2 Big Steps

Thanks Smiler

Another 300 gone today but i cut up my credit card this afternoon. No access to any cash now for 13 days, none at all.

Will have to really tough it out now. But like you said its down to me and only me

Write it all down they say.

Friday gambled for 4 hours after work. Lost

Saturday gambled for 3 hours. Lost

Today gambled with the last £50 in my bank account and the last £600 on my credit cards. Lost it all, even though I was up several times.

Was seconds away from telling my wife tonight, broke down but just lied that I was feeling down about work.

I don't seem to have a single morsel of self control right now, though I did cut up my credit card so I can't use it next month.

I've been to 2 sessions of counselling and they have been really positive, when I visit this forum I come away feeling great resolve. But then I just fall at every hurdle I seem to see in front of me.

I will only be up when I stop.

Have a great week everyone and thanks for reading and listening

Kevin

Hi Im Kyle. Thanks for reading my new diary and i would like to similarly give you my admiration for what you are doing and sharing here.

Well done for telling your son that was a big step. I hope he can give you a lot of encouragement and support. The more people you can tell the better and of course it would be great if you can manage to tell your wife thats for you to decide at this point.

I've read through your diary and well dome for the 1 to 1 counselling i hope it goes well.

what i have learnt is you can only stop when you truly want to stop. We CG's are a different breed. You can convince yourself that you you really want to stop when you have a disasterous spree and a big loss. but somewhere deep inside you know you wont. Its the pain of the loss talking, because you know what you really want. You want to win it back. You want to right the wrong. You will stop once you are even.. or up. So sometimes you can really mean it when you say you want to stop... but until we let the loses go.... there is always that point where you feel like you want one more go to redress the balance.

Let go your loses. Make peace with the money you have lost. Personally im over £120, 000 down i have estimated. Do I want it back? No. I can honestly say good riddence. I paid for life experience and it brought me plenty. Do I want the time back? Oh yes please. its the time i wasted i mourn... not the money. It never really is about the money though... is it?

dont worry about your relapse to much. learn from it. write everything down. all your feelings and thoughts. good and bad. the main thing is your were honest and brave enough to say you had a slip. try coming on and post to your diary. even if you dont have time to read anyone elses. post something. you will eventualy see the signs and symptoms in yourself.

Im in a very confident palce now. I wont be complacent. I am a compulsive gambler and im afraid i always will be. But im winning because i have now learnt i can never win by gambling.

Whatever is your trigger. whatever is your reasons for doing what we do. you will find them. then you can deal with them. One day at a time my friend. You can do this. You can beat this.

BE POSITIVE. STAY STRONG. JUST BREATHE

Kyle

Hey guys

3 days gamble free again

Credit cards cut up

Cash still in my wallet

Got to keep it going

Hope your all well

Well done Kevin. Keep it going mate. You know if you gamble you will lose. Dont give it away to your bookie mate

another day in control

keep fighting

Kyle

5 days

96 hours

5812 minutes

Gamble Free

Day 6

Gamble free

Tough day today as Friday is my finish work early day and go have a few quid

But I didn't and im home

Have a great weekend everyone

K

About this time last week was the last time I had a bet. Granted I've got very little cash right now but there have been opportunities and I haven't Gambled.

Pretty chuffed with myself right now

Hey Everyone

Told my wife tonight. Feel like I just had 2 ton of weight lifted off my shoulders. It's going to be tough but it's going to be better from now on. A happy Kevin.

Hello Kev,

I recently joined this forum around what seems to be a similar time to you. I also seem to be in a similar situation as you, feel positive and strong then the temptation comes again and takes over.

Anyway just posting to say I feel what your feeling, its so very hard. But I keep telling myself that if I keep working hard, one day it will click and I will be able to 'abstain and maintain'.

I took the option of being open with alot of my friends about my problem and they've been supportive.

Keep posting on here and you will keep recieving support.

Cheers' T.

Keep going kev early days but sounds good

enjoy