Good morning,
This is my first post and I'm new to Gam Care so hopefully I'm posting in the right section etc.
I've recently confessed all to my partner about my secret spread betting addiction. The short story is that I've been at it for about 10 years and lost easily 60K but the last 2-3 months have been the worst. I've closed my account, got rid of my smart phone and given her access to my bank account so she can see money movements if she wants to. I think in the couple of weeks since I told her the anger and hurt are starting to kick in and I expect will only get worse. I've messed up enormously and feel theres a good chance I'm going to loose everything that matters i.e. my family.
In so far as the gambling, I've got no urge to return to it. I was spread betting on foreign exchange and made constant losses to begin with until I came to understand the markets. Then I found that more often than not I could turn a profit but my big downfall was that I was too aggressive and couldn't hold on to the money and eventually made a loss. That cycle just repeated itself with me just telling myself that I would crack it one day and wipe out all my losses etc etc etc.
Although I never thought I had a problem I was able to walk away from it for months/years at a time without any problem or strong urges to return but something inside me would give up and I would think "I'll make it work this time". My behaviour in the last couple of months have shocked me and made me realise that I definately have lost control, I'll never make it to the top of that greasy pole I started trying to climb 10 years ago.
Anyway thats the short version and I don't want to harp on too much. I've made my own mess, I need to work my way back out of it.
I'm now unsure as to if I need counciling. As I said, I don't struggle with strong urges to return and although my track record says that I do eventually start again after a break, things are different this time because my partner knows and if she doesn't kick me out then I would stand to loose my kids which I can't even bring myself to think about. Can anyone who's had counciling say if it helped them? and does it help 'just to talk'? and if so, whats the best way to go about it? I kind of feel that I'm in no mans land at the minute.
Any advice, help etc gratefully recieved,
Good luck to everyone,
DD
Hi DD, yes in the short answer it's good to talk, but who you talk to is very important. Most people even so called 'friends' are too busy with their own lives to have the time to understand 'properly' what has gone wrong in yours. I owned up to a couple of family members and the closest person I had to me. They were understandbly devasted, but in the end they did not really appreciate the addicative issue. I think trained counsellors understand addicative behaviour, but they can only offer a limited time each week for 'gamblers'. I guess the only real way forward from the mess we create ourselves is too fight within yourself, I am trying that now, I needed to reach I guess rock bottom. Every night I go to sleep in a mess, wake up in the early hours shaking, knowing I have messed up big style and I have no debt. It's the re-alisation eventually that the money is never coming back, read Duncan Mac on here, he got to the edge, the rock bottom, a day from losing his house his family, and he has survived and embraced a recovery free gamble life. Good luck
Hi Danno and welcome to the forum.
Spreadbetting is something that is alien to me but the underlying issue is one of addiction. The one big win to sort out all the problems. You = spreadbetting. Me = slot machines!!!.
Counselling is one of the many tools available to you. Along with GA, this forum, gamcare chat room etc.
I had 12 counsellingsessions which were free and provided by Gamcare and it helped me to understand "why?".
I, like you was on the verge of losing everything. I gave up cash, cards for a long period of time. I attended counselling. I worked at my recovery every day.
Please just take one day at a time. The situation is not going to repair itself overnight.
Have a read through some diaries on here.
My life with addiction
Abstain and Maintain
Triangles recovery.
These 3 diaries are from individuals who have stopped gambling for many years but more importantly have taken huge steps to embrace recovery and to address the addiction.
Best wishes
Thank you both. Appreciate the advice.
Welcome to the forum, lots of knowledge and experience on here.
I have never gone down the counselling route but I have seen many people hugely benefit from it.
I chose the GA route I find it useful to share and listen to likeminded people. from the people 10 years into recovery to the people at similar stages to me and getting the constant reminder with new people like you walking through the doors.
Make sure you give at least one option a go as we say on here nothing changes if nothing changes.
KTF
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