Please excuse any vocabulary or punctuation errors.
Background- Student, Gambling 5 years.
I have decided to create a diary to document my feelings whilst I begin my battle with gambling.I have been reading forumns on GAMCARE for several months now and in comparison to some people, i gamble relatively low stakes however the process of gambling still provides high levels of emotional distress which i believe i must now begin to change. Through reading forumns, i have realised that most posts follow similar patterns. I have gambled too much, i am embarrassed and feel guilty, i am in debt and i am now 100% sure i wont gamble again. My story is similar, however, i am currently not in much debt but im steadily on course for large debts and i am currently 80% sure that i will gamble again that is why i have decided to create this forumn and begin my journey.
Today I lost around £1000- a relatively regular occurance- on FOBTs and online roullette after following the typical gambler fallacies whilst in a stae of panic and depression. Surly if i deposit another £1000 and back zeros i will win my money back as 0 is due. It is easy to forget that each spin is completely random. With each spin, a part of my personality disappears and is replaced with anxiety and guilt and my relationship with money is also severely damaged regardless of the outcome of my gambling. Previously, i have pawned my belongings to get money for that ' one last bet'. This is not healthy behaviour and it is one of many unhealthy behaviours i am in a habit of whilst gambling however i will keep this post short for now.
It is now time to accept that i have lost. I took a chance and came up short and got beat by a game and an industry which is made to beat me. It is is a horrible feeling but i now must use this feeling as a reason not to gamble again. I have seen an increase in gambling addictions within people around my age probably due to the extensive advertisements on television and the ease of which you can play and this makes it more of a struggle for me also. I hope that with support from my fellow gamblers, day by day i can fight the urge to gamble. It is a long and hard journey and i must respect the power of addiction. I am aware that gambling may be the result of underlying depression or something similar and it would be good to hear your stories of how you overcame this.
I havent explained my gambling habits much on this post as it was mostly a ice breaker but will update regularly with my progress, my struggles and information about my gambling addiction and the consequences it has on relationships etc.
I appreciate all replies.
sign up to Gamstop - do it now , absolute game changer
UPDATE-
Unfortunately, woke up this morning to an email saying a timeout period at an online casino had ended. I then deposited £400 and lost £50 on my first spin. Thankfully, for the first time, it hit me what i had just done and i withdrew the £350. I then deleted all online accounts. Seriously considering self exclusion from local bookies also but first hurdle is definitely online. I feel terrible about the whole thing but need to take the good with the bad and be proud that i withdrew.
Having paid for my Car, Board money, several subscriptions etc I am content with my bank balance and a little bit of money in my wallet which i hope i could stretch out over the next week or so if i am sensible with food choices etc. Feel terrible with what ive done but ive realised that its easy to talk the talk now i need to walk the walk. Im now 12 hours gambling free? thats a start right? Just going to focus on making sure each hour is a gamble free hour.
Thanks Shakethedisease for the recommendation. I tried googling gamstop but no luck. Do you have more information on this?
shake the disease wrote:
sign up to Gamstop - do it now , absolute game changer
Signed up for gamstop this morning, thanks for this recommendation been looking for something like this for ages.
you're welcome, hopefully you did the max 5 years. for the first few weeks GF its an absolute godsend and trust me you will test it out in weak moments and go through lengthy registration processes only to be told at the end that you cant join until eventually you stop even trying. youve just cut off 75% of your access to gambling you just need to self exclude yourself from bookies and casinos and stay off the bandits in the pubs, the phrase 'its a mugs game' is overused but that is what we are - mugs, being mugged off by greedy corporations who dont care about the misery out there that they caused and boosted by greedy celebrities who would advertise mustard gas if they can add to their fat bank balances.
shake the disease wrote:
you're welcome, hopefully you did the max 5 years. for the first few weeks GF its an absolute godsend and trust me you will test it out in weak moments and go through lengthy registration processes only to be told at the end that you cant join until eventually you stop even trying. youve just cut off 75% of your access to gambling you just need to self exclude yourself from bookies and casinos and stay off the bandits in the pubs, the phrase 'its a mugs game' is overused but that is what we are - mugs, being mugged off by greedy corporations who dont care about the misery out there that they caused and boosted by greedy celebrities who would advertise mustard gas if they can add to their fat bank balances.
Yes i put 5 years. I completely agree with everything youve said. Definitely a big step in to stopping gambling. Had several thoughts today about gambling which is expected but have stayed well clear of bookies. Every time i have an urge i log in to GamCare and read the countless number of forums which include hundreds of thousands worth of debt, bankruptcy and even people thoughts of suicide. This should be enough to prevent anyone from gambling. When the fun stops stop? Would they say that to a sufferer of any other addiction? Now is the time to stop and i couldnt thank GamCare enough for providing an environment to make this possible although now it on me to wash my hands of it.
Another day gamble free. Been fairly relaxed after a rough night last night, very light sleep and waking up countless times feeling anxious and restless. A few thoughts today about that one more roullette spin which will sort all these problems. Nothing a read of a book and a skim through Gamcare Forums couldnt sort. Hoping for a better sleep tonight. Early days but rome wasnt built in a day. lets do this.
Hi there,
well done on another day gamble free - you have made really positive progress I think. You've put barriers in place to stop yourself, which is excellent.
We all have thoughts of gambling, thats unfortunately the nature of the beast. I can see you are doing your best to develop a strategy to beat this. You're right that Rome wasn't built in a day - it takes time I'm afraid. Have you considered any hobbies or activities to fill the time in?
Also, would it be worth a family member monitoring your money? That's what I'm currently doing now and it is an excellent barrier to stop gambling.
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