Easy Pickings For The Vultures

Posted by: slowlearner

ANOTHER DAY

Hi all, 

Log in tells me 1195 days since I last gambled. Doesn't feel like that it seems like yesterday. Easy pickings the vultures flying over me, leader of the flock telling me " Come On Slow " reward yourself have a bet you've earned it. Possibly no less gullible today than I was more than 3 years ago. Nevertheless wiser I hope. 

I'm delighted to have been on this journey of recovery, yet it's a bitter sweet taste. Trying to evaluate, look forward & yet still searching for positives that may one day heal me. For sure I can compare todays life with my old one & say things are 100% better but the weakness of my soul worries me. I'm impressionable, someone who can listen to someone's success or wins & want to buy in.

Not really sure what I want to say in this post except today is so much better than yesterday. Each day is a struggle, yet that little bit easier than the previous. People come, people go, some confident they'll continue with abstinence, others simply disappear. I often think of them who've gone. Truth is there ain't no cure for this wretched addiction. I got many tools from this site & those who guided me & I'm thankful. Maybe tomorrow I can use those tools & skills & be able to say I HAVEN'T GAMBLED when the clock strikes midnight.

Best

 

Al

 

Well done Al on your 1195 days.Unfortunately there is no cure for this awful addiction and I know only too well how that one bet can become many more even after a year gf.

It is a struggle to stay gf but I know it's worth while and each day will get a little bit better as long as I stay gamble free.

Thankyou for all your support and wise words I enjoy talking to you and you have really helped me .Talking to people who truly understand really helps me as I don't feel so alone.

I will continue to use the tools that have helped me before and continue learning on this journey of recovery.

One day at a time .

Thanks again Angel

Well done... It sounds like you recognise the signs of complacency and that's what got you to post, to reaffirm your commitment to your recovery.

If it helps, I have done 1000 days plus in the past as well but when i did gamble again... I was soon back in the endless cycle of abstinence, gamble, abstinence, gamble.... as if the 1000 plus days had never happened.

Like you say, one day at a time.

Hi Angel & SA,

Thanks for taking the time to post. SA I hope I recognise the signs, yet the amazing thing is we still get tempted to do it. The misery, strife & unhappiness it inevitably brings yet still we feel we need it in our lives in those brief moments of madness. I sometimes wonder if CGs are wired up right. I think at 66 if I went back it would probably be the point of no return for me & I try to stay mindful of that.

Angel, you talk of wise words & help I gave you but remember support is a two way thing. I've also learned a lot from you & so admired the grit you showed after your surgery. It would have been easy to take the easy route, not feeling good & having to stay in & rest. I definitely would have struggled under those circumstances. 

You're right, it is a struggle maintaining recovery but for sure life gets better without that in our lives. Remember by going back to that we don't just hurt ourselves too often there are innocent victims affected by our addiction. I'm so glad you've returned & if you went a year without gambling  I've no doubt you can continue to progress. We all make mistakes but if we learn by them then some good can come from it. The bottom line is It's never too late to stop.

Sincere Best Wishes Both

Al

Brilliant Post m8 thanks i agree with every word of your post m8. best wishes.

Hi Johnny,

I have to say I sense something different about you right now, even though we've been chatting for 3 years. Take it from me without gambling despair is replaced by hope, chasing losses is replaced by valuing what we have left & that OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE YESTERDAY feeling gets replaced by thoughts of no matter what I've done before things can be improved upon. Looking in the mirror, taking responsibility is neither easy nor pleasant, but the start of the healing process. I don't just mean for ourselves but for loved ones for too far long they've suffered. Imagine one day in the life of your partner not waking up to the consequences, the shock, and horror of constantly living on a knife edge waiting for the full horror of what we've done yet again being revealed. 

What ever it is you're doing right now keep doing it old friend, you're doing fantastic. Don't disappear again. If things get difficult talk to someone.

AL

PS. CHESTER LE ST tomorrow

Hi Al really got me thinking after last night's chat about all the things I have done due to gambling.It was good as it really hit home and made me determined that I don't want to go back to that way of life.As time goes by it is so easy to become complacent and although I shouldn't live in the past sometimes a good look back can help even if it can be painfulWe as compulsive gamblers have probably all done lots of things we regret the main thing to put that right I feel is to try our best to.live a gamble free life.

You are doing great and your family hopefully are now very proud of you.

Take care 

Angel

Hi Angel, If last nights chat was thought provoking that can only be a good thing. I'm absolutely thrilled you're gonna be a grandmother, I'm buzzing for you. Can I be frank & honest ?. Well you're at a crossroads in your life now, you can become the gambling granny never there for your grandson/grand daughter preferring to be in a casino or gambling den. ,the alternative is to be the granny who wants to be there for the little one's first day at nursery, the one that volunteers to pick them up from school when the parents are working, the one that sits & reads a story with them, Let me tell you when they're older &  you weren't a good influence on their lives, that loss is much worse than money lost. Not being there for my sons graduation when I was too busy chasing losses still haunts me today. More than ever now Angel it's make your mind up time, so what's it gonna be ?. It all comes down to making the right choice. 

Sincere Best Wishes

Al

Good evening Al.                                           Thanks again for your wise words.

Yes I do believe I am at a crossroads on my life and really don't want to continue on the road I have been on for so many years.

I'm looking forward to having a grandson and think I will be a wonderful nan.On one condition that I do not gamble!

I have missed so much due to 20 years of gambling and don't want to miss any more 

So sorry you missed your son's graduation but this is what the addiction does.It changes us and we do things that we wouldn't do if gamble free.

Living life to the full now is what's important and your loved ones will benefit from the new you?

Sorry my phone died tonight! Grandbaby is due end of march ?

Hi Angel, 

I'm so glad you were feeling better tonight. A total contrast to how you were just a few hours before. It's true what they say " Urges come & go. However it's getting through the times they arrive that can be difficult. Forget about your slip & take the positives out what what you've achieved since coming back. Addiction plays mind games with us, looking for that chink in our armor, that moment of weakness & trying to convince us we can't live without gambling. You've held up well in difficult circumstances, & you're going to be a grandmother shortly.  Keep going, the futures bright.

AL