I'm so annoyed at myself. I've fell off the gambling wagon, big time. I hate myself (again), I wish I could stop, I have in the past but it just comes back, it haunts me, it is forever lurking in the background, always there, it whispers to me, it tempts me, it shapes me, it is me.
I have a lovely family, I look after them but they respect me, they think I'm a good Dad, a good husband but little do they know, if they knew how much of a loser I am. I time and time again fall foul of temptation, I'm not the strong person they think I am, I am weak, I am not what they see, I harbour a secret, a big secret - I am addicted to gambling. I have been addicted to gambling for decades, since I was a teenager. Why? I wish I knew, I wish I could go back in time to the time when I put my first coin in a slot machine and stop myself because it has ruined me as a person.
I want to stop, I don't want my family to know. I want to stop without them ever knowing how silly I have been. I thought I could do this on my own but I can't, I obviously can't else I would have by now.
I know I should talk to my wife but I'm afraid of her reaction, I'm afraid the admission will mean she won't respect me, I'm not sure she'll understand that gambling is an addiction, it is a drug. Being a C*****e addict is easier to *** I imagine, its a substance that you like and need - gambling to most I imagine would seem completely different, less addictive, less important, easier to combat, easier to stop. Only those caught up in it really know how it works, how it drives people to do silly things even contemplate the ridicolous -
I just want to stop.
i can completly relate to this posthow much are you spending? its as if i have written this........
Over £1k tonight...
wow is that a regular thing? itake you have a good job to be able to afford this much.... i only had 15000k in savings and now i have spent half that on gambling its ridiculous i feel so weak at the moment have you self excluded? what do you gamble on?
jc at the end of the day you need help.It would be a good idea to read through a few posts on the diaries section.
Also you may be surprised by the reaction of your family when you tell them about your addiction to gambling because when it does finally come out it can really hurt the people who are there for you.When they ask why you didn't go to them.
I read somewhere guilt is a very close thing to self pity.
If you can get to a gamblers anon meeting it will help you tremendously.
But please stick with this forum as there is exceptional advice on here on all subjects regards compulsive gambling and some wonderful people who are here to help and encourage.
Regards Jeff
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