a new way of thinking

Thanks everyone for your support.

Everyones right my LO gives great cuddles and so does my eldest although he is taller than me now so its abit awkward when he trys to sit on my lap.lol

Another day at work that went pete tong couldnt get in the first house they had changed the locks and forgot to tell my boss.

But hey ho another day with no gambling and my mood is finally starting to lift not gambling is making it easier.

Ade-Bonkers is only one of many things ive been called over the years but i find reading the diaries a real insight into how different people deal with the same problem.

I have a question i mentioned to my mum that i had been entering competitions [free ones]worth a try i thought and she said it was a form of gambling i hadnt thought so as its not costing me to enter and if i lose it dosent matter does anyone else think its a form of gambling or is my mum even more fruit loop than i thought.

Stay strong.x

Hi Elizabeth,

Thanks for taking the time to post on my diary, it means a lot.

I've been reading a lot of diaries recently as I find, right now, this helps more than adding to my own. I finished reading your diary last night but I wanted time to think before replying. Yours is quite a story and I believe you show enough strength and resolve in other areas of your life that you, more than most, have what it takes to beat this addiction we all share.

My guess is you're an inspiration to many on here.

Stay strong.

Regards

J72

Excellent point made by Ade - what happens if you win.

I still remember the day that I had my first big 'win' on the old 2p fruit machines - 20p decades ago. This has led to decades of throwing money away.

Nothing in life is ever free.

Apart from love and a jolly good jog outside!

GT

HI GUYS

Thankyou for the replys

No there not connected to any gambling sites at all they are magazine type competitions like win a hairdryer,win an ipad,car,vouchers etc

but i hear what you say and i shall now refrain from entering these as its not wise to add something that close to an ongoing problem.

a hard day at work again this cleaning lark seems to get harder customers seem to expect a springclean in 2 hrs.

Another day with no gambling but i have to be careful as its payday but feeling ok and no real urges.

Hope everyone well.

Stay strong.x

ps.ADE i love my mum but she is a fruit loop none the less.

Hi Elizabeth

Well done for keeping strong.

I have been playing some games for fun and others like chess and patience. I think that gambling is only when you can lose something (apart from the game) Lots of games e.g be-------d you can play to beat your own score or get to a higher level.I think that if you play a game where no matter how badly you play, or how unlucky you are, at the end you have not lost anything then you haven't gambled.

The only problem is that for people like us it could lead us back on the slippery slope......keep strong

cody x

Well done on making that decision to stop chasing that big win before you start losing your hard earned money in order to only get that little bit closer to achieving it.

0.0001% of the population ever get that 'big win'.

But 100% of the population can win long term when they stop chasing it!

Have a good day.

GT

Thanks guys and gals for your replys and support.

Had a really good day today been busy since i walked out the front door at 8.30 this morning have been in about half hour no thoughts of gambling today or urges feeling really good about things and the furture.

Not trying to sound negative but of course this could all change tomorrow i feel my moods are swinging between good and bad quite quickly at the mo.

Have a good evening everyone Stay Strong.x

Nice quiet sunday with the boys.

Mood still good.

Boys on good form today as well so unlike last weekend its a happy house.everyone over their illnesses and no gambling.

Although money wise im still not sure how im going to make it through christmas although it looks like my hours arnt going to be cut again for a while so thats a positive.

Stay Strong.x

Thanks ade hope your feeling better.

Just been doing my finances AGAIN and im left with £4 to live on for the next 2 weeks great think ill just give up eating,

Im dreading christmas its times like this that you realize the real damage gambling does to you financially i know you shouldnt look back and except its gone and to a certain degree i have but every now and then it bites you on the a**e just to remind you what an idiot you were.

Ive just asked my brother for a small loan although its a big ask as i still owe him from last year so we will see.

Today no gambling tomorrow no gambling.

Stay Strong.x

Hi Elizabeth,

sorry things are stressing you with Christmas coming up. Money sounds very tight indeed.

Have tried to think of some positives, but I'm not making light of the situation, I do realise that you have gambled yourself into a corner and you are facing some really harsh consequences as a result.

1 - you will not starve. this might sound like a strange positive to list - but sometimes we gotta go back to basics when things are a bit grim. you can't eat well this next 2 weeks, but thanks to value pasta, value baked beans etc. you don't have to starve.

2 - you can't get hold of money. again, strange positive, but sounds like you have virtually exhausted all lines of credit - so very hard to get yourself deeper by gambling!

3 - without consequences, we cannot feel regret. even if this christmas is cr** with egg and chips for dinner, and no gifts round the tree - we can turn this to our advantage. think how determined you will be to NEVER have another Christmas like this one, as long as you live. It is in your power to make this the last time you suffer this guilt and remorse. The worse you feel now, the more determined you can be to never have a repeat performance.

4 - Focus on things you CAN change. You can't magic money out of thin air, but you can do those boring jobs around the house that we all put off, you can spend quality time with your children making them feel special and cherished, you can meditate or have a workout, you can lose yourself in a book (from the library), you can be kind to those around you - maybe there is an elderly neighbour who needs help sweeping leaves from their path or whatever?. There are things you can do for free to help you get through these 2 weeks.

Sorry if they were rubbish positives, I do appreciate that you are really fed up just now. There are always positives though, no matter how small.

Hang in there, you can pave the way for a better future,

f x

Hi Elizabeth,

I can only echo what Freda has written. Christmas will come and go.. you will get through it and out the other side. I know what its like to have pennies to live on and having to go cap in hand to others. Its a humbling experince for sure. Remember these times when life is once more on the up.. which will happen. Thats whats always been my problem. I start to forget. I need to keep it fresh in my mind. All the best now.. S.A 🙂

Thankyou ADE & FREDA & SA

Freda thankyou for your positives they may be small but at least there are some.

Things wont be that bad for christmas but i am starting to feel backed up against a wall.No one to blame but myself apart from a virus and some customers which has lost me more than i thought this month.

Sat and had a good cry which i dont do very often and read back through my diary and ive noticed how my moods alter from day to day.

Im trying to deal with all my emotional problems wrapped up in the gambling and of course this makes the guilt and remorse rise to the surface and when i hit problems with money etc,i just feel like stopping the world and getting off.

Im very lucky with my kids who no matter how low i feel or what problems we have still manage to make me smile.

Right im off for a hug.

Stay Strong.x

Hi Elizabeth

Your gambling demons really want you to feel sorry for yourself as it could lead you to gamble again and feed them. I understand the predicament you are in at the moment but things will improve and by staying gamble free this time next year you will feel on such a high remembering the sorrow of the past. Grow from this and stay strong. It will come and go and focus on getting stronger. Take care!

Hiya Elizabeth,

Really feeling for you. Hugs from ireland here 🙂

I know exactly how you feel. But believe me when I say...work through this xmas without gambling and you will get such a feeling of satisfaction when you pull it off. So okay, it won't be the xmas that you wish for, I was like that a couple of years ago and oh my gawd I wore myself raggit with worry. Hardly any pressies...the pound shop got a right going over. I got creative. But it actually turned out to be one of the happiest christmas,s. My eldest two knew the score, and understood. The wee one, well he was young enough to be easy pleased. So I was lucky in that respect.

Things will get better, it just takes time and you will get there. Take Care

Del xoxo

Thankyou Delgirl.

Well i have to say the pound shop will be getting a proper once over in the next few weeks.I know their dad and other family members will make sure they have pressies under the tree its just the guilt i feel that i should be able to do it and cant.

Feeling very teary today which really is unlike me. My mum walked through the door and i burst into tears all over money being tight all i can think is grow up there are people out there who have nothing,how many children are going to bed hungry tonight mine arnt.

We will have a great christmas like we always do just not on a big scale and with some homemade pressies for family members.

No gambling today No gambling tomorrow.

Stay Strong.x