Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Just on my way out the door

Paul no I don't attend GA any longer, I speak once a week to a fella who does and we gift one another great therapy.

Why do I no longer attend, two fold I work 70+ hours a week and it's always about time management and secondly in my room there was no steps programme as such because simply each week new members would dominate proceedings, because I can't remember a week where we didn't have a new face.

That left me feeling at times that for two hours a week I mentally drove around and around a roundabout.

Yes great medicine, equally painful that 3 out of 100 revisted in the following weeks.

Sobering statistic.

Laters

Duncs.

P.s I fully advocate the room,love the 3d aspect but equally have met some astonishing folk here,fortunately some in 3d,so in a sense this is my ga room.

Dear Duncan.
A quick post to wish you and yours well.
I am rarely online never mind on the forum but I think on the good people on here regularly. What a place.
I've caught up a bit on your writings and see your a busyman!!! Congratulations on the rewards you are having in your kitchen and in your life.
We reap what we sow.
Recovery treats me well and I treat her well. 🙂
Best wishes, john

Good morning diary.

Well my old friend it's been a while since I visited you, I went to write something last night but choose sleep instead, my life has recently been dominated by work and nothing else, the quest for the employment of my number two still staggers along,in truth I thought I had the ideal candidate, start date organised and a light shining at the end of the tunnel then nothing, all communication severed, why? Who knows?

The most important thing did I, have I let it effect me? No I just rise above what life throws at me,in fact I thrive on the challenges.

I used to get all torn up mentally, I used to be woe is me and the outcome?

Dance to addictions tune.

The outcome?

Self gifted misery.

A wiser man than I wrote on these pages

'Gambling is a total waste of time'

It caused a huge amount of debate, folk got on their uppers defending their respective commitment to addiction

Because for me that statement is profoundly true, it's the be all and end all statement for me the gambling addict.

Did gambling make me happy? No.

Did gambling enhance my wealth? Doh..... qquite the opposite outcome

Did gambling educate my thirsty mind? No it cut off the desire to learn.

Most of all did gambling stop my own desire to live? Without doubt,it took and promised much in return but factually gave nothing,not just financially but in many other aspects, more important aspects.

Today I got to wake up next to my soul mate, reason alone for having a huge desire to live.

Addiction still sits and waits for opportunity, a bone to chew on.

It pleads it's case often, the old what's in it for you? You deserve to reward yourself!

Well my friend I have and will, because I have dedicated my life to living life.

With the knowledge that for me

'Gambling is a total waste of time'

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Well said Duncs.

Take care.

Feb.

My brother is a chef, ( & my mum served the queen ) dunc's and now a copper. Yet, i use to watch him but not her.;-)

I have a good prosphetic and many attachments.

I think, what i'm trying to say is that i would be honored to be your number 2. When do i start as i even know the hr answers.

Carry on living Duncs

Hai Dunc's.

Thanks for your message. Will google the prosphetic chap this evening. I get a 3 time yearly inspiration what amputees can achieve.

Not blowing my own trumpet but I'm probably one of the best if not the best 1 armed bricklayer in england. Rarely use it now as an older man, but do get the odd awkward bricky subby back when there playing up. As you may have noticed, it's part of me now and I no longer want my hand to grow back.

I'm smelling the beef thanks to you and many others..

Evening diary

I was stood outside our local takeaway waiting for our lily who picked me up from work and the manager from the bookies next door was locking up ,upon recognising me he said 'alright fella hows your luck?'

My reply 'since I stopped gambling I can't stop winning'

Now long before the gambling commission introduced their when the fun stops campaign this fella countless times shared my pain,a few times he encouraged me to walk before the walk of shame.

did I listen? Did I f**k

Tonight it struck me that all the time I fed my addiction I put it before everything, everyone and couldn't see the point in anything.

I could not find a point to anything, I couldn't commit to change because I refused to see what I brought to life was anything other than normality.

Tonight I didn't feel uncomfortable speaking to the fella,because today I don't carry the shame of the above mentioned, because today I fully accept that I am wired differently.

I am far from normal, I embrace that fact. I accept the facts in front of me, in recovery I have no ready made excuse for any actions that bring destruction, from that comes measured thought, I calculate, formulate and deliberate the path ahead.

The bottom line for me is there in black and white.

I have stopped punishing myself.

I have punished myself over and again.

I know that I need not any longer.

Again life is for living.

Me I am all in.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

Morning diary.

I was set to enjoy a relaxing lay in, lol then my daughter phoned and woke me up. Why?

To tell me something to tell callum , why not phone callum yourself my answer!

Her reply well he will be asleep!

I love our children!

So valentines day tomorrow, today the restaurant will be full of socially uncomfortable diners who feel obliged to forefill their duty and treat their respective partners.

Poppycock! Flowers get ramped up in price, restaurants exploit customers and card shops have a field day!

One of the nippers at work bought his girlfriend some chocolates yesterday, they were two pound a box more expensive than they were last week!

I have a plan, I will be telling my beautiful wife that I love her greatly tomorrow just as I did today and yesterday, tomorrow I will graft hard and yes we will be dining out. We are double dating with our lily and her fella, oh and callum and joe are coming to.

Our choice of venue. lol the place with the best view in pompey!

Odaat I might see you there! Bring that friend of ours I am sure we can entice her into a delicious burger.

Next week I might buy flowers why?

Because I want to not because I am conforming to the tune of being exploited.

Today I will keep our hard earned because I today understand it's value.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Nice!

I'm a little shrewder than you Dunc's, i just dump the gf at valentine days. Or should i of said stupid rather that shrewder?

One day soon i'd like to see that view, you can get the burgers, i'll bring the tinny's.

Enjoy your day..

Who mentioned food!? ☺....lol,

Have a great day Duncs, the place sounds (and is) like no better in this world!

Value of money is really important, it takes time to aknowledge the correct way in spending them...work in progress for me there.

Strength/respect/ warm wishes to you and yours!

As always, inspiration to us all

Keep on winning

Sandra

Hi Mr Duncs

I'm happy to read that things are good in your world. What could feel gooder than abstaining lol? Love to you and Mrs Duncs.

Catch up soon, take care

Irene (still choosing life!)

X

Morning diary.

So valentines passed, a brutal few days at work which we sailed through and move into a week were the daytime tranquillity is shattered by screaming kids,lol I must be getting old because I tolerate the constant wining badly lol,I am pretty sure that when our three were growing up if we were out in public and one created such noise they would have been extracted from said situation until the noise abated,it appears today the parents just try to ignore it or maybe they become accustomed to said constant noise, lol like it's a competition to see who can ignore it the longest.

Lol I will be turning up the radio, pardon can't hear! Good!

So we dined in style on valentines, a dirty 3/4 pound burger with fried eggs and dirty cheese oh and a pile of onions to top it off.

Delicious! And the queue was thirty deep the whole time we were there, seems folk might have clicked on my theory lol,judging by all the sad roses on sale yesterday in the supermarket I might be right,but hey 15 notes for six roses that looked like they were forced grown is steep in my mind, especially as they were reduced to a fiver yesterday!

Sarah has a week off, school holidays, do yesterday she brought the hounds to meet me after lunch and we had a lovely walk and a delicious cake from the local bakery,yes the hounds had a doughnut! Much to their joy,not Sarahs as they got jam all over her coat.

We have put ourselves under a very tight budget since Christmas, trying to clear up all the outstanding bills because we would like, well desperately need a new bed and would like to purchase a decent one and furnish our bedroom,whippet friendly of course lol. We should be financially in the position to do so mid march, a lesson in patience, something that addiction never offered.

It was all about the here and now, f**k tomorrow, eventually leaving me wanting tomorrow to never come because I had spent the opportunity to enjoy it.

Addiction took my ability to credit and exhausted it,today I am ok with that fact,I can through my actions work hard to save for the things we need and desire and equally not be owing to anyone.

We listen to the same radio station at work every day because it has a no repeat garrentee, the price we pay for it is the constant advertising, one add in particular rankles me greatly. it offers garentor loan's the 49% apr ridiculousin itself but the worst but the sanerio played out that the fella asks his mum to stand as his garentor, she replies yes as long as you drive me to bingo!

For me it links gambling with a terrible relationship with money and the advert states that you can borrow 5 grand, at 49% apr to rebuild your credit rating, of course when you default they will ruin your garentors credit rating if they don't pay.

Is this the way that the world operates today and that is a national radio station.

I will get off my soap box now lol, I can smell the sausages Sarah is fixing up for breakfast, delicious!

No doubt to be shared with my four legged friends.

Today I will live by a choice,

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Dunc's

Your posts always make my stomach rumble. Its good that you think of your 4 legged friends, but when will you start thinking of your 1 armed friend.

Its interesting what you say regarding the advert that wrankles with you. Its a sly addiction with even slyer people behind the wheel of destruction. Your well and truely seeing through the b.s.

Have a brisk day...

If it's only one thing I will take away after reading your diary Dunc's, it is "Gambling is a waste of time".

So true.

Paul

Morning diary.

Thanks for the kind words folks.

I have given thought over the past couple of days to the area where I work, on occasion I wander into the small town centre, for no other reason than to gift my mind a moments rest, to aimlessly wander unhindered, to look at what the competition are feeding their diners. in contrast where I worked before the homehomeless situation is seemingly less but they are wholly different, before I would often stop and chat and often that would be enough, a few words, maybe the change from my pocket and always a thank you from both of us.

The homeless are seemingly very aggressive in the town I find myself in today, they are equally better dressed and must store their wares elsewhere because they don't carry their possessions with them, as a result folk cross the road in avoidance.

You might think why write this?

Because it has left me mentally struggling, I don't wish to judge anyone, I take as I find yet I have found myself questioning both sides of the situation.

Are they genuinely homeless?

Are they aggressive because the community has ignored their pleas,refused to offer a hand of kindness?

Six of one half a dozen of the other?

I connected with a good few in Portsmouth city centre, understood the position many found themselves in,I believe their mental health the contending factor in many cases and they found a weird comfort from living purely for survival.

Homelessness is a terrible thing no?

But like living with addiction revealed to the world it has a stigma attached to it.

Like the world knows it's there yet ignores it.

I trod so close to possibility of seeing homelessness as an outcome it compels me to wantantly offer my hand.

Yet it feels like I face imposters in the town I frequent.

I lived a constant life of lies,one which became a warped reality

Today maybe I have a better ability to sense what is true.

There's the quandary

To commit without judging.

A working progress.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.