A real aim

Hi mile

Yes it's all our totally doing and yes that's what hurts but it is only us that can stop it Abstain it whatever you want to call it

To do this I believe we have to 100% committ oureslves to wanting to stop that gives us our first positive against all odds ( if you know what I mean)

One day at a time mile that's all and each day you will get more positive and stronger there is no easy fix we know that but it's the only way to go forward we know that too

Gambling really is a total waste of our time money and life

Pushing you through to positives and sanity

Suzanne xx

Day 1 and very much at a (final)crossroads. Not sure why but feel need to write on here for a bit of therapy. This latest lapse has scared me as am beginning to go into real financial oblivion stuff. Used money on credit card which have never done before. I now face not just paying back debt but also paying the credit card companies added interest fees for the cash advance. It's so far from the me of non gambling character where as an example,I'll walk to a parcel depot to pick something up rather than pay a 5 delivery fee.

If i have more relapses where will it lead to - payday loans and/or crime. I vow never to do either but I used to say I'd never gamble on a phone and before that never online and before that never fobts but did each time ploughing more and more money in.

This time a month ago I was 100% focused on putting gambling behind me for ever yet here I am back at day 1. I'll make no promises this time as I realise I can't. For all I know I may cave in again in 5 mins, 5 hours, 5 days, 5 months. Who knows but by writing on here I might just come back to it and realise what I can lose before I give in next time. I'll never stop fighting this that's for sure.

Hi mile

Day 1 and well done for carrying on

Stay strong and keep going

Suzanne x

as I shared on the challenge Mile keep trying

never give up

well done

tri xox

Every time I post from now on I'm going to state what I did positive that day rather than gamble. So to start off, Day 2 - phoned the site that caught me out and self excluded for the maximum 5 years.

Day 4 and rather than waste time gambling cooked myself some decent food tonight.

Well done for making it to day 4. Good on you for cooking yourself some nice food. You are doing the right thing to focus on the positives. I tried to do that today too and have managed to spend my money wisely and not gamble, even though I walked past 3 arcades that I haven't yet excluded myself from. So 1 day free from gambling so far for me.

Keep up the positivity because you will draw strength from it, and when you read your posts in the future you will smile at the positive choices you have made, as will we all.

Just went back and read your posts from the beginning. Wow, what a journey you have been on mate. Loads of positives - you have managed to be abstinent for months on end - I wish I could. I managed 3 months at most but that was when I was in counselling, had the full support of my ex and basically didn't have control over my finances.

What you said about shopping in Poundland to save money rang so true with me too - I'm always looking to save a few pence here and there and yet I am quite content to spend 1000s gambling. My head is so messed up sometimes. But I am feeling positive for me and for you, and for everyone else, that we can beat this!

Day 6 Sat down this morning and for 1st time actually tried to look at incoming finances sensibly- make a budget etc. Won't solve my debts but hopefully will help me rebuild mentally to getting me to normal control of finances.

Hi mile

Well done for making a budget and getting to one whole week

Stay strong and positive and enjoy today by winning

Suzanne xx

Day 7. Got up early and went a run. Will watch footie and athletics this afternoon. Can't afford to go out at night due to my recent stupidity but other than that this is what Saturdays are meant to be like - not watching a fake ball fall into numbers on a wheel.

Yeah we have been on here quite a while and I think I be on it for a few years to come. It helps me stay focused. Yeah I have gone 300 and something days before what made me go back is I got complacent thinking I could gamble on horses but if I lost I would go straight on the roulette. I know have realised I can never gamble on anything again because I can not control it. Somebody else takes over and its not nice being in that situation when you won,t stop until all your money gone. Its a spin of a wheel whats fun is they in that yeah ya might win but you give it back plus interest so why play it in first place. We must stop for good mile end life will be cr** if we don,t

graeme

Day 11. A good day today. Did anything specific happen - no. Just done normal things in the company of good people. I hate how my moods can change so dramatically and where simple things can make me happy little problems can knock me for six. Not going to dwell on this though, for now I'm winning. My positive act today - day 11 read many other diaries which boosted my resolve.

You will always win mate as long as you stay away from gambling of any kind.

Yeah mate im pretty hopeful boro will get at least a top 6 position. Can,t see them finishing in top 2 like but we will see

Stay strong

graeme

Hi Mile

Very well done on your days

You will never win by gambling so what is the point

Keep going and stay strong

Suzanne x