Day 9 (8 Days without gambling, previous best 145 Days):
Thanks to everyone that posted on my diary. It made me very pleased to see such support and I really do appreciate that.
I'm battling away quite well right now. The last week has went in very quickly. I've been trying my best to think positively.
Many people have discussed it here before, but boredom is really becoming a huge issue for me right now. I'm going to have to find a new hobby which engages me as much as gambling did.
I've been reading some books again. It was something I used to be interested in a lot when I was younger. That feeling when you're hooked on a really good book can be quite powerful and addictive in itself. I'm currently reading a novel called Slaughterhouse Five. So far so good.
I sometimes can get addicted to TV dramas as well so I've stocked up on some that were recommended to me. I've got the DVD's of Luther and Game of Thrones. Maybe they'll get me hooked.
I'm just trying different things. Trying to stay distracted, particularly after a day at work. I'm not thinking too much about any damage that's been done. We can't change the past but at least we can control our future.
Day 18 (17 Days without gambling, previous best 145 Days):
I thought I would check in. I'm trying to do this on a weekly basis.
Things are fine right now with regards to not gambling. I'm just plodding along. I'm constantly tired. I had 12 hours of sleep last night and I still feel lethargic today. I live for the weekends. Work is work. 9am-5pm every day. A huge chunk of my day pretty much wasted, but how else can one earn a living? 5 days a week, 8 hours every day. Outstanding.
I shouldn't complain. I would know all about it if I didn't have a job. I'm just feeling restless. Everything I read in the papers I hate. Everything I see on the internet I hate. Every time I'm on the bus going to work in the mornings, something annoys me. I'm just a miserable 25 year old ******* really lol.
Oh well.
Martin
Fella it reads like you are looking for someone to blame in life, a slippery slope I feel, to become bitter and twisted about life at such a young age is not a healthy outlook.
Maybe the trait many of us share,that want for instant results in standing in the way of your glass becoming half full.
Bottom line for me is only you can top it up my friend.
Life always looks better through the glass half full than a half empty one.
Look at the positives, there are a few in that post alone, you are gamble free, you are employed and you have your health.
For that is a great foundation.
Keep making the right choice
Duncs stepping forward never back.
Funny reading your post I thought what do I hate??
Marmite is the only thing!!!
Day 37 (36 Days without gambling, previous best 145 Days):
Just checking in. Still doing okay. My mood swings are still a problem. Quite depressed today. Like a dark cloud hanging over me. Overall, it was a difficult weekend.
Having said that, I feel like this current streak I'm on is quite a strong one. I'm feeling good about not depositing any more money into an online gambling account and long may that continue.
Day 39 (38 Days without gambling, previous best 145 Days):
I didn't really plan on posting today but felt compelled to after listening to a show on BBC iplayer. Here's the link for anyone interested:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0418mh1
I was absolutely stunned when listening to this show. Now, I know that BBC's standards have dropped considerably in recent years but this really took the biscuit in my opinion. A complete glorification of poker is how I would best sum it up. The presenter was absolutely awful. If anyone's not interested in a rant, please look away now:
- First of all, he starts talking about Victoria Coren (a high profile poker player) and her recent 400,000 win. She made the record books by being the only player to win this specific tournament twice.
- Next, he poses the question: Can poker be used as a second income? I'm sorry, WHAT!!!? This has got to be some type of joke. This is the BBC we're talking about. Not some run of the mill online poker podcast on itunes. This is a national BBC radio show airing at 10am on a Monday morning.
- So, who is the presenter joined by? Let's see; A reporter who works for a high profile gambling website that just so happens to sponsor Victoria Coren. A "professional poker player" who used to clean windows for a living and has now apparently won millions playing poker in the real world and online. Finally, a gambling addict. Here is where you think some sense would creep into play. WRONG.
- The presenter of the show then goes on to say that this particular addict lost 10,000 in one night playing poker. Nothing out of the ordinary there as I'm sure many people here all too aware. But what comes next is beyond belief. He goes on to heavily imply that this loss was a result of alcohol consumption. My jaw nearly hit the floor. I could not believe what I was hearing.
- Thankfully when the addict came on he set the record straight to an extent. He admitted he had been drinking heavily but this was only as a result of reaching rock bottom and he had been a gambling addict for a number of years.
- The show then continues with various people phoning in, with the number of seemingly "successful" poker players phoning in outweighing gambling addicts or representatives of gambling problem websites such as this one. People claiming they were able to go on a nice holiday off the back of winnings, people claiming to have won 1500 off the back of a 10 deposit. People claiming to have paid off debts through poker. It went on and on like this.
I'm sorry, but this is totally unacceptable. I don't mind this stuff being out there on poker forums or in podcasts or on youtube videos. In those cases, people would actively seek that stuff. But this is airing on a flagship BBC radio show. Would they glorify betting terminals? Would they ask people to phone in with their success stories on how much they won playing video poker, roulette, or blackjack?
Poker is gambling. I don't care which way you look at it. Poker is gambling. You could be the best poker player in the World and still lose heavily. In fact, many of these so called professionals are anything but, with many of them being bankrolled by online poker sites.
As a gambling addict, I have no problem with people being responsible for their own actions. I've always said that I have no problem with online poker or sport betting existing and it's down to each one of us what we do with our lives. We need to be responsible for that. However, what I don't like seeing is the UK's national broadcaster trumping up poker as some sort of national sport that we should all take up for a little bit of extra pocket money. An utter disgrace. Rant over.
Martin
fella glad you got that rant off your chest,that sort of anger can turn into real bile if left to fester.
For me the answer is simple,any show which airs regarding gambling is always outweighed by the folk who say they are 'winners'
Why ?? this for me is two fold
First the compulsion to gamble is by and large a secret,a dirty little one at that,many folk too ashamed to even confess to family,let alone national radio,the number of folk out of the closet so to speak in my mind only a fraction of the actual number of problem gamblers in the country.
Secondly the addict always remembers the good times,addiction does that does it not?? for me for twenty years I glossed over the devestation,an all to common factor.
So to end yes the industry will always exist,the bbc in alot of ways is now a commercial enterprise, so to turn a bad into a good maybe one day I wont have to pay my licence fee's !!
Keep making good use of your thread fella,keep maintaining your own abstinence.
Regards Duncs
Day 78 (77 Days without gambling, previous best 145 Days):
I'm still going strong with this new streak. I've been pretty busy lately. My finances are in a decent place right now and I'm probably feeling at my best psychologically. I just need need to keep going like this. There will still be plenty of lows, but right now, things are fine.
I wanted to update my diary as it has almost been a year since my first entry.
The past year has been an interesting one and I've learnt a lot about myself and my gambling addiction. I'll lay my cards on the table right now and say that I'm as addicted as I ever have been. But, I've been living to learn with addiction and damage limitation has been a very important part of my "recovery."
I've slipped on quite a few occasions, but I don't let it get me down. It's a natural part of the addiction and I accept relapses for what they are. It always disappoints me. I do sometimes feel some anger after a loose bet that costs me a bit of money, but I learn to live with it.
Financially, I'm doing better compared to where I was when I first started this diary. I also feel that I'm more content with my life in general. I very rarely visit the gamcare forum now, but I like to browse the new members section and look in on diaries of regular contributors for some inspiration.
I'm not sure if complete abstinence will ever be an option for me. It's a bit of a taboo subject on here about to what extent you can control this demon without going complete "cold turkey." It is a difficult balancing act. I'm not a success story by any means, but I am in a much better place compared to this time last year and for that I'm proud. I hope the next year will bring some further progress.
If anyone stumbles upon this entry, good luck with your journey. I'll probably update this diary next year.
I'm updating my diary sooner that I thought I would after my last entry. It's the first time I've used the new site. It's better than the old one!
Right now, I'm doing fine. I'm just taking each day as it comes. The addiction is always there. Some days are worse than others, but I'm going through quite a good period right now.
I'm really looking forward to Christmas and spending some time with family and friends. I'll be able to spend some money on those people closest to me, and that makes me happy.
Hi Martin,
Nice to hear you're doing okay, and that the current period has been a good one for you. Sorry I missed your last post, I'm the same for not coming on the forum as regularly as I should, and I guessed it slipped by me. Recovery is unique to everyone, and if you've found a happy balance between gambling and the rest of your life, then don't let anyone else shout you down. It's your life, your recovery, and whatever anyone else has to say is opinion.
Hope it continues on the positive path for you, and hope Christmas treats you well! See you in the new year.
Ryan
I thought I would update my diary.
I've been on edge recently. I need to get through the remainder of this year without gambling, but I'm finding it difficult. I'll probably try and post here more often just to keep track of my thoughts.
There's nothing which can compare to the buzz of gambling and I think I talked about this in my very first post here, but I'm really struggling to find things throughout the day which hold my interest in the same way that gambling did. I've managed to build a small amount of savings for myself and I know that one deposit could potentially ruin that, so I'm trying to resist the temptation.
There's just over 4 weeks to Christmas, so I just need to focus on that and hang on in there.
Another day gone.
I didn't get much sleep last night and as a result, I'm feeling very tired today. I'm trying to keep myself occupied. I'm going to try and do some exercise this week. I feel out of shape. I've not been looking after myself recently and I've not been looking after my flat either. Time to give that a good clean too.
Hopefully these distractions will keep me away from the constant threat of the addiction.
Hi Martin,
Those sleepless nights brought on by gambling are an old friend of mine, stay strong and keep pushing through. Are you going cold turkey at the moment or just finding a balance in your gambling?
Exercise is one of the best ways to alleviate those gambling temptations, and should also help you when it comes to getting a good night's sleep. As for cleaning, I find that it is a self-fulfilling prophecy and spending too much time cleaning only leads me to a situation where I spot more of the small stuff and have to clean some more!
Stay strong, and keep knocking those whispering demons on the head.
Ryan
Martin67,
I think the clean time may be muddying your memory...The highs are high when I gamble but the lows are much worse & far outweigh them! Please don't give in to these tricks that the addiction plays to suck us back in.
Work out, clean, look back over your diary to remember that the buzz is not worth going back to day 1 again...Just do whatever it takes to stay on this road to recovery! You may not think you are a success story but I do!
Hi Ryan & ODAAT,
Thanks for your support. I'm hanging on in there and your words of encouragemt helped.
Another day has passed and I'm still resisting the urge to waste any more money on gambling. An old friend got in touch with me yesterday and we're meeting up this week for something to eat. I used to hang around with this guy quite a lot, but I would waste a lot of money, especially on alcohol, when we were out. I just don't have the energy to do that right now. I'm counting the pennies, trying to save here and there. So, I don't want to get in the habit of hanging out with this guy too much. Lunch is one thing. Going out and getting hammered and wasting £50+ every other night is another, and not something I'm interested in, even if it means a deterioration in my firendship with this guy.
I'm still tired. Still not sleeping properly. Even when I'm tired, I can't get to sleep. What's that all about? My mood is up and down. Yesterday in work, I didn't have too much energy, to say the least.
Everything else in my life is quite normal just now. Like I said in my previous post, I need to clean my flat. I also need some work done to it, but that can wait another couple of weeks. I'm looking forward to Christmas. Not long now.
I'll update my diary again tomorrow. It's acting as some sort of small comfort right now.
Affected by gambling?
Looking for support?
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.