The dreaded payday

topcat 149 days showed strength that you can do this, I'm sure everyone has relapses. I read somewhere it's not the times you fall that count but the times you get back up. It's 1 relapse in an amazing 149 days so you've proved that you can do it, get back to it and think about what you can do with the next paycheck you receive. I get a paycheck on friday so that will be a day I need to show strength, I'm planning on going to sign for a gym membership, I hope that if I feel the urge to gamble I'm going to try and go for a gym session or swim and see if the urge goes away. I may not acheive it but that's my plan. Good luck mate.

as above say's it's not about the falling it is about the getting back up !! i think it is very common for people to think they are on the road to recovery when they are substaining for a reason like debt but the minute that reason is gone they do not substain...

it is going to take alot of strength now there is not as much of a reason not to gamble... a few people have said to myself about putting blocks in place this may help you.

i also think you really need to focus on the 149days you did good and take this weekend as a learning curve!!

the biggest realisation i have had is knowing like an alcoholic or drug addict we can not just gamble here and there

we are addicts it needs to be zero.

i have also joined the gym and power my way through most urges on the tredmill or swim then relax in the sauna/steamroom

and think about how for once i am actually winning !!!

good luck i had my first big paycheck and i paid a holiday for summer and signed up for a 5k run

focus on something that will take you away from your temptation 🙂

you will be back topcat and you can do it

You are in the early stages of realing that it was fear and not willpower that was the main driver. I was patting myself on the back for two months when to be honest everthing was going on paying debts while in a state of fear. Pure fear and willpower have an effect but they are not enough to really tackle the problem

Then I would go on at two to three week intervals. Some were six days and I was patting myself on the back, pretending I was in control so I could gamble again. I did this for 10 months before doing something better to block it

The minute I felt slightly ahead again I used it as a mental reason to gamble a bit. Of course a bit turned into cleaning out my account.

So you mention a key point that as soon as we feel the money is ours again it can all start back up

Do you have the blocks in place now?. Is a family member helping you?

It is worth a chat with the doctor. They are very nice and it can only help.

All the best

It's all came to a head day, telling my loved ones that I've let them down again. Obviously it didn't go down well. I didn't do it for sympathy or a helping hand. I just felt like I needed to let it out and it was killing me that people Still thought I was on the road to recovery. Part of me is thinking I can't do this by myself anymore. Maybe I do need to go and see someone to get to the bottom of this. Feeling very low today and struggling to pick myself up from this one.

Thanks for your replies everyone and good luck

Hi

You cant do it by yourself and there is no shame in admitting that. Youve tried the first stage which is thinking that pride and willpower can do it. Relapses do happen when you do not have enough blocks in place. It can happen in a click of the fingers. Payday and youre off gambling in an instant because thats how powerful the compulsion is. Its so powerful it can make the urges feel subtle and before you know it youre just doing it.

What you havent done is fully respect gambling as a serious brain addiction. There was a programme on the brain the other night and our brains actually take control of the body to feed its own neuron path.

Your family will have to realise that they must step in and take control. Your finances need to be with them and you wont be able to gamble without extreme difficulty.

You do need to go and see someone. Theres no shame in seeking someone to talk to. Compulsive gambling is an illness and youve clearly crossed the line where serious help is needed.

when you start stage 2 you will be even stronger. Its almost impossible if the real blocks are there and you will feel great that you have less to worry about

All the very best

Hey Topcat,

As mentioned by many others here, it's not about the falling, it's about how you get back up and by coming back to these forums and communicating this with your family and friends then you're doing the right thing. I along with many others in the forum here have relapsed and it makes you a stronger person over the long term as you realise your limits, just stay close to those around you and use them every step of the way as they are your rock and always will be.

I would highly suggest going to your local GA as this can further help for you to understand this horrible illness and associate with others also going through exactly the same thing that you are. The 12 step process helped me greatly and would recommend it to anyone wanting a helping hand along the way.

It's important that you go back to step one and take every day as it come, hand over finances and put software on your devices to block any immediate access when in times of temptation. I found it of paramount importance that I accepted what I could not overcome which is this horrible demon and I'm powerless over it.

There are many people to speak to and seeking some help could be a viable option which by the way is very useful as they truly understand what you are going through which I found vital with my recovery.

I look forward to tracking your journey and I wish you the best of luck with everything. Stay strong soldier.

Andy (Compulsive gambler)