Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Dear Gamcare.

When I joined this forum I felt like the world had cast me aside, that I was to live under a shadow for the rest of my life, an outcast, someone who could not be trusted, respected ever again, Well today thanks to this forum and all the amazing folk upon it I walk tall,stick in hand ready to face up to whatever today sends. the humility and compassion shown on this site from folk who whilst at it would have looked the other way at best does simply drive my ever pounding heart, harder faster. Today I will live, thankyou one and all never give up giving up.

Duncs cap doffed to all at gamcare.

Stepping forward never back.

HI Duncs,

Lesson learnt. Enough said. !!

I had lessons presented to me in so many forms but with the gambling goggles on I couldnt of spelt lesson never mind learnt them.

Your eyes are wide open now duncs and you will without question find that role which is right for you, i know that for sure.

I loved the saying, and live I will continue doing every day i say those imortal words. "no bet today".

The family are well, woody is a lunatic lol , but is only a baby and extremley funny with his mad ways. All is good in the blondie house.

Best wishes to you and yours.

Blondie 🙂

Dunc,

Just catching up with post after a week away, sorry to hear about your job issues, but you have it well under control. every day you have not gamble has made you stronger and they way you have handled this on proves that more that any words could!

Stay strong and happy cooking!!

Steve

Dear Mr Duncs..

I trust you 100% with my life and soul....you came through for me 100% over and above and where there in my darkest times.

I will never forget that.

You have a collosal amount of amazing energy Duncs and what your asking for is to be met half way and not messed around...

You truly do deserve the best ..you a grafter and I know you do a fabulous job whereever you go.

I know what you mean about that "too good to be true feeling"..I have it a lot and its your instincts kicking in..trusting and listening to them is hard when we want something .

You are a seasoned professional my friend and need to be treated with the respect you deserve.

hugs and more hugs to you and the family

R and D xx

Morning diary.

today marks 35 weeks gamble free, nearer to a year than i ever thought whilst at it I would ever be.

Today I evaluate "what did gambling do for me" answers, made me short sighted,selfish,self centered,irrashonal in thought,unreliable,a control freak and worst of all for me a liar. Some of the lies I spun just to formulate a punt were truly of the map. I think I lost two dozen wallets, got robbed a few times and was always lending out cash!!

Today to step forward I evaluate "what did recovery give to me" with each day a great sense of wellbeing, honesty,self pride,a sense of purpose,love and a heart that drums a beat,a beat of life, every day I feel like dancing!! and most of all recovery has delivered to me with total clarity and shining like a beacon my Sarah, joe,lily-may and callum oh and the waif and stray Hovis. These folk my enduring family who stood by so many times and did not judge,who picked up and worked with worn out tools never complaining, those today are the people I would once again give my open hearted unrelenting love and devotion,if I return but half of what they have given me then I will have been fortunate.

This I know I am so fortunate to have and wont forget and will stride on in that knowledge that recovery is all giving.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

35 weeks is amazing! Well done and I hope you are walking tall and proud because you've beaten what I consider to be the worst addiction possible. Heroin addicts are not having to walk through a world jam packed with advertising promoting heroin use, they are offered a substitute to help them step away (methadone) and they have medical support via the NHS. We have f**k all except our will power and a couple of charities and support groups. 35 days is amazing! 35 days is amazing! Keep saying it to yourself and listen carefully for me whispering '9 days is good' somewhere behind you!

Afternoon diary.

well today is sailing by,been sat at a computer for the past two hrs doing my bit of consultancy work and hats off to anyone who has to stare at a box of light all day!!! Well to be honest today duncs is feeling a little fragile last night we had an impromptu leaving do and well lets just say I drank alot!! so today my focus is a bit blurry and with no kitchen to sweat it out in today is a struggle. Still thanks to A.N I am now suffering a tune in my head on repeat!!!

thought of the day went in half a dozen pubs last night and only one had a gaming machine and that was redundant well apart from a rather inhebriated fella using it as a leaning post lol. And for fear of sounding old one of the lads said they are a quid a go!! I said I remember!!lol

Still on the bright side got a few rods in the fire now work wise paid a few more bills today with my severence pay and still a enough in the pot to tide us over, happy days. Just for today No Bet

Duncs pigeon stepping holding a rail forward never back.LOl.

...with you there Duncs and also between jobs right now..finishing off the old and prepping for the new...

Change always seems to cost more somehow..lol...keeping my reins pulled in and strpping back unessessaary outlay as no idea if I have to work in lieu or get paid on the 16th...my ususal payday is 28th ...

Happy consulting today...and perhaps that post hangover "fry up" feeling may be on its way mid afternoon?

hugs

R and D xx

Morning diary.

Well the day did not start cloudy like yesterdays lol, been up done the house work,walked the hound a few miles(of which he found some i think foxes sh~*t and rolled in it then teared around like a maniac?? why I dont know!!) then home to finish the last of the paperwork for the consultancy. All done I sat for a solid hour whilst the only distraction was the smell from the hound lol(Bath later me thinks!!) and read and re read two of todays papers regarding the tradgedy of hillsborough. I for 23 yrs have to be honest have had somewhat of a distorted view of what happened and today hope that the families of those who lost there lives can at least have some peace of mind. A terrible tragedy I hope never happens of the like anywhere again. So now today a day of rest for the day, no job chasing, no chores just off to grab a few bits of shopping then an afternoon watching the cycling, the tour of britain!! well aside from the south lol. Today I will not gamble, not for anything, a quick thought to record saw a friend of mine and sarah's this morning, sadly her and her hubby have fallen upon hard times and was told they are leaving there home to move back in with there parents along with the three kids to boot!! rewind my life 8 months my addled brain would have used that today to embark on some mission to have a bender of a punt to secure there future!! the enevitable outcome another emptying of the bank acc would have ensued and blame proportioned!! fast forward 8 months I asked if I could buy there washing machine!! my way of helping and yes helping me in the process, oh and my beloved can go to the bank and the funds?? same as yesterday!!!

I cant fix all the problems for everyone, even more so by having a punt, I could if I wanted to set off on a path of wanten destruction!! Will I just for today No!! I will enjoy the day for what it brings and firstly folks a bath for the hound LOL!!!!!!!!!!!

Recovery delivers many lessons, today I know I listen and value them all great and small.

Duncs compulsive gambler NO BET Today.

stepping forward never back.

hey Duncs

Thank you for your post and yes..i know that roll around in fox poo only too well...thats the only reason dot wears a jacket in the winter..so i dont have to bath her all the time!

she does the same with anything dead aswell like birds...and my social life!! lol

So..onwards you go and the generous spirit of Duncs shines through in wanting to help your friends aswell..I hope they find a solution to their situation as with three children in tow it cant be easy....there by the grace of god they say....as it could be anyone of us who falls on hard times the same way ...

I really have no idea about the hillsborough disaster but I know that up here the sales of the Sun newspaper declined massively and never recovered but justice has finally been done this week...and peoples good reputations cleared...albeit way too late.

My uncle was at the match during the Bradford fire at the football ground many years ago,.He survived but saw people who did'nt and had suffered for many yeas afterwards pyschologically.

They said the safety cert was 10 years out of date for Hillsborough...we attend these big events kind of expecting safety as standard but its not always the case til something happens.

well my friend....try and make some time for yourself and rest up..we need more hours in the day somedays as Ii dont know how we manage to fit all our lives in an post on GC...

never back...

R and D xxx

Yo,

I watched a documentary on hillbough the other night and then read the papers this morning. It was great to see the start of that wrong being put right . If it had been one of my children I would have fought for 23 years for justice . I really hope that this is the start of that not the end .

As for lessons learnt , we all of us through recovery changing some of the changes are so subtle that we do not register them . But they are there. We are changing the way think , the way we behave , the way we react.

This is working recovery in my opion, you do it everyday , in everything you do. Makes me wonder sometimes what we will be like in a year .

Have a great day , hope you have a spare gas mask handy lol

Shiny xxxxxxx

Hey Duncs,

conjunctivitis.com, there's a site for sore eyes.

On a more serious note I don't know how those police officers slept at night after all those lies about Hillsborough. We constantly rubbish ourselves about some of the shi tty things we have done. That job is meant to have honesty and integrity at it's core. More like help, serve and protect our jobs. Sorry for the rant, it's your diary. Just realised. on one again.

Great to see you still stepping forward mate, not even a fairy step back. Ever!

Keep smiling.

A.N

hey duncs...

thank you for being understanding and your so right.. use my diary to also dump the trash like sparks flying off a lathe...its my guilt free "me " space.

I am so hard on myself .flog and drive myself to extremes and i have no other escape than this diary of mine..I use it so I dont act out on my own addictions.

Its like therapy for me ..so some of the downer that you may read is the stuff I would normally squash down,internalise and drink on or shop on or run into a relationship on to escape.

Thats what we codeps do.

So youre right...its not so much fixng it when im down..its just thinking ..Yup..I see the signs ..she'll be ranty then down for day..play a few tunes and back up..thats my pattern. BUT ..i used to act out on that so you would never see it until I couldnt hold it in any more and then BANG!

Thank you my friend for seeing me over the fence...all the same path...just getting to our place of stability and peace of mind on our different roads..

ps..Hovis...what a wuss in his coat!! LOL...

hugs

R and D xx

Morning Diary.

thanks A.N,Rach and shiny your support amongst the many others really does help every scrap of it.

Well lessons,valuable lessons learnt from yesterday took the freshly bathed hound out for a 4 mile walk today in his coat and he prances along in it like a queen so no chance of any repeats of yesterdays perfomance ( thanks rach) This forum really is a font of knowledge, not just for tools of recovery but life in general. Today I have secured two further interviews for monday and three days more consultancy work next week off the back of this weeks job, I may do this as a sideline in the future as it is something I enjoy and am amazed at how little people look at there margins!!!

So today I topped up my resolve to fight the urge of wanten destruction of my fabulous life by having a punt!! I thought about it yesterday afternoon sat on the couch channel hopping I do get the feeling somewhere deep inside that the punt is a great idea!! then if it comes to the forefront of my mind I can just laugh at it, normally out loud, it came in the que in the shop the other day looking at the £10 scratchcard, and recently on the bus there was odds of some ridiculous nature in the windows of the bookies. Before I would have let those thoughts all consume me, they would have become the be all and end all, today I can see my ridiculous former self stood outside the shop scratching like mad, getting off the bus at the next stop!!

Today I log on here,therapy it is, medicine I crave, but this I know is healthy, Rach asked yesterday were do we get the time?? At it my dear friend I wasted far more!!

So today topped up on self esteem I doff my cap to one and all

Enjoy Recovery I do.

Duncs compulsive gambler NO BET today.

Stepping forward never back.

Yo,

Tell Sarah it was my pleasure , and I hope she could make some sence of my spelling lol

Good luck with your interviews next week shame you can not do your consulting all the time , recon you have enjoyed the freedom of working at home

Anyways it will nice to spend an entire weekend at home with your family . Enjoy cause I know you do not get many of them ..

Shiny xxxxx