Hi,
This time last year i could afford nothing but a small bottle of perfume for my wife. As usual she'd ruined me with gifts even though i begged her not to. I'd been GF for 4 months,and handed over my finances to her alone. Xmas day filled me with shame & embarrassment knowing i couldn't give nearly as much as she'd given me. Present opening i felt so low & apologised for how little i'd been able to give. She asked me when i'd placed my last bet and i said the 9th of August that year. She hugged and kissed me & told me that knowing that was the best xmas present she'd ever had.
My pocket money is around £35 a month but if i tell her i need a haircut,new trainers or a winter coat it's provided for me without question. It was so hard at first, i felt trapped, controlled and the thought of continuing like that horrified me. As Joydivider describes i live on a sandwich allowance. So moving on to xmas 2019.
I have saved from my sandwich allowance, struggled scrimped & saved, and i've bought her a new watch and ear buds to link up to her iphone. I know it still ain't much but oh boy that feeling of achievement, that appreciation of money ( not gambling chips but real money ) is gonna make the best xmas present i've ever had this year.
For the first time in years, i'm calm, happy and looking forward to the big day which is gonna be a day of giving rather than receiving. And bear in mind last xmas i'd stayed away from gambling for 4 months. This year i've stayed away from gambling for 16 months. Whilst gambling i was one of those people who you give £10 to and i'm all right but give me £100 & i'm all wrong. I'm not proud of that but i'm immensely proud of the fact that i now recognise the way i'm addicted. A massive milestone for me.
Happy xmas to all on this forum & i hope you all remain strong in your continuous fight against this wretched addiction. God willing in the morning i'll wake up & tell myself Just For Today I Will Not Gamble. From the bottom of my heart thank you all for your unconditional support and i wish each & every one of you a successful recovery.
Sincere Best Wishes
AL
That’s such a great story.
Happy Xmas AL.
Hi...I totally relate to your post.
The christmas present thing really brings it home to me, how destructive my addiction is.
Happy christmas.
AL,
Thank you for sharing your story of the last year with us. It is moving and inspiring in equal measures. I hope you are rightly proud of yourself x
Dear @slowlearner,
What a wonderful post! Thank you so much for taking the time to share it with us all, I got great pleasure from reading it and took such pride in hearing how you have had sixteen months gamble free! I'm sure others will feel the same and receive great strength from it too. You are an inspiration and proof of how you can turn your life and wellbeing around.
You are doing amazing, you should be very proud of all that you achieved. The sentence where you say " i'm calm, happy and looking forward to the big day which is gonna be a day of giving rather than receiving" really means so much to hear that you are feeling so content within yourself, your life and looking forward to the festive period with your Wife.
Never forget how far you've come and all that you continue to achieve with each passing day.
Sending you and your loved ones all the best for Christmas and please remember we're always here should you ever want to speak to us. Please do keep posting on our forum and sharing your insight in to problem gambling and life after overcoming it.
Kindest Regards
Joanne
Forum Admin
That is so uplifting to read! You get it and should be very proud of yourself.
It is a a real pride, serenity and feeling of achievement.
No ifs no buts.... a full recovery just seems right when a person is truly ready to reach out for and accept help.
You know I call it a born again moment because it is. Its like starting to see everything again in a healthy way. Things both large and small take on a new perspective like your eyes are open and the brain healthily receptive
I often wonder how hard people think it can be compared with the devastating alternative of a gambling addiction going unchecked.
Yes I do call it a sandwich allowance ( laugh) which obviously covers basic necessities. A vital point here is a truly recovering gambler wont worry about what they are given and will take a pride in providing receipts because it is a very positive and orderly thing to do. Peace of mind compared to previous chaos
I had no problem with the fact that the trust needs to be earned again. I may never fully recover that trust but that is fine as I will never be complacent again
My very best wishes to you
Hi Joydivider,
Thanks for your reply it means a lot, as does your wisdom & support you've freely given to so many of us fighting this vile addiction & dealing with the aftermath.
Sincere Best Wishes & Have A Great Xmas
AL
Brilliant story and the element from your wife last year sums it up for me, it’s all about stopping, not lying not wasting,
you will get a huge hug this year!!
enjoy
matt692
I agree with everyone else's sentiments on here. I'm so happy for you and wish you a fantastic Christmas. Take a moment to yourself and reflect on the hard work you've put in over the year. well done.
Lovely post AL,
I went to town on Friday to do a bit of Xmas shopping. Had flashbacks to all those years of doing that 4 or 5 days before Xmas & heading straight to the bookies. Getting any presents then meant piling them onto the already stretched credit card.
Worse really is that I’d spend 4 hours in a bookies and perhaps 40 minutes shopping. Gave more thought on a race at than a present for my wife or kids. One year with the credit card rejected, she got a CD. Knocks me sick thinking about it.
It was always a relief that there would be no racing on the 23rd and 24th, but all’s I would be thinking of was getting back on it on Boxing Day.
It was my second go on here when I arrived back in August 2018 and one of your posts was the first I read. Something must have triggered in my brain because after reading the rest of your posts I thought “well, if he can do it, what’s stopping me”.
I’m sure there is no hierarchy in addiction but equally I recognise that if I have it bad, some people end up in worse places.
your recovery has absolutely inspired me and I know I’m not the only one.
I described myself as a coping addict, but in truth some days my mind just seems all over the shop and leads to dark thoughts and places. I do know that I can come back on here, read your posts, often laugh and occasionally well up with tears.
My love and thanks goes out to you and everyone else fighting our addiction.
And my prayers go out to those who started the journey but are missing in action having taken a wrong turn. Never to late to get back in recovery.
Massive well done on passing 500 days. Your wife must be so proud of you.
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