2022 independence captured let's see how I do

Another few days done and dusted, no vices intaked so thats great...... been offered some extra hours at work painting and decorating coming up so happy about that.... going to ask for a pay rise in my next review as ill be back down to minimum wage in april....

Another few days done..... Works going well got a one to one next week with my new manager so that's good will see what occurs.

Watched New season of Ozarks really good watch loved it.

Went to flat today and done some work..... Floor in lounge has been cleaned and got all staples and nails out....  It's looking shinny as new loving it ..... It's actually what I would have gone for if I'd have chosen my perfect flooring.... Loving it.

Spent couple of hours scrubbing hallway floor today...it seems to have some concrete or cement over it in parts so trying to get it off....could take a while.

Gonna get a new oven and with it I'd like to update the kitchen on a budget.... Maybe paint over cupboards.... Install new tiles if possible and new lino flooring....one thing at a time tho.... Cloakroom first....paint it.....new tiles....new lino..... New towel hooks....toilet roll holder etc .... To make it look more homely.

That's the new plans then also gonna order sofa, tv stand, chairs, microwave, toaster and kettle..... Then get them all in ...

It's really taking good strides....

Was gonna go down next weekend but my sister's coming over Saturday so mum thinks have a weekend off..... Can't argue with that I'll just chillax....

Recovery going great..... Can't wait to hit 800 days and beyond.....

Missing people's posting on my diary tho but it's a great safe space to put down my thoughts 

All the best Adam xxx

Bbb 

Hey, good work in your journey  this far! Keep it up, your life sounds like it's turning  a corner for the better! Truly worth exploring. 

As of support and posts....just an idea...maybe posting to others will generate  more responses back to you? Not always the case but in the past, I was very fortunate  to find a lot...A LOT of mindful  souls just conversing back and forwards. 

All the best and keep it up!

You got this

S&B xx

Hi adam, really proud of how well your doing. Doing up your flat and moving in is going to be a big step and a huge achievement for you.

Your doing amazing in recovery, keep it up 

Stace x

Hi San and stace xxx thanks for popping by..... Yes San good idea..   today I would love to get a post back from Lou to say how she is doing...... She briefly came back to the site to say she'd been back gambling for a while but she hasn't posted on her diary for a while and I've asked after her on numerous occasions...  Would love to see her back on the site here to get back to getting the help she needs and deserves?

Had a lovely day off today...... My sister came over with my nephews and niece and played some games..    was lovely to see them ... . They certainly are growing up......

Back to work tomo just the one day off this week as I said I'd do some overtime tomo...... Bit of extra cash......  

Was a bit down yesturday and can't be helped we are all down at some points .....

Recovery going well no urges altho I did fancy a glass of wine tonight I must say ...... But I didn't.....

All the best

Adam xxx

I've put photo of my new lounge flooring as profile pic to show u all!!!

It's come up super shiny I love the floor.

Hello my lovely diary.....

Eventful time.... my sister and nephews and niece came over on my day off on saturday which was nice played some board games etc.....I went and did some overtime on sunday (fixed a paving slab, cleared gutters, moved some flower pots, filled in some massive pot holes and tried to fix car park lights) all great to do different things, then my nephew tested positive on sunday and i got a track and trace text so i texted work manager and have to get a pcr before going back to work......  So this morning 845am i was in car park doing pcr and now awaiting negative result so i can go back to work tomo.

Good thing was i will get paid for today and i managed to do a few hours at the flat sorting out the hallway flooring whilst my dad painted the skirting boards in the lounge....

One more coat on the skirting boards and lounge finished too...... so i am going to start to take dvd shelves and stereo down soon 

Plan of action:

1) Paint skirting boards lounge.

2) Order sofa.

3) Order another dvd shelf.

4) Take lounge things to flat.

5) Finnish washing flooring in hallway.

6) Get quote for carpets and order.

7)Start kitchen and Cloakroom.

That's enough to get on with over next few weeks!!!!!

Recovery going great.....Budgeting going great...... All the best Adam xxx

update number 1) and 3) have now been done horray.....

Ill order the sofa on saturday.

Then ill take my stereo and dvd shelves down on sunday.

Been off work sick today felt like i did after vaccines headache, glans up, achy etc...

Took some paracetamol plenty of fluids, couple of baths.

Then had an idea for work so done a presentation quickly and sent an e mail.....

Looking forward to getting into my flat been looking at computer games today retro ones and if i can find my old ones in loft ill take them to my flat for some entertainment when friends are over!!!

Mental health wise saturday night was pretty bad but i didnt take any extra meds and controlled it so that was good.  Heard a few voices recently whilst ive been at work which doesnt usually happen.

Negative pcr, then just posted another one today so should get results soon but should be thankful im negative i guess with my nephew visiting us and having it now.

Recovery going well im not thinking about gambling anymore its a distant memory, i think not being on facebook really helps as i dont see the adverts as much now.

also i dont play the free poker now on fb so that helps to not be thinking wow im great lets play for money or go to the pub etc..... ive not played a game of free poker for about i guess a year now so thats great.

ive bought a shirt and a jacket this month 48 pounds 70% off retail price, yep pricey full price 79 and 59...... and in total i spent 1200 after bills exactly for the year from april last year..... so two weeks ago i thought lets try to keep it to 100 pounds a month for the year ie not spend any money thru feb and march.....ive got ten pounds for a couple of coffees but it will be super tough to not spend anything.... lets see what occurs.  However 100 pounds a month is a great achievement... on top ive put things for flat and not counted them eg paint, laptop, tv, etc but after bills its 1200 exactly so thats great. 2016 was 8k so ive come a long way.

Im rambling again but i like to on here its my sacrid special personal space.

all the best adam xxx

Update......been super ill!!!!! I've literally been in bed the whole time coughing with temp...

Phoned go this morning as I've been off for six days now....  He signed me off till 15th.....

No sleep last few days and surprisingly not feeling as bad as I should be.....

Looking forward to feeling human again......

All the best Adam xxxq

Hi diary, update 4 days later, im still off work ill till wednesday the earliest but think ill have to have an extra few days to a week off as well as still feeling pretty ill (coughing, fatigue, not eating etc) think  if i went back to work straight away it would be a shock to my system.

When i do go back im thinking a staggerred return maybe three hours a day at first would be best,.... have to see what they say.

Starting to feel human again although it really knocked me for six over first week.....

The fact im writing on here is a sign that im getting better i feel (the last time i wrote i was supper ill and couldnt write much.

all the best adamxxx

#hi dave, thanks for your thought provoking response.... when i was down was i emotionally vulnerable ? and feeling sad? Ive tried to look back to my diary today to find out but i can only see a time when i was down which related to my independence and resulted in me wanting to stay with folks here and curl up and not do anything......  i think it stemmed from change and the unknown?  whether i should move out away from my safety net of home living.  Ivwould say i was very emotionally vulnerable every time i have these thoughts..... and as a result of these thoughts sad too.

Yes once you stop a number of you vices at the same time you do feel empowered and essentially you have to be careful not to seem over confident and not brag about it as there are people who are really struggling with it.

Ive come thru these thoughts now and come out the other side... im now looking forward to living both with and without my parents...ill look to make the best of both worlds..

thank you dave.....

Adam

Yes the independence I am gaining also is isolation as I'll be living on my own untill I get on my feet then after a year when I'm used to it I can either get a flat mate or continue on my own ......  I do mix with my parents well and I'll miss that so will be visiting home a number of times each week......  So in a nutshell it's independence but hopefully not a lonely isolated time .....  I believe that it's going to work out for the best I'll strive to do well at work where I will have company then look to spend every other night at folks to begin with ......  I'll defo miss them but at the same time they need some alone time as people say so it should work out better for them too?   

You've really hit the nail on the head here with ur two posts Dave so thank you...... It's made me both realize something's and appreciate other things I have..... The best of both worlds being independent but not to independent will be best for me...... After all I don't want to loose sight of everything I currently have but don't want to turn down the possibilities of what can also happen with independent living.

Thankyou for your post on my diary adam. I have replied to you. Take care x