The final straw

But losing was in truth the better outcome, it's lead you here.you would lose it eventually mate.

Can I ask why just 6 months?  I take it you aren't ready or wanting to quit?

This is a familiar story for us all

Winnings are never winnings really. Just borrowed money until it is given back. 

Nobody who gambles regularly stops after a big win or indeed any win.  Why would they?

Top up your exclusion to 5 years. Then when that ends do another 5 etc. 

All the best for whatever you decide my friend. 

Hi, don't beat yourself up. You made a mistake and you excluded which is good. Quiting gambling isn't easy  so putting stops in the way is a great way to start. I'm at 3 weeks again after being four years gamble free. It can be done but it takes time and effort. Goodluck!

It is true, it is very rare for someone to stop gambling on a big win.

Most I ever won was around 3 k, I abstained for a while but it all went back in.

Most people who stop, stop on a loss.

Take it what you will, think about the money as never being yours, and it is true. Most people who win large amounts typically save most if not all of it. The money might be in your bank account, but do we ever spend it on something useful?

welcome to the forum, it sounds like as u would have been able to buy soo much with the win that you are gambling at large stakes, with this in mind you can cause yourself a lot of damage at high stakes and lose a lot more than a car.  Lets both stop this gambling for good and not be in any financial trouble.

Very true what people have posted here re: the money won is never really ours to spend. Even though I'm sure that most of us really feel we are owed money from all that we have lost. It makes us angry and frustrated to think that the money we worked so hard for has gone, with nothing to show for it. But we must change our mindset in order to put gambling behind us and move on with our lives.

Hi

For me step one just for today I will not gamble, it sounds so simple yet at times seems impossible.

For me step two just for today I will not carry more money than I need on my person for food or petrol and will hand over my finances to some one I can trust and will not give in to my manipulation or bullying.

For me to attend meetings to help me understand how emotionally vulnerable I was and also how to improve coping mechanism with people life and situations.

For me gambling was a form of escape, it was not love, it was not fun, it was a form of self abuse.

For me to stop living in the past, money lost, opportunities lost, lies told, feeling guilty and ashamed.

For me the recovery program is not a religious thing, the recovery program is method of healing from the pains of my past and living for today only.

I use to say that people life and situations use to stress me out, that was not true, it was my unhealthy reactions to people life and situations, my unhealthy reactions was my problem.

All the time I was focused on other people I was not looking at myself.

Only when I said to myself that me gambling is a very unhealthy thing to do today, so today I can do any thing with my life but gamble, that is disabling that is enabling for me.

There was a time I use to think and feel that gambling was every thing and exciting to me and life was boring, the opposite is said today, that gambling was boring, and life today is exciting and stimulating.

At one time I had been clean for some time and we were in Florida on holiday, we  were leaving our hotel room to gout and there was a lady who was obviously cleaning other rooms.

I asked Shirley to go to the lifts and I would catch up with her.

I asked the lady cleaning other rooms if she had been cleaning our room, her response was fear based and a look of shock, she said yes and I told her how much we appreciated her doing such a good job and I thanked her, in that split second her face changed and a look of pride was on her face.

As  walked towards the lifts and talked to Shirley I asked myself what was it that I rarely showed gratitude and appreciation towards other people.

One unhealthy fact was that I took so much for granted, I did not value myself and I did not value other people.

That was to change for me, a lady who was serving people asked me why I was so polite and appreciative, with out thinking my reaction was it was an expression of my values.

Gambling was every thing to me at one time.

The only way I felt I could feel successful was to win money, I did not think or feel that my actions and words were not worthy of credit.

In the recovery program I would change but it took time and effort, the recovery program was not going to stop me gambling, that was to be my own choice, the recovery program was not going to make me become healthy, that was to be my own choice.

In the recovery program with the help of other like minded people was going to kick my a*s in to gear to become the best  and healthiest person I can be each day.

For me the recovery program is very much mountain climbers who learn from other peoples experiences how to be safe, how to learn new healthy non risking skills, and to be safe and secure.

For me the recovery program with people who have taken recovery seriously and are healthy people help me live my life with out any fears, how to heal my pains and how to interact rather than react in unhealthy ways.

For me the recovery program was going to help me heal that hurt inner child in me.

In the recovery program people will over come their denial that hey had a perfect life, that was never pains in their life, that they do not live in fear.

For me the recovery program enabled me to talk about any thing which is non offensive.

I had been a victim of emotional abuse, I had been a victim of physical abuse, I had been a victim of sexual abuse, I had been a victim of neglect and abandonment.

Knowing how painful my child hood was I use to often justify transferring my pains fears and frustrations on to other people, I moved from being the victim to being the perpetrator, how cruel was that.

The recovery program helped me understand my emotional triggers and over time my unhealthy reactions reduced.

So do I want to bury and suppress my pains today and escape people life and situations or do I want to interact with other people in healthy ways today.

The choice is mine, with each lie comes fears, my honesty today is a kind of maturity and openess I never thought was possible.

Things that use to make me angry today make me laugh.

 The recovery program helped me become healthier and more productive than I was at any other time in my life.

I have made contact with lots of people who were healthy and healthy spiritual yet not religious, those people were step twelve to me.

Today I am not willing to hurt myself or other people.

Love and peace to every one

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Thank you to everyone for all the replies and for the advice. It's just so hard to accept what I've done even though I've done it many times before. It's wierd how we can win so much, sometimes more than we could realistically hope for, and yet all it takes is for one small insignificant loss from these winnings for us to lose our minds and all sense of self control. We start betting bigger and bigger until before we can even stop and think, it's all gone. On many occassions, despite a small loss after winning, I have still been up by a lot, and yet feel like I have to get this loss back even though it's not a loss because it is money I had won! Baffling! Our though processes are so messed up!

The problem is, part of me wants to just exclude myself for life from all gambling sites and be done with it, but at the same time it's so hard to even contemplate doing this. Gambling is something I have been doing, and have loved doing all my life! Even as a kid I loved the trips camping with my family just so I could go to the amusements and play the fruit machines. I would secretly save my pocket money all year for this. As I got older, the addiction obviously became more severe and destructive by betting on football, online slots, roulette and blackjack. The trouble is, like all of us, I love it and it's such a great way to take my mind off everything. The destruction and devastation it has caused however as well as the negative effect on my life, mental health and finances is a whole different matter. I guess I feel trapped. Anyway thanks again. 

Also, yet again I now have to try and stop thinking about it and move on whilst walking to and back from work when I could have bought a car. I keep thinking about stuff I could have bought myself to make my life better had I not been so stupid! With regard to self excluding for life, I also worry that I would regret it.

You still dont seem to realise that the money won from gambling goes right back to the casino. Its not about the money. The chemicals in our brains make sure we put it all back! So the car you would have bough would be sold, if not, in the course of x time, the value of the car would go back in, in form of x money that day and x money that day etc. 

When we win, we get that safe feeling that we are now up. Therefore we feel like we have "safe" gambling from there. But soo  the winnings are spent and we panic that "he had so much, now we lost it all" and the chasing of illusory money starts. Its twisted as s**t!

Sign up to gamstop my friend. Online self-exclusions are useful but there is always another casino. Its the only way really once your ready to stop. Am not preaching by the way. Ive been deluding myself for 25 years and still struggling, but can't dwell, must move forward to a better and gamble free life. take care.. S.a