Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Morning diary.

Well yesterday was a truly hard days graft, we were truly busy and were a man down, fortunately for us our lily was sent home from her job early and came and dug us out of the hole we found ourselves in.

Sarah did provide the perfect reward for our efforts, a truly lovely roast, chicken and gammon and all the trimmings, delicious!

Then at half eight I put myself to bed. Boy did I need it I slept like a log.

Work beckons shortly fridges all need re stocking and the week ahead sees mothering Sunday we are pretty much fully booked and I will need to be on top form to ensure that we continue to get it right.

I will cut my cloth accordingly this week, work and sleep the agenda.

Addiction will be stalking about that I am aware of, but as the lessons have taught me I will be vigilant and stay in control.

This week will be tough the management leave on Friday and are spoiling for a dramatic exit.

I refuse to rise to the bait.

Bigger fish to fry!

Whole plaice anyone lol!

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Another excellent post Dunc's. Love reading your words.

Morning diary.

Today I woke up feeling like I had only just fell asleep, I am without doubt feeling the effects of days on days without rest something that today I need to address.

Addiction rode into town, gunslinging firing at will.

I know it's trying to cook up the whole 'what's the f*****g point!'

Attitude in my mind.

Did I give to it? Is it right?

Is it f**k

I have in my life put myself in far more exhausting positions without gain, I would work 100 week and simply feed it into a 500 quid dream breaker.

I have a vision of life today and I love it, I have taken what opportunities recovery has offered and used them to gain the upper hand, just because there's a temporary spanner in the works I refuse to relinquish control and frankly take the easiest option.

I walked in those shoes.

Instead I watched a bit of catch up on the tablet, wandered with the hounds and gifted myself an hours reading here

The result is I rode addiction out of my mind

I know it will be back looking for an opening, looking to dine on my emotions and tiredness

I have my armour ready, I will happily do battle with you because I know how to win.

Without feeding you addiction I am the winner.

Now do you like apples?

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

How do you like them apples!!addiction 0 duncs 852!

Evening diary.

Well I got through the day, got truly soaked getting to work it was raining so hard it was raining both up and down lol.

Didn't dampen my desire to get it on.

I had a very productive day, the outgoing managers desire to argue was met with silence and I carried out all and more I wanted to accomplish.

Another stock take tomorrow morning and I have everything in order to complete the task without too much effort.

Then all guns blazing to prepare for the weekend ahead.

Addiction has left me in peace again, the results of the attitude I hold toward it.

My glass is half full and addictions more than half empty.

The only black mark on the day was my beloved Portsmouth snatched a draws from the jaws of another victory conceding in the last minute. In the grand scheme of things it is what it is.

Off to bed now with a true feeling of inner peace.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hey Duncs

Great work! Looks like you were riding out a tough one a day or so ago. I'm realising more and more - what's really important is not how we act when we feel good. It's how we act when we're feeling down/stressed/tired. Recognising any inner difficulties we might be experiencing at any one time, but not allowing ourselves to get totally sucked in to our own negative narrative, by keeping our values close and by moving towards what matters in our lives.

Best wishes

Louis

duncanmac wrote:

Evening diary.

Well I got through the day, got truly soaked getting to work it was raining so hard it was raining both up and down lol.

Didn't dampen my desire to get it on.

I had a very productive day, the outgoing managers desire to argue was met with silence and I carried out all and more I wanted to accomplish.

Another stock take tomorrow morning and I have everything in order to complete the task without too much effort.

Then all guns blazing to prepare for the weekend ahead.

Addiction has left me in peace again, the results of the attitude I hold toward it.

My glass is half full and addictions more than half empty.

The only black mark on the day was my beloved Portsmouth snatched a draws from the jaws of another victory conceding in the last minute. In the grand scheme of things it is what it is.

Off to bed now with a true feeling of inner peace.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Sleep the sleep of a peaceful and humble ombre. Peace.

Morning diary

on a bus to work,a rare treat but one I am allowing myself as I will conserve ​all my energy for the job in hand,the next three days are going to be a rough ride.glorious sunshine this morning I walked the hounds in a shirt!!!addiction has receeded back to the deepest part of my mind,it's battered by my attitude,it's all mardy and feeling hard done by. Oh how the tables have turned!abstain and maintain

duncs stepping forward never back.

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Morning diary.

So the management left, no bust ups but they tried to load the gun for the owners and the temporary manager who takes charge today, for me that gun is full of blanks, nothing anyone can throw my way will effect the way I approach life and with that I am happy.

I am not punishing myself, addiction loves to try the head funk that abstinence is a form of punishment, well my old friend you couldn't be further from the truth.

Abstinence is a gifted opportunity, it's a gun full of life, I will take each bullet it fires and take great joy in doing so.

Work beckons I am refreshed from a good night's sleep and have had the pleasure of a few hours of my beautiful wife's company, windows ckeaned,conservatory washed down and the housework done and a big smile whilst doing it.

Because I choose to, I consider myself lucky to have the opportunity.

Recovery never stops providing, as a pose to addiction that just wanted feeding.

Today again I choose to starve mine.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

You still inspire me as much as you did on my day 1 on this rollercoaster of a journey of life.

Your determination through your ups and downs with this addiction, never cease to make me smile.

Well done my friend,

Keep starving it, it simply hates that, (even it it still manages to mess with our heads at times lol.

Suzanne xxx

Morning Dunc.

Just dropping in to wish you well and continued strength and resolve. It's been quite a journey so far my friend!

Best wishes,

Gazza

Evening diary.

Well I have just had a night off, our baby boy callum ran the kitchen for the night, he has been working as a potman since I started my job and has surpassed everyone's expectations, mine included,fair play he goes to college full time and still puts in 25 plus hours a week for me.

Sarah and I have been out for supper, a true joy,date night, the reward for hard graft,my first night off in 50 services.

I am deeply content, I have fought off addictions callings and look forward every day.

I read around the forum a great deal in the past two days, I have wanted to urge for a united front, I believe that the industry would love to see us divided in our opinions because it would strengthen the argument that we simply don't exist.

For me there is no blueprint for recovery because we are all diverse, we all have individual cases,one size doesn't fit all.

Needless to say we can all learn from one another, accept our differences and fight the common goal, to end the self destruction that is our addiction.

Tonight I try to find rational thinking.

Which is worse?

A millionaire staking one thousand pounds a spin or the fella on minimum wage staking a fiver a spin?

If they are compulsive gamblers in my eyes they are equal because they both share a common mantra

I cannot win because I cannot stop.

The stake is irrelevant because the outcome is equalling in the results

Self destruction.

My purpose first and foremost in life is to encourage as many folk as possible to seek the gift of recovery.

Because purely and simply that for me is what it is.

I truly am convicted to relentlessly pursuing it,from it I have a life.

I cannot change the past, that I fully accept, I refuse to punish myself anymore for my wrong doings because truthfully I let addiction punish me enough.

I tonight am humbled by my youngest sons actions from them I learnt a phenomenal lesson.

Embrace opportunity.

From it marvellous things happen.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Morning Dunc's , I don't speak to you often but always enjoy you take on life when reading your posts , I must admit that your son sounds more keen than mine was to work in the kitchen . I tried everything to make him come and and join me me in my catering establishment when he was at college but he truly had no interest at all and was greatfull when the time came where he could scurry off to uni and avoid any future plans I had for him . LOL !.

I love to see the way you take pleasure in embracing life and everything it has to offer , you come across as someone who's seized a second chance at life and who takes a positive from every negative and thats quite refreshing and although I've not been here long thats something I'm trying to achieve with my own recovery .

Keep enjoying life my friend and all it has to offer and I may see you at the Burger van some day ?

Best wishes to you and yours and deepest respect !

The voice of reason as always Duncs, you're an inspiration. Having read your diary for a couple of years now (previously under a different guise), I am still in awe of you. You're an advert for GA if ever there was one. Thanks for sharing and caring with us.

Morning diary.

I have given a great deal of thought to the cycle of recovery in the past few days, I believe that I see the same pattern of behaviour in many folk who feed gambling addiction.

I could make everything look like I wasn't the creator but the victim.

I could always find time to gamble yet appeared to have no such time.

I professed to be a 'good' gambler who enjoyed the sport.

I did it to enhance my families wellbeing.

All of those actions were part of my daily existence as a functioning addict, I refused anybodies advice, I refused to see what I was creating and plainly couldn't care less, all I functioned for eventually was the next punt.

I would constantly compare myself to others, the old answer a question with a question or deflect the answer to 'it wasn't me!'

Well it was, I don't honestly know if I feared missing the escape or I really believed that I could and would eventually win.

I would have rather buried my head in the sand that's for sure.

What's different today.

Truthfully I believe that it starts and ends with honesty, I have to be honest firstly with myself and from that I have stopped the need for escape, I can be truthful to others as a result, I have no dirty underlying secret to withhold, I am not formulating as to whether you can either see the devastating truth or can I tap you up for some gambling tokens.

I believe from that I have a better belief in what is important to me, equally what's important to other folk to boot.

Looking through green eyes I believe was a bye product of my addiction, addiction used to feed the thought

'Look at what they have! You deserve the same! '

With gambling the flaw is for me there wasn't an end game, I simply wanted action.

Today I accept I cannot afford to fund action, I refuse to let my past be a lifetime of punishment, I truly wish and have where possible made amends for my shortcomings.

I believe that acceptance came from honesty.

Honesty is a powerful tool, taken in the wrong context I am fully aware that the outcome of honesty can become cruel and I respect it for that.

Because I have walked in some terrible places,I did live in a glass house on pillars of sand.

I used to willingly throw stones.

Today I lay yhem as foundations for a solid life.

Most of all one that whatever the weather I fully intend to enjoy.

Abstain and maintain.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Great stuff as always Duncs,
Honesty is indeed the foundation of recovery. Firstly with oneself for without that it is impossible to be honest with others.

For 30 years i lived a life envious of what everybody else had. I was so busy wanting what i could see in others i was blind to the riches & beauty right in front of my nose.

My search for validation from others only stopped when i recognized no one was judging me except me. Today the only persons acceptance i need is the man in the mirror. When i have his, others opinions of me tend to follow.

Dan x