This might sound a little harsh but..

cg rambler

I suspect those accessing the forums do so for a multitude of reasons and there is no straightforward answer as to why some come and go? Maybe on the "rebound" after a big loss, a "lapse" etc. Some might just ignore what is said to them, some part take it in, some become fully committed to cure our addiction.

In many ways the most "hard nosed" and sensible thing to do, is just solely focus on yourself and forget about others? After all this is cyber space, you will never meet any folks on the site in real life. But I think part of recovery, is reigniting your own self respect and showing kindness and compassion to others. Which has usually been lost whilst being a CG?

You are clearly taking such a positive route. So maybe just accept that part of the "downside" of engaging with others is that some may not wish to help themselves. However there are still hopefully many others on here, whom are doing there very best to help themselves and others, like you are.

Gra60,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. There seems to be a recurring theme about focusing on yourself which i'm pretty sure i'm trying to do but perhaps I do need to remind myself of that! I find it very interesting what you say about reigniting your own self respect by being compassionate towards others, we do definitely lose a lot of that when our gambling is out of control.

I find it feels really good to post on here as often as possible. It keeps the issue at the front of my mind so I don't get complacent. I've certainly had that complacency or the feeling of blocking it all out in the past and it's probably contributed to my failures to get on top of the problem.

cg-rambler

I often see things as not being "black or white". A bit like us CG's different backgrounds, experiences, means of recovery etc. For example, could also be that your method of regular posting on here, works for you. But maybe not for others? Sorry if this comes over "as a little harsh"?!!!

My sincere advice, is for you to currently solely focus on dealing with your most pressing issue i.e. not gambling. Then in tandom and/or when and if opportunities arise. Expand, which hopefully will be soon, to start focusing on starting putting right any collateral damage that has been caused as a result of your CG?

Gra60 that is kind of the exact point i'm making, I am focusing on not gambling and the reason i'm trying to engage as much as possible with people on these forums is because I find it is extremely helpful in achieving that. Additionally I have made it virtually impossible to even be able to gamble in any way.

Fortunately I dont have an enormous amount of collateral damage casued by my gambling as it is mostly myself that has been affected. However the damage that I do know that I have caused to others, mostly trust issues in my relationship, I have been working on over the last few weeks and will continue to do so through transparency of my finances and by being a better partner.

Totally agree with you I've seen a lot of people posting here and just relapsing straight away after a few days and posting again looking for sympathy,I don't post too much on other people's diaries unless it relates more to myself but I do be on everyday reading every topic on here and this has helped me reached 40 days gf,this site alone and well of course along with the help of my girlfriend who manages my bank card.

When I joined the forum I thought I was very open and forthcoming. I wrote quite an eloquent post about losing £700 in a fruit machine. I thought I will make it more detailed and soul searching so people can see Im sincere and reasonably intelligent 🙂 Ho Ho. What did I know...I was nervous and that was my way of dealing with it. I thought I will go one up on those that just write a few lines because I mean business 🙂

I politely nodded along at all the welcoming and advice as if I was on one of my Hi Fi forums. I didnt really understand much about the addiction and to be honest about it now I was sceptical about what possible use a recovery forum could be. I had my own preconceived and snobby ideas that it would be like a GA meeting I couldnt cope with twenty plus years ago. An idea that I was a lightweight gambler with minor problems and I didnt really want the stories in darkened rooms about life savings stolen from biscuit tins

As I have often mentioned I did nothing about the advice or what anybody was saying for 10 long months. I started repeating the advice to others as if I had joined a club and knew it all....meanwhile I was constantly relapsing after managing a month through sheer fear and no money left after paying some bills.

One of the best things that happened was someone caught me out for being a hypocrite and mentioned it. I forget who it was but I thank that person now. After deleting my posts in a huff ( which was childish, silly and part of being an addict) I really started thinking about it, my hypocrisy and just how I had been acting on and off the forum. I just started to realise more how this addiction was controlling me and how much money I continued to lose. Nothing added up....I had joined a forum and had then done nothing effective about stopping. I had every excuse in my mind...... embarrased about self exclusion forms and pictures, not wanting to tell my parents and just feeling that it was a level of stupidity that I could not admit to. There is a twisted comfort and a twisted dignity in certain secrets and I understand why people find it hard.

People on a forum were at a comfortable distance....you didnt really know me and I was hiding behind an internet connection. Telling my father was a whole new level but it needed to be done and I finally realised that.

So I can understand why people find it hard to stop. I have developed a sixth sense but at the same time Ive been there and people in glass houses dont throw stones. I try and put something back in but I can only mention things and I cant make people stop until they are ready to do so

Best wishes to everyone on the forum

That’s the reason not many members will post on the new comers section. People will write an initial post get feedback and never be seen again. It’s frustrating sometimes, but if you can get through to one out of 10 it’s worth a few minutes of typing.

Same thing happens in the other sections. Where you’ll notice they’ll have a multitude of diaries with the same tales different week. Some get a lot of support and throw it back in people’s faces. When the gambling dummy gets spitted out. You get used to who’s worth posting to after a while and who’s best left alone.

Best to look for people who are at least trying to stop gambling. Not just those who pop back after their weekly loss for a there there arm around the shoulder.

Just my humble of course

I couldn't agree more but I think we just have to accept that the majority of these posters just aren't ready, either:

- They have arrived off the back of a bad loss and just want to vent

- They don't want to stop gambling, just losing (you can normally spot these ones because they use monetary values)

- They know they should stop but don't WANT to.

- They are looking for a quick fix and, having been given correct and valuable advice, realise that there isn't one and go back to their old ways.

We can but hope that they eventually come back with the right attitude and that, in the meantime, something may stick.

Yes well said Phil. Thats the line "looking for a quick fix" then "realise there isnt one" on their terms.

You can almost see their brains ticking over on the advice and they are off...silent... vanished. You can almost see them thinking its all too heavy as if we are the mad ones or nutters advising them.

As Josh280 says I find it sad when I feel I am wasting my words. I dont want to give up on anyone but what can I possibly say when they have been back a few times and are still confused.

Then again I have every sympathy because we are watching someone in the grip of a full addiction which isnt letting go.

Im very worried about the number of people joining but know this is just the tip of the iceberg with an issue that is exploding exponentially. I see the adverts now creating new addicts on a large scale

so yes I do hope something we say plays on their mind and they come back with a fresh slant and willingness to really seek recovery.

Best wishes