I’m sitting here almost suicidal but not going to do anything silly. I have too many people that love me to do it.  I’ve been getting worse and worse lately and today blew almost a months salary in under an hour.  Chasing crazy gambles on a fobt. I’m happy In my personal life but I’m unaccountable to my partner as we live separately.  I know what you’re going to say and that’s to come clean but it’s honestly not an option. She has been deceived in the past and I’m not sure the relationship is ready for this bombshell. Im going to a meeting tomorrow. I attended GA for 5 years and was clean for 6. Then the death of my wife at 36 after a long illness sent me off the rails in 2016. Not an excuse I was long enough Into my recovery to know what I was doing the time has come to start getting serious again. Im an hour away from a bet and will be taking it an hour at a time and will reply tomorrow when I’ve returned from the meeting.Â
thanks for listeningÂ
Hello DTS
I understand the relapse and you are not alone in experiencing this.
However we also know that you have to tell someone close to start a proper recovery
its an illness and a drug addiction. There is no shame in reaching out and admitting it has complete control over you
The recovery is mainly about turning that from a negative scary statement to a positive one for strength while leading a life of positivity.Â
If you are determined to stop you have to sit down with people explaining how you have access to cash, time and location in order to gamble.Â
Your gambling sessions will make no sense to non gamblers but the exercise in humility is priceless
This is no longer about secrets. Gambling took your pride and self respect away a while ago
Hold up the white flag and please ask for help. if you dont bring out the big measures you will relapse time and time again.Â
You actually protect others by telling them. of course they will be initially shocked.... you are when reality dawns again after the gambling drug wears off with no money left. Not facing them is scared, twisted thinking and we have all been through that stage. Other people can help you. Secrets are NO GOOD for you
Watch some documentaries like the Paul Merson one. Expressing his emotions takes guts humility and knowing it must be done to face the addiction. He is also helping others
you need to do the cold turkey and can never be complacent again. I dont think you can do the meetings in isolation from telling loved ones you trust
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
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