a new way of thinking

Hiya Elizabeth,

Hope your getting a bit of relaxation this weekend. Remember your out at work plus running a house and being mum and in recovery.....it's dam exhausting at times. I've started having one night were I'm in bed same time as my wee one...I've found it has helped.

Take care.

Hugs Del xo

just to ditto the R and R this weekend...in my thinks and as always ...thank you for your great support xx (((xx)))...Rach n Doo xxxx

Thankyou Smiler,Del and Rach,

Your right Del i forget how much i do and sometimes it catches up with me.

I didnt do anything yesterday spent the day in my pjs and enjoyed the day with my boys feeling better today.

The downside being everything i should have done yesterday i now have to do today.So off to get washed and dressed do the laundrette run get back and clean house and i think my fridge has stopped working. Great more expense just when i thought id be able to pay everything on time this month my fridge packs up so a good look round the second hand websites im sure i can pick something up cheap.

Its things like that where you start thinking you can win the money but for once it wasnt the first thought to solve the problem my title a new way of thinking is starting to ring true.

Have a good sunday peeps.

Stay Strong

E x

Spot on there ELizabeth with your post about Fredas question...was just typing there and saw your post come in..its like your role is just not needed anymore when the person gets control back...

Always glad to see your posts on here and you talk so much sense..I know gambling aside you relate to a lot of whats happened in my set up from being a woman!! lol

Keep putting them feet up when you can xxx its great to do a pj day .Have a good fridge shop! ...speaky soon xxxxx (((xx))) ...Dot says wuff

Hi E,

PJ days are awesome! I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with things breaking and wanting replaced. This can be used as medicine to fight this addiction though.

If there were never any rotten consequences to gambling money we didn't have, I know that I, for one would still be gambling. Promise yourself that you will never put yourself in this position again, and only good can come out of it.

I can appreciate that it is hard to stay motivated, when you are not yet seeing the benefits of quitting. These benefits will come though, in time.

Many people say that its kind of a blessing to have no money when they first quit, because they don't have the means to hurt themselves anymore.

I am wondering if it will help you to focus on the non-material changes in your life since you quit. I imagine you are much calmer, and have more time to lavish your kids with love. Your posts sound more positive and strong lately, yeah life chucks s**t at us, but you are wiping it off and soldiering on!

You are doing fantastically!

Take care,

f x

Thankyou R n D and Freda,

Freda- your right ..of course lol....I am trying to focus on the non material atm as im very lucky to have the complete unconditional love of my family.my health, a job and a warm home.As for the fridge it seems to be working now so im not quite sure what happened there :0)Gives me something to save for.

Ive always been quite a calm person but your right i am alot calmer or rather less snappy.

Ive also noticed my eldest isnt asking me if im ok as i look sad which he did alot when i was gambling.

Although LO has just called me a narna head so keep an eye on a well known auction site lol.

Stay Strong

E x

Hi E

Thanks for the support on my diary just think I'm realising how much of mess iv made of my life by gambling. You only realise what you have done when stop doing it for a while. Usually when I get down I would have opened up a new account and just spent all my money thinking I could get a big win and even if I did win big I would just put it all back.

So had a weekend of no gambling again which is an achievement In it's self. Not really counting days as I'm just taking it a day at a time but nearly 3 weeks gamble free apart from 1 slip up.

Anyway thanks again

Take care Alisha x

Yo TW

A flyer before I hit the sack.

A real genuine Thankyou for raising my spirits in my diary....

Isn't it fantastic for all concerned when you notice things like your eldest checking whether you're ok 🙂

Trust your well rested to the brand new week ahead of us. You're cruising a good path and a superb support to fellow posters.

Hows about getting your Reiki mum sending some vibes this way....

Night and TC

Thanks Alisha and exmug

My one day off today so just chillaxing at home today,didnt sleep very well last night kept having weird dreams which is usually a sign im anxious, i havent felt anxious about anything but obviously theres something going on in my subconscious mind.

Id like to say a big THANKYOU to everyone whos posted on my diary as i owe alot to the support and advice ive received since i joined its has been pivotal in my recovery and im not sure where i would be without it and thankyou for putting up with my ramblings:0)

Stay Strong

E xx

Hi Elizaneth ..don't you dare get out of those pjs today..lol...enjoy your day off and sending you some restful vibes...you too are an asset too this site and keep us all going in the right direction with your support and kindness even when you have your off days.....chillax lovely...i also had some weird dreams last week..think it was just the old noggin trying o process and get rid of some trash...take care ..big hugs xxx rach n dot dot xxx

Morning Elizabeth many thanks for checking post I am all good thanks just like you say really busy which is good 🙂

I see you have today off enjoy it relax and do something fun and think about me glossing my upstairs doors haha all 6 of them 🙁

keep going your doing great x

Thanks rach, wuuf dot and Pink.

Have just read a post on seanostars diary about how tired he was feeling but then he'd been living on adrenalin for god knows how long.Now his body had to cope without it.

Maybe a mixture of my body missing the adrenalin and starting to feel "normal" less stressed and tense, tiredness is just my bodies way of saying STOP.

My mum got me to pick a rune stone last week and the definition of the one i picked was it was time for me to be still i can still have all my plans but for the next few months just be still.

I can see a theme................

Thursday is my LOs 3rd birthday and i would like to throw him a huge party but finances wont allow it so i've decided we are going to have a teddy bears picnic in the front room with me,big bruv,dad and grandma and teddies of course(have to work all day:0()then saturday we are going to the zoo with his dad.Really looking forward to it haven't been to the zoo for ages.His dad is paying so it makes the trip even better:0)

Just a ramble.....

Stay Strong

E xx

Hi E...bit of a coincidence....in my meeting tonight some people talked about the same feeling of tiredness and flatness after being in recovery for a while and your right it is about adrenaline.

Your doing the right thing by resting when you can and sleeping when you need to.Also same for me after adrenaline from anger over xmas now i'm knackered..got a jobs list as long as my arm but just pacing myself.

Love the runes...I do some cards and amazing how accurate they can be eh?

Teddy Bears picnic too...I think thats a brilliant idea..Am kind of thinking of copying that for my birthday (seriously!)...

laters TW ((xxx)))

Cant bloody sleep.

In a couple of months time roughly it will be 3 years since my full and frank confession to my ex and family of the almighty f**k up i had become.

What brings this up it was shortly after this i found out i was pregnant so LOs bday has set me thinking how far have i come since then?

In the first year i didnt gamble at all i was kept on a very short leash not a bad thing in the circumstances.

In the second year i finally grew a pair and left a relationship that had basically sucked me dry of everything that was me.His way or no way that basically sums up the twenty years we were together.im sure he thought i would be back within six weeks but i was out and not going back.Got us housed,settled .....but i was slowly slipping back into gambling my crutch my way of escaping.Make my ex sound a bit of a monster hes not really just a control freak and i didnt want to be controlled we had some great times but in the end the bad outweighed the good.

In this 3rd year once the boys and i were settled the gambling really took hold again spending every spare penny i had until i had to ask for help to bail me out from my family and another confession from me OH GREAT:0(

Then in october i found a place that didnt judge me knew what i felt, felt the pain i felt o*g relief ........you betcha.

Since that time ive gone through all my ups and downs with you wonderful people reading my tails of woe and theres along road ahead of me but for some reason this place gives me the strength and courage to go down that road without fear as this diary can take my fear and lock it down while i journey on.

How far have i come in nearly three years......

Ive discovered the person i used to be nearly,ive never been a bad mum but im an even better mum now i didnt think i could do it on my own but ive proved to myself i can.i found a home,a job even moved house on my own and a van oh and my eldest with no upper body strength.Have you ever seen a 5 foot 2 woman move a settee on there own:0)I even laid my own carpet stairs as well, didnt know i could do that.

Stopping gambling isnt easy and some days its all i think about but i believe it was Mark 117 who said even if you just stop yourll see the difference boy is he right.

Ramble/rant over got to try and get some sleep work tomorrow.

E x

wow Elizabeth what a long way you have come well done, its amazing what us little ladies can do without a man around, my hubby has RSI so can only do a limited amount so its mostly down to me to do the little diy jobs but i love it 🙂 I have fixed my washer, hoover, tiled you name it I will try my hand at it but my dishwasher has stopped working today 🙁 and cant seam to get one going so think I will have to call someone out 🙁

anyway rambling now hehe but well done and keep going you are doing great xx