Addiction woes 102 days since my last bet

Hi tulsi

Sorry to hear your troubles. Sounds like all the unhealthy things you are doing/considering probably all stem from the same issue. These are all symptoms and you need to address the cause (you).

Do you have someone you can talk to? Would you benefit from someone independent to talk to ie a counsellor.

I promise you that gambling will increase your suffering to a new level.

Wish you well.

Louis

Dear Tulsi,

I echo Louis sentiment, it sounds like there is a core emotional issue within you that is leading to your unhelpful behaviours, of which gambling is only one option. It sounds like you are drinking or considering affairs possibly for the same reason you gambled. Is there something painful you are trying to get distance from? Or a sense of unfulfillment in your life that you are trying to fill?

Keep talking on here, and do not be afraid to take an honest look at your life. There are many options out there for healing wounds of the past that will not cause you further problems. Addiction is usually only the top layer, the real problem tends to be underneath the addiction. The addiction to anything is often an unhelpful way of trying to cope with a deeper wound or loss. It sounds like counselling may be helpful for you at this point, but if you don't feel ready, try to speak as honestly on here as you can, to get used to the vulnerability of being seen in an anonymous way. It will stand you in good stead for any counselling or groups you may engage in. We are right here with you!

Thanks for the responses. A couple of friends have been going on about inner work (what is going on inside). I'm not sure, but it could be that I think I'm not good enough? It's like I'm not looking after myself at the minute. I can change that. I've had a healthy breakfast and am just cooking a healthy lunch. I have to remind myself. I am worth having good things in my life. I am worth having money. I am worth having good health. I am worth having good friends. There is a side to me that it destructive. It wants to spend all day gambling. It wants to do drugs and drink booze unhealthily. It was me to be unhealthy.

Sounds like you are on the right path to self-knowledge TulsiT. If you have identified low self-worth, changing your behaviour to respect yourself is a good move - the ole 'fake it til you make it', as it may not seem natural in the beginning. Over time though, taking care of yourself can become your default response when faced with a choice. A good next step may be to figure out what experiences in your life may have led to this sense of low self-worth. There are many possibilities, no point in me listing them, as your experience is unique to you. Some examples could be learned behaviour from a parent who was not happy with themselves, a poor relationship with a parent who may have put you down when growing up, bullying, abandonment, etc. Or it could have developed as a result of letting yourself down over the years with choices. One thing is for sure, it will not be innate. Low self-worth can be be the result of us blaming ourselves for something we either could not change, or, if we had control over it, denied the problem and chose not to change it. We come to the conclusion that there is simply something fundamentally wrong with us, and that is why the bad things happened. This is faulty logic, but it can be challenged. Just like taking better care of your health will become a new habit if you pursue it long enough, replacing self-derogatory and self-blaming thoughts with more balanced thoughts, can also become a new habit. You have good insight, stick in there, it sounds like your clarity is increasing.

Lightsout wrote:

Sounds like you are on the right path to self-knowledge TulsiT. If you have identified low self-worth, changing your behaviour to respect yourself is a good move - the ole 'fake it til you make it', as it may not seem natural in the beginning. Over time though, taking care of yourself can become your default response when faced with a choice. A good next step may be to figure out what experiences in your life may have led to this sense of low self-worth. There are many possibilities, no point in me listing them, as your experience is unique to you. Some examples could be learned behaviour from a parent who was not happy with themselves, a poor relationship with a parent who may have put you down when growing up, bullying, abandonment, etc. Or it could have developed as a result of letting yourself down over the years with choices. One thing is for sure, it will not be innate. Low self-worth can be be the result of us blaming ourselves for something we either could not change, or, if we had control over it, denied the problem and chose not to change it. We come to the conclusion that there is simply something fundamentally wrong with us, and that is why the bad things happened. This is faulty logic, but it can be challenged. Just like taking better care of your health will become a new habit if you pursue it long enough, replacing self-derogatory and self-blaming thoughts with more balanced thoughts, can also become a new habit. You have good insight, stick in there, it sounds like your clarity is increasing.

Thanks Lightsout. Great response. It's not just childhood experiences. It's now experiences. There's times when I didn't say a thing when I should have said something. There's times when I should have backed my kids up, but didn't. I'm not a bad person at all but there is something that is coming up recently. It's happened, I can now see it. That's the way it is. I can change it. Like you say, fake it to make it. Things are improving for sure. It's just a case of riding through those rocky times and striving to get stronger!

Dear TulsiT,

it's great to hear you speak with such self-awareness. We cannot change the past, but the future is firmly in our hands. Current and future loved ones want us to be people they can respect and rely on, they have this hope in their hearts and are ready to cheer on our transformation! Make those changes with forgiveness toward yourself, we all fall down at times. We can only do our best at the time. But we can improve our best every time we try until we nail it! It's great to hear the honesty and determination in your post.