25 years gambling has killed me

It’s Xmas eve and as I lay here seeing all the happy people looking forward to Xmas all I can think off is never gambling again and how sad I am. The addiction has killed me as a person, it’s been the closest I’ve been the last few days to ending my life. I have two beautiful girls and that’s the only reason I’m alive. In 25 years of earning decent money I have nothing to show for it. I’m a sad, lonely loser who needs to grow up fast. My girls this think I’m a hero, I’m a sad act and before they will realise that. This is my last chance to quit or I’m done. They would be better off without anyhow. 

Hello Chris

I am so sorry that you feel this way, it is clear that gambling has had a terrible impact upon your life and I am really glad that you have made the decision to stop now. If you haven't done so, please do contact our Help or NetLines, so we can discuss what help and support is best suited to you and your recovery.

In terms of how you're feeling I would urge you to speak to your GP and let them know and they can advise on extra help for you at this time, also if you have people in your life that you can reach out to, now is the time to build your support network.

The Samaritans are non judgmental, confidential and free and many people find talking to them very helpful they're on 116 123 24/7. Our Help and NetLines are also available 24/7 and if you find you are feeling very suicidal please call 999 or take yourself to A&E.

You are not alone with this and your girls, most definitely would not be better off without you. Problem gambling affects all sorts of people and for many it become very compulsive, it is a mental health issue, not a failing on your part. However there are people that care, and plenty of help and support available and it's all free, so please do reach out.

Wishing you all the very best with your recovery

Forum Admin

Hi Chris, 

I've been where you are now. Please don't give up, you can do this. I know from experience that's there's nothing much that I can say to you right now that's going to make you feel better, but you must have hope for the future, a future where you're not self-destructing. I'm about 4 years away from my last gamble, I still remember with clarity how I felt in your position. I know it seems desperate right now, but that won't be the case for long. You will find a way to get through this next month, although difficult, I am sure. Sign up to Gamstop if you gamble online, and follow Forum Admin's advice. The people on here got me through difficult times a few years ago, pour your heart out, go on to live chat or just read diaries, whatever gets you through. It'sprobably hard to imagine life without gambling, don't think of the highs, because they were only very short term, try to bottle this feeling right now and take a sniff if you become tempted to gamble again. Best wishes Chris. 

Twirly

Hi Chris, 

Firstly dont give up. My last  bet was the same day as yours and im in exactly the same boat as you with children and a family. Today is a new day and a new start. Yesterday is history and theres nothing i can do about it. The only thing i can change is the future.  Its a tough road ahead but we can do this together on this group. Im 40 and have gambled since i was 15 and lost everything. But this week start has been a new start for me in my life. Although i work hard ive got nothing to show for but ive not had a bet for 3 days now and i take solice out of that. Ive never been as happy these last few days since ive joined here. I know ive not been off gambling long but im pretty confident my life will get back on track in the coming months. Good luck mate. We can beat this awful disease together.  Please message back and let me know if your ok. Regards Paul 

Hi mate I am exactly the same, 40 done all my wages yesterday, no money for bills etc, I have come close before to the ultimate end, but what stopped me is the fact as a gambler I am so impulsive, that if I was to attempt it I would immediately regret it.

Please, take a shower, have a coffee etc and a f*g, take the time to realise you CAN recover. 

Posted by: Chris7975

I’m now aged 40, gambled for 25 years. Lost everything. Family, friends and every penny ever earned. Yesterday 23/12/19 I just did the last of my wages for this 5 week month. 2k In 32 minutes. That’s it, it has to be... or that’s it for me. 

I think many who have gambled long term thinks its impossible to stop, or that their problems are so massive that its pointless, or the continuing delusion that one big win would solve everything.

I think the only way is to break things down into tiny bits and stop one day at a time.

Bookies the problem ?  Then self exclude

On line the problem ? Then self exclude

Watching sport triggers urges ? Then stop watching sport.

Can't trust yourself with money ? Hand your cards & control over.

Take absolutely every step that you can. Put the energy into stopping that you put into gambling.

Wake up every day and make not gambling your main priority. I did this for 100's of days at the start.  When I stopped thinking like this, the old urges quickly returned.

I'm back to thinking every single day "Just for today I won't gamble".

Will this make things better ?

Will it sort all my problems out ?

No - but i know this. It will stop things getting worse.

Don't look for a miracle - that's the mindset of a gamble, we are immature and can't delay gratification.

Just accept that its going to be hard work (some days it will feel impossibly hard), its requires a positive but realistic mind, and its a life long commitment.

It can be done, there are people who really have been to hell and back though gambling but manage to stop.

It's never too late.

If you don't stop, things will only get worse.

Give Gamblers Anonymous a go

Thank you for all the messages. I am now 3 weeks clean of gambling. Struggling with urges but trying to think positive all the time. Obviously it’s been easier because I blew all my money so couldn’t do it anyhow. 2 more weeks to payday. A lot of money owed out but that’s fine. 

22 days today. Worst I’ve felt but got through it. Enjoy watching a sport that’s on atm and find it hard not to bet on it. Need to try and not put gambling and enjoying watching sport in the same category. Longest I’ve gone without a bet for about 6 years. 

Hi Chris,

Good to see you get through 3 weeks.

Do remember any fool can stop when they have no money. I did it dozens of times (if not hundreds). The same pattern, get paid, get another credit card or loan and start back on it.

Please do the following;

Register with gamstop

www.gamstop.co.uk/

Self exclude from bookmakers

www.self-exclusion.co.uk/

Self exclude from bingo, casinos and arcades. There will be a link above.

Put gambling block software on you phone, computer etc.

Hand control of you finances over to a loved one. Don't take cards out. Don't take money out bar what you need for essentials. And that means in many cases bus fare and enough for a sandwich at lunch. A few pounds.

You will have bad days, really bad days - without the appropriate blocks most people lapse. I would have done, and I no doubt could in the future. 5 years of self exclusion is properly empowering. As soon as mine gets close expiring, I know I'll sign up for another 5 years.

You have gambled for 25 years. Will power alone won't cut it - it rarely does.

Sport and gambling are in the same category. They always have been

You have watched a sport for decades and bet on it ?

Not a hope in hell that you will be able to break that association. Stop watching. Your kidding yourself otherwise.

What are you going to different this time against previous attempts to stop ?

And there it is..... the relapse I knew would happen because I’m a loser and will always be one. £1000 in 12 minutes. What’s the point anymore.....