a new way of thinking

Thanks wp

I understand everyone is different i was looking into the furture[wish i could]and trying to visulise what i hope will be my furture happy and stable with gambling not having to be in the forefront of my thoughts day in and day out.Maybe im looking to far ahead as i know i have along way to go.

Feeling quite low today im bored and just feeling abit blah.Just dont seem to be able to get motivated to do anything feel like i just want to sleep.x

No gambling today No gambling tomorrow

Stay Strong.x

Hi Elizabeth

Sorry to hear your not feling so great today we all have days like that when we think the best place to be is bed. Previously we migh have used this as an excuse to run off and gamble but not anymore.

I sometmes think about the future and what it will be like down the line and where I want to be. Then I think the only way to attain that position is to stay gamble free on a day to day basis and then hpefully somewhere down the line that happy life will sort itself out.

Keep your chin up and sending lots of positive thoughts your way.

Best Wishes

Andrew x

Elizabeth.... firstly..... thank you. On my down days, just to open up my diary and read a comment like yours is enough to put a smile on my face. It is a bit weird that a total stranger can give me a little warm glow in times of such stress.

Read all of your lovely comments on here to give you a lift. Have you been on to the chat room? I laughed tonight on there.... I laugh on there most nights.... it is good for the soul.

As I am not a gambler I can only guess that it is normal to have down days. I have down days which are a bit like grieving.... maybe a part of you is grieving too?

There is a very good post on the overcoming problem gambling about does recovery have to be forever? It is inspiring. Maybe it will help you?

Stay strong. Wishing you lots of smiles and hugs.

x

Thankyou penpal i think youve hit the nail on the head im grieving for what ive lost.

I never thought of myself as someone whos lost everything through gambling but if i sit and think about it i have.

My job-I worked with my ex building a business-Gone business still there im not.

Relationship-20 years-gone

Home-I had to leave-Gone

Kids-Still very much mine and with me.

As ive said in previous posts when i confessed all to my ex there was no support,compassion or help i didnt expect any and knew i wouldnt get any, when i look back i was there when he needed me when he didnt need me where was he when i needed him,down the pub usually.

I will never forget when things settled down after my confession and then discovering i was pregnant he said to me "you were my rock" and even though i was feeling so much shame and guilt all i could think was youve never been my rock in twenty years .

Im not blaming him for my gambling that was my choice and i take full responsibility for it.

I spent a year doing what i could to put things right i went to the doctors,i had no access to a computer, no money not even pocket money and being reminded of it every single day.

Then one day i couldnt take it any more my eldest was becoming more and more withdrawn,LO was still a baby so didnt know what was going on.Even now my ex cannot understand why i left and it wasnt just the gambling there is at least 15yrs worth of cr** over the years but we now have a good relationship i would never stop him seeing the boys ever.

May be i thought i could control my gambling which has now lead me to this wonderful forum where complete strangers make me feel good about myself everyday.

Ive spent the last year and half trying to rebuild the confident woman i used to be, on the outside my lack of confidence dosent really show but on the inside i feel like a 15yr old bluffing my way through adult hood.

If youve managed to get to the bottom of this post well done and thankyou for reading.

Cryed my way through writing this [penpal your fault you made me cry ;0)]But thats good ive spent to many years not crying my ex didnt like it.

Having been feeling low allday now i feel better time for bed work tomorrow.

Stay Strong wonderful people.x

Thanks Ade,

Your right i must now look into the furture my past is just that my past i cant take it back all the hurt and pain so time to look forward.

I know i caused my ex alot of heartache emotionally and financially but how many times do you have to say sorry before your given a second chance.He had enough.

Any hoo emotional outburst done im sure there will be more i am a woman after all lol.

Feeling better today having a good cry also helped, makes you tired too.

No gambling today No gambling tomorrow.

Stay Strong.x

Yes Elizabeth. Certainly is time to look forward. I am sorry if I made you cry.

I am excited for your future.

You didnt gamble today and I am sure you wont gamble tomorrow.

Hope you are staying strong.x

Day 37 [i think]

crappy day at work again,washing machines broken down again .I know you shouldnt wish your life away but i cant wait till this year is over nothing seems to be going my way apart from no gambling which is great,but the powers that be really are going to make me earn my recovery.

It really feels that whoever is watching over me is determined to throw as much cr** as possible at me to see if i give in.

Well if your reading,watching whatever bring it on.

Stay Strong.x

Hi Elizabeth,

Read your post on Monday but could not post on my phone. Form reading your posts I believe you to be a very strong, confident, loving person. You are doing fantastic in your recovery and should be so proud of yourself.

Even if the cr** keeps coming i am sure you will best it. Roll on 2012, I believe it will be a great year for many of us on here.

Keep strong your doing great.

It's only 24 days until 2012.

Just 24 out of 365.

Not bad, eh?!

GT

these things (washing machines) are meant to try us Elizabeth but it would ve packed in gambling or no gambling. Couldve been a lot worse in a gambling frenzy tho so your doing well venting your frustrations on here. If its any consolation i am getting a 2nd chance now but did nt think i ever would , trying to bond with my recently turned 4year old. Keep it going lassie your confidence will return the longer you are bet free YOU can do this. 😉

Thanks guys for the kind words and encouragment.

Well ive stripped the washing machine and the belts come off so just got to get it back on and away we go which is proving a tad tricky atm so ive given up i will wait till the ex pops round sat morn and he can put it back on.lol.

As i posted on pats diary it still amazes me the kindness and support of people you dont know personally,with all the nasty things going on in the world it really gives some hope.

Thanks GT that means on the 1/1/2012 i will be 61 days gamble free what away to start the new year BRING IT ON.

STAY STRONG.X

Hi Elizabeth. How dare you laugh on my diary when it's so freakin' serious! ?

lol....

Well done on your continuing recovery. I haven't posted on here before but try to read everyone's diary a little at a time.

A broken washing machine eh that would have sent me totally bonkers. I would be raging and shouting at the cat. So hats off to you. IanB

Thanks ADE,

I think that like any withdrawal from an addiction there are different symptoms with alcohol and drugs its more physical with this addiction it seems to be a mental one more than a physical although its amazing what aches and pains stress and worry can bring on.Now i know its an easy fix and not going to cost me anything ive relaxed thankgod.

Another day at work done and dusted[pardon the pun]and a good day for non gambling thoughts the fact that i have about 50p until tomorrow helps.But even the lack of cash hasnt been an issue today normally im thinking about what i can save from my wages to gamble with but not today just how many christmas presents can i get this weekend and pay the rest of the bill i couldnt pay last week.

Unusually for me feeling quite relaxed.

Stay Strong.x

Hi Elizabeth and well done your doing great and yes life has a way of P***ing you off when you are down but you are doing just great stay stong hugs x

Thankyou guys for the support.Its 9.34 and i have just sat down for the first time since i got up at 7 bloody knackered paid bill that i couldnt do last week, shopping done, kids fed all is well.

Going to bed soon struggling to keep my eyes open.

No gambling today No gambling tomorrow

Stay Strong.x