Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Hi there, congratulations on 500 days. I often read your diary, the help and advice you offer others, what a journey you've had. Anyone who feels there is no hope should read your diary and have faith in themselves that things can change. Take care S 🙂

Flying by with cyber strength & hugs as you negotiate this latest raincloud my friend ((Duncs))

And in case I forget..Happy Birthday Callum & Mr Blue for 2moz 🙂

Congratulations Duncan on 500 days gamble free.

You have come a long way through sheer hard work. It is not been easy but you have maintained a strong desire to make sense of it all. Now living a meaningful life, free from addiction, you are indeed a good man of integrity, courage and compassion. I have the utmost respect and admiration for what you have achieved.

Wishing you every happiness, contentment and good adventures as you continue on your journey ...stephen

Huge congrats on 500 days my man. Bring on 500 more and even more there after.

Keep sailing on through that storm. Once you pass through the eye of the storm it will be tranquil on the other side... Head for that place with all your might.

Good luck with the BBQ :o)

Morning dear diary
Thanks so much for the kind words everyone I am deeply humbled by the way folk behave here.
Recovery is something that brings out the humility in folk, when I was active I couldn't give a hoot about anyone or anything unless I was to benefit, everyone and everything was seen as the enemy.
Folk, family, work colleagues just got in the way of my gambling tokens, I was deeply bitter and twisted.
I was unable to accept the consequences of my actions, it was always somebody else's fault.
That is pretty hideous isn't it.
Today I am able to accept my shortfalls and equally apologise when I am wrong.
I equally have the ability to speak up when I am wronged.
It's a balance.
So my mental wellbeing is returning to a better place, I have slept a great deal over the past three days and answered to my bodies needs.
I understand myself so much better today.
Again I choose life.
Addiction has battered my defences over the past few days, it saw an in.
I held strong, I surrounded myself with good intentions.
Addiction is the one left licking it's wounds.
A good thing.
I accept it will always be a part of my mind.
Today I made a choice.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back.

Morning dear diary.
Another busy week of work for me and three more days graft lay ahead before the week is out.
I have been following the recent brexit developments and I have to say that I am not surprised by the circus it has become.
Why?
Because I liken it to the life of an active compulsive gambler.
No plan in place from the outset just throwing yourself at something that you don't fully believe in because deep down you know what the outcome will be.
The abject feeling of loss.
How can this be the deal that people want, when we were asked a question which a majority gave an answer to that in my opinion nobody in politics even considered they would so no plan or policy was ever made.
The result is it's become like a sketch from a monty python film.
Add to that the white elephant in my opinion which are the new regulations over the fobt and it leaves me thinking that there is not a single mp I would put in charge of running a bath.
I accept that I can't change the outcome of those events so I will focus upon the things I myself can.
I have struggled with the past few days at home, why??
Because Sarah has worked two night shifts and they threw my ability to sleep, I laid restless and couldn't relax, I accept that it's not unacceptable for Sarah to work whatever shifts help her to progress in her new career and I expressed that to her last night, but I was equally honest about how it made me feel.
Equally working a couple of nights meant that on her 'day off'
Yesterday she slept all day which kind of took her day off away.
Still I can only express how I feel and from that try to become a better person.
We did manage an early evening session in the steam and sauna before supper which was a pleasant way to finish the day.
We have been eating well this week which gifts me a better amount of energy and more get up and go.
The outcome balance, in mind and body.
From that I make a choice
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back.

Afternoon dear diary.
Another week negotiated without stepping across the freshhold of a bookmakers, another week were my life held meaningful moments, a week in which work dominated and for me that's OK.
Today I have a day off, I got up early and ran the dogs, they love to run and the field was empty, they had their zoomies as we call it and came home and went back to bed.
I had the intention of getting to the gym early and then to head to the cinema but my body said sleep so I went back to bed.
I feel great for it and we are sat enjoying a coffee in the hotel bar after a late visit to the gym and wet room.
I have been feeling under the weather for the past few days, sore throat and a hell of a cough and headache. I know my body needs a rest so I'll give it as much as I can this week. We were going to head to mums for a few days r and r but I have work every other day so we have shelved the plans.
Sarah has a few days off so we will get to enjoy each others company.
Everything today has a meaning, happens for a reason.
I value the small simple things, they provoke me to try harder.
As for addiction.
I sits dormant, skulking in the back of my head, longing for the opportunity to try to regain control.
Just for today I have the reigns.
Off to find a new rucksack, time for a bag that looks after my body better, the satchel I have is brutal on my one shoulder lol.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back.

Evening diary.
No bookmakers tempted me today, why would they??
The presence of a punt would offer one outcome.
Destruction.
Because I live with addiction.
Just for today it remains arrested.
That is enough.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back.

Morning dear diary.
Well up with the larks this morning, Sarah has a couple of early starts and we went to bed early so after a day off yesterday I am up and full of beans.
Long working day for me today as tomorrow I have an appointment at the vet with Mr blue, he has developed quite a few lumps on his chest and I need to get them checked out, with honesty I fear the worst and instead of avoiding the potential outcome I will face whatever it is and do from that the best I can.
He and hovis have been such a huge part of my life these past few years, they have been by my side without question every step.
I know it may sound strange but I have a greater connection with the pair of them than I do with most humans, we have an understanding of each other and it's unconditional.
Other than that another busy week ahead, the festive season approaching fast, well folk were in the pub on Sunday eating the Christmas menu and wearing paper hats, yes the 25th of November and folk booked a Christmas meal out!!
For me a truly terrible thing but hey ho, I know that in 29 days the Isle in my local supermarket that is currently filled with festive goods will be full of creme eggs!!!
And I love a creme egg lol.
The gym has had their Christmas tree up for the last two weeks and I wondered how long it will be until folk just leave them up all year round, the same goes for the houses around me that look like they have robbed the Blackpool illuminations!!!
Still each to their own.
We have booked mum and Ed into a hotel so we can enjoy each others company for a few days, for us that's the greatest gift we could have.
Right off to wander across the top of my beloved city with my best friends, well that's if I can coax them out of our bed where they have been since Sarah got up,lol they love it when one of us is out the door early they are straight in and snuggled up together.
A truly adorable sight.
Today I will live with a mantra
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back.

Morning dear diary
Well an eventful week just gone, addiction dominated it's outcome.
Not mine but the pubs head chef's alcoholism.
He turned up intoxicated more than once but seemed to have gone for one too many before work and promptly got himself dismissed.
So I was called and am back in the saddle until a replacement can be found.
I am happy to work the next three weeks straight but am off from Christmas eve through until New year's eve because I have plans, we are having a family Christmas, a proper family Christmas and nothing will stop us from doing so.
For the first time I can remember I am actually looking forward to it, not the commercial side but the time I will get to enjoy spending with the folk that count most.
Mr blue got his test results, no cancer thankfully but a few other problems, looks like he has a heart condition which we will find out more about when we return this month but nothing that we can't deal with so I am so pleased in that regard as I wrote he has played such a huge part of my life since we rescued him.
In turn he has rescued me.
So up with the larks this morning, I will grab a steam and sauna on route to work, an early finish today as we don't open on Monday nights, a family roast the plan.
Addiction lays sulking again in the doldrums of my mind, I await it trying to gatecrash the party.
I have a doorman to refuse it entry
Because the outcome of its presence would have only one outcome.
Destruction
Not today, that's all I have to look after.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back

Evening diary.
So another day at the stove, a day of straightening things out and a serious deep clean, funny how folk have different standards of what they call clean, me I learnt the old school way, everything is left the way you found it every day day, which means everything is shiny and new, so today all but one piece of kit is clean, proper clean and the last piece will be done tomorrow.
In truth the other staff hate it, my ethics but I really don't care, I am not going to lower my standards for anyone else so they can have an easier life.
So I got away in time to grab a steam and sauna and now I nurse a single pint of the black stuff before heading home to wander with my beloved hounds.
Then a quick snuggle before repeating the same.
The moral of today.
Look after myself, live to be the best I can.
That begins and ends without stepping into a bookmakers.
Today I didn't.
For that reason I win.
For that reason tomorrow will be a better day.
Today I choose life.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hope you enjoyed the pint of the black stuff. Your posts are honest and inspirational. Here’s to a gamble/stress free Christmas.

Duncan,

I hope this post finds you and your family in the best of health.

Many thanks for stopping by my diary last week (or so). As ever your kind words mean so much and I genuinely do feel that you are right behind me - as you have been behind so many gamble free days since we met on this forum.

Your last post made me chuckle. You seem to share a similar work ethic. Just as you seem to relish an immaculately clean kitchen; I cannot abide an office unless every single file is tucked away alphabetically in the cabinet and every staple and paper clip removed from the carpet! A clean adn tidy work space is a productive and happy one - needless to say customers getting food poisoning is less common in my line of work!

As I prepare for my 40th on 21st (thought I would drop that in), I am starting to wind down and look forward to a peaceful and gamble free Christmas and so hope that you are able to do the same.

Best wishes,

Mark

Morning dearest diary.
Markman fella your words truly humbled me.
So I have been at the stove all week another busy day ahead and I am already a couple of hours into it, I feel great, I have learnt a lot about myself, how graft is my driving force.
I will enjoy myself, tomorrow I will reap the benefits.
I don't want to gamble today, just for today I understand the value of those words.
Life is simply worth more than the outcome of any punt.
Tomorrow Sarah and I will enjoy an evening together.
The icing on the cake.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back.

Morning dear diary.
So a good day had yesterday, not a single complaint, well one lady demanded a cushion as the chair was too hard!!
We had fun, laughter really does help a man through long tough days and as a team we have a good working relationship and as a result I believe that customers get the best of what we do.
I was blessed again with some excellent produce, without doubt it makes life in a kitchen easier.
So as a result the landlady brought us all a pint and another week is put to bed.
Today I have a half day, then home to spend an evening with my soul mate, the person who makes it worthy of the effort I give.
I pinched myself this morning to check that I wasn't dreaming, that this amazing, beautiful caring woman is sharing our bed.
Then of course I looked down to see a whippet had wedged himself between us!!!!!!
They love the warm bed lol.
Still off out for a wander with them before work.
Today the door between me and the bookies will remain closed.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back.