18TH JAN 2013 - Time to let go.

WEEK 6. DAY 37 - "It's another day, it's another "NO" (to GAMBLING)

I'v'e actually been thinking a little bit about gambling this morning............. not so much urges to want to gamble, rather just literally thinking about it - maybe just see it as a craving. Are they both the same anyone??

With these thoughts in my head, I decided to read some diaries and particularly, some new members forum posts. I also went back into my online bank account to remind myself what I have been able to pay this month, treat myself to and how I have still got money left to take me through until next pay day.

Again, I am going to keep it simple and uncomplicated and tell myself that at this stage in my recovery, it is still ok to have thoughts, urges, cravings (thoughts in my case) but make sure I remind myself that the important thing is to remain focused on my mini/future goals and how remaining gamble free can help me to achieve these.

Feeling sad today as well regarding something personal that happened to me over Christmas. Maybe this has affected my thoughts in a negative way???

I am still off work and my back is still not right so I am just going to take it easy for the rest of the day with maybe just a short walk to Asda and back.

Chin up Feb, your'e a strong girl!!

Feb - Determined not to let the sun go down on "The Bright Side of the Road"!1

Feb,

I think you and me are going through this together in time frame, dreams, thoughts, ect... in my post earlier today I was reflecting alot on what gambling did to me. How it changed my mind and personality. I think were just reflecting on what it did to us now that our minds are clearing up. Were making great progress and were learning, actually reteaching our brains to find a new way of thinking. I don't think having thoughts of gambling is unheathly for us, it keeps us from getting complacent. Keeps us on our toes, so to speak. So when you get a thought about gambling, remember how down and out it made us. Stay strong my friend, and thanks for your words of encouragement.

Chicagoguy

Thanks Chicargoguy and I will remain strong, just like you.

Take care.

Feb.

Hey Feb, glad to see you're staying strong! 37 days is great! Take care and keep it up 🙂

Stub.

Thanks Stubbsy. I will do and hope you do too.

Feb.

WEEK 6. DAY 38. "It's another day, it's another "NO" (to GAMBLING)

Nothing much to report or say today other than I am just 'floating along' in my GAMBLE FREE bubble!! Now I know all bubbles eventually burst but this bubble is coated with self control, determiniation and grit! - so has no chance of doing such a thing.

Feb - Floating along "The Bright Side of the Road"

Hey Feb,

Your doing great, congrats on day 38 and week 6, gamble free. Just wanted to drop a quick note and say keep on keeping. Your doing great.

Chicagoguy

Lady Feb 🙂 Was nice talking to you tonight... Hope you're ok lass, was just messing with the scouser banter. Love ya really! 😀

Take it easy and you're doing superly well!

Mr Stubbs x

Hmmm............

Have been feeling somewhat upset tonight whilst on chat, I just mentioned that I was watching the match. There was a bit of banter about this between a few people along with other light hearted conversations.

I was told by a Gamcare staff that it would be better not to talk about football as this could act as a trigger. I did apologise for this as I would not want to be saying/doing anything out of term. I do feel however that It is important for us to learn how to manage our triggers rather than to avoid them.

Maybe I'm more upset than I would normally be as I have felt a little flat/sad for the past few days over something that happened to me over Christmas, however, I may just take a break from here and chat for a few days.

Bye for now.

Feb.

HI Feb,

Sorry to hear your feeling a bit down and upset, try not to take it to heart I suppose the gamcare staff are just trying to protect people but i agree in the later stages of recovery its important for me to understand my triggers but some people never do.

We say it all the time recovery is bespoke design it yourself for what worsk for you, if you feel that taking a break from here will help then do it but we are all here when you return, if you feel that you have upset someone and your taking a break them perhaps reconsider.

We are sensitive souls us compulsive gamblers dont take it personal and dont let ANYTHING affect the good work you have done so far, if you feeling a little down maybe now is the time you need your diary more than ever.

Just my thoughts.

Take care

Blondie xx

Hi Feb,

I hope you are feeling a bit better after a night's sleep. If you do decide to take a break I will miss you because you've been a great support to me and many others. Let us support you for a change so if you can stick around we'll provide whatever support we can.

The road to recovery isn't going to be all positive, and feeling down is part of life, but try and keep your head high because you are doing so well and you definately don't need to go back to gambling to make yourself feel better.

We're here for you Feb so let us know if there is anything we can do to help x

WEEK 6. DAY 39 - It's another day, it's another "NO" (to GAMBLING)

Thanks Blondie and Samorgo for your kind words.

It's been a 'funny odd' couple of days!! How do I say what I really want to explain, being such a private person and without sounding too melodramatic??

Well here goes.....

Over Christmas, I was badly assaulted by someone who apparrantly acknowledged that they had a distaste for "Scoucers"!! I was left with a very nasty head injury, requiring hospitilisation and treatment to a large laceration, requiring several stitches.

This incident left (this very strong woman), me feeling very shocked, devastated and traumatised. The person was caught and charged with this assault. They have since pleaded NOT GUILTY!! and now I have to attend a trial and give evidence at this trial on 13th March!

This leads me up to why I think the last couple of days, I have not quite been myself and felt a little flat/down. I had the police call me last Thursday with some results from the dna/forensics, explaining that this report will be used at the trial. Due to this call, I think (I know), that this has brought this terrible ordeal back to the forefront of my mind again.

I have been off work since this terrible incident and felt that I was just about "turning a corner" but now feel that this has set me back a little again. You may have noticed lots of my posts have been early hours of the morning due to poor sleep patterns since this incident but that was definitely getting better and together with contacting Gamcare and joining this forum, as well as attending counselling sessions for the above, my days/weeks were becomming more manageable and less traumatic.

So going back to "chat room" last night, I think part of the' banter' just hit a raw nerve and reminded me further of what I have been going through the past couple of months. Again, when the Gamcare staff member chairing the chat recommended that I refrain from talking about football, normally, I think I would have just accepted this sensibly but as I am super sensitive lately, this was not the case last night and I found myself feeling really upset and sad again.

On a positive (and Feb always likes to end on a positive)!! I have enjoyed writing in my diary thus far and sharing/commenting on other peoples diaries and making some lovely "cyber" friends. I have also enjoyed my "chit chats" with everyone in chat room and these are the main reasons why I thought I should share the above with you all (even though I find this to be one of the hardest things to do)!!

Take care everyone

Feb - I'm a gambler "GET ME OUT OF HEE ERRRE"!!

Hey Feb,

Stay strong, your truely an amazing person after all you've been through. I wish you the best in your recovery and I thank-you for supporting me in my diary. You will come out stronger then ever after the dust has settled, I'll be thinking of you.

Sincerely,

Chicagoguy

G'day Feb 🙂

Just read your latest post... I'm really sorry 🙁 I wasn't meaning to upset you.

Hopefully I'll see you for another wee chat tonight. Don't want you to feel uncomfortable and stay away, kinda selfish but I don't want to lose your support! It's really helped me, thank you.

Hopefully speak to you again soon,

Stub 🙂 x

Thank's Chicagoguy for your kind and encouraging words. Means Much appreciated.

Take care.

Feb.