one stone. Without doubt, alcohol is a huge trigger for just saying 'f**k it' and ending up in the bookies. I'm applying to volunteer at the homelesss shelter that took me in a couple of years ago when I was destitute. I will keep you all posted about my progress.
One month free from gambling. Not even a thought or a temptation. Only drank one pint of guiness since new Year's eve. Double bubble. 🙂
Wow, well done, keep it up x
Update.
I haven't gambled since taking this medication. It is potentially life changing and I'm starting to believe I might have a future afterall. A few things I should mention. After taking the medication for a few days I woke up feeling nauseous and had hot and cold sweats. I tried to make myself sick but nothing came out. My head was splitting in two and I couldn't get comfortable or sleep. After 10 hours I called 111 thinking I was on the way out. I took an ibuprofen and started to feel better. I wasn't 100% for a few days but haven't had any of these symptons since. I guess it was my body adjusting to the medication. I thought I should mention this in case anyone on here is thinking of taking it. Don't be put off, Naltrexone is worth the discomfort if only for a few hours.
You can't drink alcohol on this as it's also given to alcoholics. I haven't even tried as i don't like being sick. My issues with depression haven't gone away. I've had some difficult days where I've felt very low. In the past during these spells I would either drink, gamble or both. I now see that because I can't do either of these things, my depression doesn't last long. In the past I would feel low, gamble or drink and then this depression would last weeks. I know that my issues with depression aren't going away despite not gambling or drinking, going to the gym 4 times and week and changing my diet. I've started looking into counselling and coping strategies when I'm feeling low.
The first thing I would think about when I started feeling low would be having a drink and then gamblling. I can say that I haven't had a thought about gambling and not a single temptation to bet. This is life changing. I have managed to save some money and looking into getting back to work. I'll keep you all posted.
Stu
Just wanted to congratulate you on your gf days. Well done and keep it going. Depression is awful and completely understand what you have said. It seems the medication is helping -please keep updating about this as I'm sure many are interested at its impact.
Your posts are so much more positive and volunteering sounds like a great idea to keep you busy, give you more self worth and to know you are helping someone gives a personal sense of achievement so I hope that works out. Good luck with your continued road to recovery.
Bex
Great to read.hope is what I'm taking from this thread
Thanks for the kind posts.
Since taking the drug I haven't had a single thought of gambling. I can't say i can take any credit for this as it's this miracle drug that's been prescribed to me that's changed my life. I honestly believe I wouldn't have made it had this drug not become available. Last night however I had a dream I was playing fruit machines. It appears that the drug doesn't work in my sleep? I woke up in a panic thinking I'd gambled. I just hope this medication keeps working. I will keep you all posted with my progress.
Stu
Stu it’s an interesting help, I googled them online and can find them without prescription but they are expensive, the were over a pound a tablet, how many do you take?
I take 1 50mg a day and get these free on the NHS as I'm currently unemployed. I would be wary of getting these on over the internet without a prescription. You can't be sure you'll be getting what you pay for. And yes, they are expensive.
canterbury100 wrote:
I take 1 50mg a day and get these free on the NHS as I'm currently unemployed. I would be wary of getting these on over the internet without a prescription. You can't be sure you'll be getting what you pay for. And yes, they are expensive.
I agree and will not be getting them ,could be anything and it could take some explaining if they make me ill. Don’t think I could just rock up to the doctors and say I need them though, good luck to you.
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