25 years of age and at a crossroads - Day 1 17th October 2013

Another day or so has passed without much incident. My emotions have been a little all over the place at times, but went out a run last night and felt better for it. Taking a break from exercising tonight, then will get back to it tomorrow.

I also have an important work related meeting tomorrow. I'm visiting an important client and need to discuss an upcoming project. It should be okay, but obviously with something like this comes stress and that has been a trigger for me in the past with relation to my gambling addiction.

The self exclusions do work well though. There was one particular site I gambled on and it feels good knowing that it's out of my hands. Even if I wanted to, I coudn't gamble there.

One day at a time.

Another few days in the bag. I've been a little up and down, just as before. The regrets are still very much there, sometimes prominent in my thoughts and sometimes just lurking in the background. I'm getting frustrated at the lack of progress I'm making financially, but I know that panicking or worrying about that at this stage is unhelpful.

So, I'm still grinding. Hoping that as each day passes, it gets a little easier. I'm still hopeful I'll be able to work through this.

Thanks very much for your post on my diary Martin, it meant a lot ot me.

I hope you still grinding on x

A couple of weeks since my last update.

Still no gambling. I feel okay, but hope to make a bit more money with my monthly wages over these next couple of months. I want to see my savings go up, especially after stopping gambling.

Just checking in because it's been a while since I posted. I'm still not gambling. Things are okay. My savings are relatively poor. I have a target in my head for the end of the year. Not gambling will help me get there.

Coming to the end of the year now and I still haven’t gambled. I can’t say it’s been easy. I’m still getting the urge. It’s been months of going complete “cold turkey” but I still get tempted. Financial position is decent. It could be better, could be worse. I miss the ups and downs of gambling.

Still no gambling for me. I'm proud of that and I'm pleased that these past 7 months or so have been pretty smooth sailing. My savings are back up to a position that I'm reasonably satisfied with and I don't have any financial concerns. Having said that, I still miss the thrill of gambling and I'm surprised that 7 months down the line of going complete cold turkey has not diminished my addiction feelings at all.

I can't hide from the fact that gambling, specifically sports betting, was a big part of my life. It was something I looked forward to. I enjoyed placing the bet and winning/losing, but more than that, I enjoyed doing my research beforehand and looking for value in a football game or another sport.

I've replaced that by doing other things, like going to the cinema, playing video games, spending a lot of time with my SO. But hand on heart, none of it compares to the thrill of gambling. That's just something I'm going to have to live with if I want to remain gamble free and keep my savings where they are.

Still plodding along. Taking one day at a time. No gambling. No losses.

It's been over a month since my last diary entry.

Things are still going well. I’m managing to keep a lid on things. The addiction isn’t getting the better of me at this moment in time, but I know there’s no room for complacency. I’m slowly building up my savings as well, which is making me happy. It’s a further sign that I’m making progress in this ongoing battle.

Gambling has been in the news a lot recently because of the stake restrictions put in place for the FOBT’s. It’s weird seeing gambling on the news because this is something that as an addict, I’ve had to live with daily for the past 10 or so years, yet it’s only at times like this, that it enters other people’s minds. There still seems to be a strange taboo about even discussing gambling in the UK. People still seem perplexed that someone could get addicted to gambling or confused as to how someone can ruin their lives in a single day by playing roulette or some other “game”. Yet that is the reality.

With regards to the new ruling on FOBT’s; I’m not convinced that it will do any good. I think that’s an opinion shared by quite a few people on here as well. I had a look at one of the threads on the “overcoming gambling” section and someone was suggesting that bookmakers will be quite pleased with this outcome and I can see where that person is coming from. Some shops might close on the high street, but that’s about it. I never played on FOBT’s but I have played on the online equivalent. The sad truth is that addicts will find a way to gamble one way or another. The people who staked up to £100 every minute in a betting shop will find another way to gamble that same money.

In general, I’m not a fan of stricter legislation by governments. I don’t think it does any good. You either divert the current problem or you drive it underground.

Another day without a bet. I've not been keeping a tally on the number of days since my last one but has been quite a while now.

My sleeping pattern is still all over the place. That doesn't help with my overall mood I guess, but right now I'm in a positive frame of mind. 5 a side football tomorrow, so looking forward to getting some exercise. I find doing the odd light jog and football once or twice a week helps with my addiction.

With the Champions League Final on tonight, I hope everyone on the forum can stay away from any sports betting and stay strong. I wish everyone all the best. I've always been of the firm opinion that we each need to take responsibility for our own actions and gambling habits, but I do think the gambling adverts during televised football matches are overkill. It's disheartening to watch a game of football on television and to see adverts being displayed around the stadium and at half time. There is no escaping it.

It was a decent week for me personally. Not too much to report. It had it's usual up and downs but nothing too serious. Work can be a little stressful, but that's to be expected to some degree. Football was good a couple of days ago. It was good exercise, although I paid for it the next day. My recovery time seems to be getting worse, even though I'm still a young guy!

Still going strong.

For me, the most difficult spell of abstinence was not the initial period after my last bet. Don’t get me wrong, that was still tough, but I found the middling period just after those initial couple of weeks, to be the toughest. That’s when reality hits. When you’re sitting at home after a long day of work, there’s nothing on television, you don’t have many other meaningful hobbies and then the mind starts to wander. You start to wonder “what if…?” “This time it might be different” “£100 won’t make a difference” and thoughts along those lines. That’s when discipline needs to come in to play. I needed to get out of the apartment at times like that. Just do anything. Go for a walk. Go for a coffee. Go see a relative. I needed to keep my mind occupied and distracted from gambling.

I’m now months down the line and the good news is; it gets easier. But it’s not easy if the temptation is within reach.

Still going strong. Work can be a little stressful but nothing out of the ordinary there. World Cup is coming up this week so looking forward to watching that.

I’ve been thinking quite a bit about money recently, specifically how much I’ve wasted over the years on Gambling and what I could have done with that. I know these thoughts aren’t helpful but I can’t help think them from time to time.

In about a week, I will be paid and will go up to £18,000 in my savings account. I’m happy with this as it’s significantly more than I had when I first made this diary. I have no debts. But I also can’t help but compare myself to others of my age and wonder what the average 29 year old has saved. I’ve been looking online and it doesn’t help my confidence too much when I see people talking about having saved £40-60K by this age but I think they’re maybe the exception rather than the norm. At the same time, could I have saved that if it wasn’t for my gambling addiction?

I’m still staying positive though. Self doubt and worrying about what’s gone before won’t help with my future.

Hi Martin67,

First, congratulations on your ongoing recovery.

Compared to the average 29 year old (or even the average 40 or 50 year old) having £18K savings is quite a massive achivement. As you can see here on the forum not having debts due to your gambling problem is quite exceptional as well.

In summary your ablity to exercise financial control appears to be outstanding. It sounds to me that it would probably be helpful for you to look at your relationship with money and what value it has overall in your life.

In your earlier post 177 you mention not having any meaningful hobbies and it sounds like it would be a good idea to start to experimenting around and see if you can change that. Having a project or a hobby that you are really enthusiatic about is a good way to shift focus away from your gambling. Have you had any thoughts about any hobbies or any interest that would keep you occupied and focused?

Just a few ideas, mayby some food for thought.

Keep up the good work and keep posting.

All the best,

Ty

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