a new chapter

Hey moving on:-)

It's so nice to hear that you keep moving forward. Very well done for staying strong and keep racking them days:-) it will get easier!

Take care and keep doing what you doing

Sandra

Hi all, I should have kept coming on here regularly as today I am back to square one but in even more debt. I had been doing really well and managed to stay off from gambling for ages. Then last night after a few too many drinks I we nt back online and lost huge amounts of money far more than I canford. But that is done the money is gone and I hate myself for letting myself be so stupid. I have already. emailed the website in and asked them to exclude me from all there services (stupidly set up a new account with a site I hadn't excluded myself from) any way I guess that is what happens when you forget how bad gambling makes you feel. So day one again....

I really don't know what to do with myself today I know I have only just posted but I feel so rubbish and feel as if I am going mad I can't sit still yet I can't do anything I can't concentrate. I will be going to work in an hour or so and hopefully that should help. I just feel totally lost today I hate this disease and currently I hate myself. I was so happy yesterday now I don't know how I am going to pay back the debt even working two jobs. Why did I do it? Again? I'm just going to keep coming on here and prove I can be strong and I WILL beat this. Moving on (again) x

Hey moving on,

Sorry for early(late) post but just want to say well done for coming back..You know deep down that you can do it, just concentrate on a day at a time. You not alone, and always can get up, put brave face on and carry on..

You will get there, just stay strong, keep posting and stay close to this site. It will get easier...patience..

Take care and take day at a time

Sandra x

Hai MovingOn.

Good on you for coming back, shows your strength and character in abundance. Can fully understand the feeling of loss but need to dust your self down and get back on the path.

Its a real S***e cycle us c/g's get ourselves in. Work hard, gamble away the money, worry about juggling and paying bills, then we forget how to live life. We seem to get it back to front!

As Sandra said, your not alone. Stay close to the diarys, be wary of complacency. The feel good factor will come back and thats the time to stay on your toes and continue MovingOn and upwards.

Strength and honor to you

Hi volcano and Sandra thank you for your support, it means so much to me. feeling much more positive today, will update this properly later as have quite a lot I want to put in writing, mainly to try to help me get over this. But for now onwards, upwards and moving on x

Hello there,

Just read through your diary for the first time and it was tough reading that things got worse both mentally and then financially, but in saying that, I think the loss sets you up better for recovery than winning as it is easy to think that you are not really losing as you had that win/wins.

Follow the advice of people on here and come here instead of the gambling sites and continue to take in the stories and support of others.

Stay positive my friend and keep working towards getting back on track. You have it in you as you have done it in the past, you just need to fight them urges in whatever way: install blocks, tell someone what you are doing, hand over control of your money.

You can beat this!

Jace

Thanx Jace, just gonna have to keep on here and keep strong.

So it's time to be honest... I think when I first came on here I was in dispare but didn't surely think my problem was that bad, but sitting down and thinking today it hit me like a thunderbolt. What I am and what I have been doing. I am a compulsive gambler who has been destroying her life but by bit. Who would have thought that £20 on a Friday night could turn into this. I am a sensible person. I have a good job and earn a decent salary. I have a nice house and a loving partner. I am pretty much the sole earner my partner is self employed and struggles to break even at the moment. I look after all the finances and have therefore found it easy to be deceitful regarding my gambling. 10's of pounds turned into hundreds and then on Friday just gone thousands. This isn't my money it is the credit cards. So now I am faced with the reality of it all, I am not the person who can dip in and out of gambling I have to stop for good. And I am going to.

My posts yesterday seemed desperate and they were but in hindsight it was the very wake up call I needed. I am generally a positive person and try to see the good in situations so here is what I have figured out: yes I have a gambling problem - but I have admitted it. Yes I am in debt - but with a little bit of planning and no gambling I can pay it back. Am I proud of what I am? No, but I am proud of what I am going to be. I will take the advice of others and keep coming on here. The moment I start to feel normal again is the moment I will put my guard up even more. For now the thought of gambling makes me feel physically sick, but I am wise enough to know that will pass. I think this really is the wake up call I needed. I have lost enough of myself to know this has to be it.

I wish you all well and roll on day 3. Moving on for good this time xx

Just read your diary and your situation sounds similar to mine. Everyone thinks I am a sensible, level headed person - if only they knew!!! I have made a mess of my finances and will take about 4 years to sort out but I am determined to clear my debt and move forward with my life. Keep strong and keep posting xxx

Day 3

Today has been tough. Not with wanting to gamble still hating that but I think this past lapse has had both a physical and mental effect on me. I have had an upset stomach and sick feeling all day plus I have not been able to think of anything else. Feeling a bit better tonight and hoping I will start to get back to myself. Strange how we learn to put on a front though, normal Monday questions at work such as 'did you have a nice weekend' I can still answer with a smile and say yes pretty quiet really... If only they knew. Anyway looking forward to getting back on track, I think the point Jace made in his post made complete sense - my previous lapse actually resulted in a win and whilst at the time I regretted doing it as that regret wore off the win still stayed with me. Now I have regret and no win - so hopefully will stay on track. Sorry for the ramblings... Just finished a 15 hour day so feeling a little tired! Roll on day 4 keep strong all xx

Heres to day 4 MovingOn.

Just by reading your posts there seems to have been a shift. This sad gambling malarkey really does take its toll on the mind and body. Keep on carrying on, be wary of the triggers. Remember to live and go easy on them 15hr days...

Rolling on....

Thanx volcano yep really do feel a change... Feeling much more positive today finally checked my accounts to see how much damage I had caused. Whilst bad (yep very) I worked out I am in pretty much exactly the situation I when I first came on here. Whilst disappointed that I have done that I can work through it. Mentally feeling stronger and physically not so uneasy. Anyone reading this who thinks they are different, well maybe they are - but a word of advice, I came on here as I knew I had a problem, just didn't realise how bad it was. Now I do. Strange really - I don't fit the stereotype of a gambler I had in my own head, maybe that is why I didn't truely believe it and lapsed. Now I know there is no stereotype, and I am so pleased that this site is so open and non judgmental. Looking forward to a nice evening and day 5 xx

Hi

Sorry to hear about your recent relapse. I have tried to give up many times before but I believe that this is my time. Hope it is yours too. xx

Well here is to day 5. Long day ahead of me but don't mind it keeps me out of trouble. Actually feeling okay and still no desire to go back online. Past 4 days have gone pretty quick and 1. Week is just round the corner. Definitely helps coming on here. Will try and update tonight xx

Day 5 done. Has been pretty easy so far, still haven't stopped loathing gambling and still have no want/need/desire to gamble. My hatred for myself has turned into hatred for these sites. Had an email today from the site I excluded myself on sat confirming my remaining balance of 10.48 had been refunded... Wow I'm rich!!! But seriously this was then followed by 2 promo offers from the same site. I have self excluded myself and unsubscribed from their marketing list yet still they send this sort of email... Personally don't think that is helpful!! Anyway looking forward to a short work day tomorrow as night off from eve job, hope that doesn't get me bored and thinking 😉 day 6 is just round the corner! Good luck all cc moving on xx