Why cant I be like everyone else?

Hi Alice :))

Good question but also the " Million dollar " one if you'll excuse the pun .

I guess everyone's just different with levels of self control really ? , I've gambled for at least 40 yrs until I stopped a while back and most things caused me no issues until the machines in the bookies were installed . 

I could walk away from everything else but it was like I was chained to them by a bungee chord as they alawys pulled me back , never drank to excess and can take that or leave it no drugs other than ciggies which i quit 20 odd yrs ago and never had an online bet in my life , so work that little lot out ? . 

We obviously get the reward hormone from from addiction and with some things just have no " Off Switch " I guess ? maybe it's just what floats your boat really ? . 

I get the envy part too as it would be nice to at least be seen to be perfect but I'm pretty sure everyone has some sort of vice although there not always visible ? . 

We may never be cured of addiction but we can control it :))  

I've no idea.addictive personality most would say.

You will always have it .manage it well and life gets better 

Hi Alice,

Thats a tricky one i wish i knew what made me the addict & cg that i am. The fact is i am what i am and gambled for over 40 years causing pain & hurt to so many others as well as myself. Of course id love to be Mister Ordinary who places a £5 fun bet every Saturday on a yankee or a football coupon, But for the rest of my life i have to accept that once i gamble i cant stop.

As far as being jealous of anyone who can have a flutter then walk away win or lose im not jealous at all. Each day when i wake up i just feel thankful. Thankful for not thinking o*g what did i do yesterday. Thankful for not having to gamble all over again in order to try and win back yesterdays losses. Thankful i havent got to lie & be in complete denial. Thankful i dont feel sick to the stomach every time i hear the mail coming through the letterbox with a bank statement showing numerous deposits to the gambling industry.

All i can say is that since i stopped 283 days ago i dont remember feeling as happy & content as i am now for years. Keep going stay strong and for sure the jealousy and negative thoughts will pass as the benefits of a clear conscience and being free from the chains of addiction will far outweigh any feelings of resentment.

Sincere Best Wishes

AL

Hi Alice 

It was very important for me to put more time and effort in to my recovery than I put in to my addictions and obsessions
The addictions and obsessions were a form of escaping in my fears, the addictions and obsessions were a symptom that I was emotionally vulnerable.
When I went to the addictions and obsessions were a way of me escaping in my fears from people life and situations I could not cope with emotionally.
The recovery program was going to help me help myself become healthier and healthier.
The recovery program was not going to stop me gambling that had to be my own daily choice.

Is it genetic or due to trauma in my life, for me it was due to trauma in my child hood.

While I was being consumed by my addictions and obsessions I was burying and suppressing my pains.

I used to drink so that I could over come my fears of emotional intimacy.

I hope that helps you.

Love and peace to every one

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Hi Alice 

Your post makes so much sense and resonates with me a lot. I am a 35 year old mother and wife who has been compulsive gambling for 5 years with debts almost reaching 38k! On my really bad days I keep thinking why me! I’ve been through enough in my life without having to contend with this on top of it! But now I am starting to realise it’s these underlying issues most probably causing the gambling addition. I have an addictive personality, but luckily have Always been able to control other substances like alcohol and cigarettes To a moderate consumption. I don’t why I cannot do the same for gambling! I just wanted to say I know how you feel and sending you lots of positive encouragement. 

I was always around gambling, my dad worked at the races and dogs, my mother went on the fruit machine in the club all the time, my mates all like a bet...it was around me from 16 , it was thrilling to win, always was but the bets became bigger and so did the losses.

its ruined a lot in my life and only in the last few years have I admitted to having a problem when in truth I’ve been a CG for 30 years.i wanted to be the big shot gambler...I got shot alright.

Hi

In taking my recovery seriously I started to value myself and respect myself.That is strange that before recovery I use to beat myself up and call myself names.

So how do you go from self hatred resentments giving up all faith and hope in your self to being proud of your self.

It is about healing our hurt inner child, no longer burying and suppressing our pains, it is about being committed to going to meetings, handing over my fiances, and exchanging unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.

Writing things down, writing down my wants,  writing down my goals, writing down my future commitments and future celebrations.

It seemed strange to not be angry, it seemed strange to not be angry, it seemed strange to laugh at myself, it seemed strange to be so dedicated to healthy living.

Love and peace to every one

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

I feel exactly the same. Except I’m not just like this with gambling. 5 months ago I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult which explained a string of my behaviours. 

Gambling being one of them. I have a problem with impulse control, I’m unable to stop myself from doing things that I want to do, I also have low dopamine due to ADHD which gambling completely gives me.

however I am also very impulsive with most things in life and spending on other things.