I Am a Gambling Addict

Stay strong, I lied to my wife, twice. Second most recently. I was just doing free spins second time around but she found out. I thought it would be ok as I wasn’t spending but of course it wasn’t I was lying to myself. We are still talking but are separated and I’m not so sure I’ll get another chance this time. I get what you mean, it’s so hard. Of course I would choose the woman I love and my kids over gambling but it is an addiction. All I can say is I wish I told my wife second time around like I said I would. Maybe she’d of stayed by my side and helped. Talking about it to others you trust definitely helps though. Stay strong x all the best 

Honesty is always the best policy.

I hid how hard my problem was, admittedly not as bad as yours sounds. The more I hid it, the worse I felt.

Speaking to the significant other was my release. Tell him everything. Ask for support. It will be a relief to you and hopefully a burden you can both share and work through.

Hi

I am a non religious compulsive who has not gambled today.

By going to meetings I would understand more about my addiction and obsessions.

My addiction and obsessions were a form of escape and also self abuse.

I was in effect working for my hard earned money and then giving it away to strangers while I went with out.

The healthy recovery meetings would help me understand how unhealthy I was.

In the healthy recovery meetings I would learn to love myself.

In the healthy recovery meetings I would learn to respect myself.

In the healthy recovery meetings I learned to live a much healthier life.

I did not enjoy lying or living in fears.

Just for today I do not want or need to gamble.

Just for today I understand that for me gambling is very unhealthy.

I do not want to hurt myself anymore.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Best thing that can happen is your partner finds out and a wave of relief comes over you.

i am not going to butter this up but the truth is the best option and seeking help with a supportive partner makes it a lot easier.and laying everything on the table.

well done for coming here and seeking help and advice, I hope the realisations comes one day.

all the best

dave101

Hi Carol, speaking from a partner’s perspective, the only way to a successful recovery is to tell your partner. My husband confessed to me 5 years ago, he said he was so sure I’ll leave him knowing that my dad was a compulsive gambler too and the reason why my mum left him. 

But i didn’t leave him. I was shocked sure. I felt betrayed and I was very upset. But I didn’t leave him because he’s already done a few things which showed his determination (like what you’ve already done so far!). I researched about gambling addiction and together we agreed on a strategy on how to fight the addiction (GA, gamstop, me managing our finances, having access to his bank and credit report w his consent). He also told immediate family and very close friends about it. He’s almost 5 years gamble free so this has worked so far. 

Gambling thrives in secrecy. It’s an addiction and I’m afraid it’ll be so difficult to stay in recovery if you’re hiding everything from your partner. I can’t tell you how he’d react but you need to tell him. It’s a big step towards healing and recovery.

Thank you to everyone who replied to this. It all really helped.

Since I wrote the post, I haven't gambled. I do feel the urge to do so sometimes, but today is the third day, and it feels rather manageable. I am not sure about the suggestions about telling my partner. I agree that secrecy is part of the problem, but on another note, I don't want gambling to become a definition of me or to change the relationship I have with my partner. 

I don't want to minimise the problem, but at the same time, I don't wish for it to overflow into those other aspects of my life that I managed to protect from it so far. My relationship is good.

I understand that Pep, from one of the answers, felt betrayed by her husband when he came out, and I am totally grateful for her message. However, I don't feel I have been betraying my partner just as yet. I haven't told him what I do with my money, that's true. But it's a nine-month-long relationship, I have been spending only what's mine, I always contributed my part in our expenses, and I am taking steps to prevent gambling from becoming an issue to build a future together. 

I don't want gambling in our future. I want to stop and protect him from ever worrying about it.

I do have a question for Pep. Your life has been indirectly affected by gambling a lot. First your father and now your husband. In the message, you say that your husband disclosed his gambling issue five years ago. How have things been going through these five years? The fact that you are an active member of the forum makes me wonder if the issue has not been solved yet.