Aim for Peace of Mind

Day 88 today and feeling great, still have money in the bank and have not touched a penny to gamble, hope this continues as the sense of well being is overwhelming compared to the dark sordid days of gambling.

Am now starting to spend money buying little gifts for myself and family, still have debts to pay but they are my reminder of how bad life can get. Have stuck to my promise not to gamble in 2014, still taking one day at a time and still attending GA which is a great source of support and recovery. Just for today I will not gamble.

Hope x

Am now back to square one. Had the most awful relapse on Monday night which has left me devastated but I have to pull myself together and start again, so Tuesday 3rd June is day 1 again.

Have been open and honest with my husband about what has happened but despite his upset and disappointment he wants to continue to support me as he knows how committed and determined I have been to recover from this horrendous addiction.

Today is day 3 and despite money in the bank to pay for bills it is still there and for that purpose only, I can't and refuse to go through the physical as well as mental upset this horrific illness causes again, life is too precious to be have constant worry and anxiety like this.

Have had alot of personal stuff going on lately and want to concentrate on everything getting back to "normal".

Hope everybody else stays safe and on the right track.

Hope x

Hope thanks for the post..

Your diary is almost identical to mine. I am back to square one and this is only day 4 for me. I am about 100k in debt and keep trying to take my wages and gamble it to recover my losses quickly. Every time i have tried i have failed so i have finally given up trying and losing. I will do it the long hard way and that is working and saving my money and paying the wolves when they come for there money. I have put every blocker i can now in place. This time i am really determined to be a winner, at the moment i am in that dark place tho waking up with the dread and realization of what i have done and lost. I don't see any light at the end of my tunnel yet it is way to early. At the start of my dairy i was feeling good about my blocks and telling my wife but this time i know its too early to be feeling better off. I will earn my good feelings by not gambling each day i know in time the days will mount up and good feelings will slip back into my life but right now hell no i feel the worst ever in my life. I also have learn t now that i can never bet on a coin toss either as it will trigger something much worse. I will read your diary daily and hope to see you here more frequently pardon the pun. We both can do it and were both on same sort of days free lets get high numbers together.

CasinoRoyaloser

Feel I am in a bad place at the moment, I have been totally deceitful and used my husbands phone when he was asleep last night and was able to access the internet and an online slot account. I have spent all night gambling and feel awful today and spent all of our money again for the month. At one stage I was up 2700 and lost the lot again. I am now waiting again for money to be deposited by family members into my account to cover expenses for the month. Fortunately all bills/direct debits were paid before I withdrew any cash but I still feel horrendously ashamed and disgusted with myself when I have been trying so hard to break this addiction. I dont know why I have gone out of control over the last month, I have had 2 close family member bereavements and my husband is recovering from a major accident and here am I adding to our woes. These circumstances are not an excuse for me to gamble, it makes me feel worse that I am exploiting a vulnerable situation and I know I need to stop. I have told my husband I can access his phone when he is asleep and he is now putting further gambling blocks in place on his phone.

I just want to stop and get back to a life pre gambling if that will ever happen. When I start to gamble like everybody else all sense of rational thinking is non existent and I "forget" if that is the right word to use all words of wisdom/strategies to help me stop.

I cant say today is day 1 as I have gambled over night but tomorrow will be day 1 and this persecution will stop for good.

If anyone has any ideas how to stop that first bet I would really appreciate some input.

Hope x

Day 1 today and already feel better, the realisation of what I wen through yet again yesterday makes me feel so bad. I cant stop thinking about recent family bereavements and how both members would have cherished another day on this earth and here am I wasting days by spending nights gambling and feeling both physically and mentaly ill the next day, what an absolute waste......

Well no more, in their memories I will waste no more time, effort and money lining the pockets of the thieving scoundrels who continue to profit from my losses, from today onwards I am the winner and will always win from this day on, no more relapses or "just one more go"., its all down to me now and my self preservation.

Hope to continue onwards and upwards.

Hope

Hi hope

Sorry to read about your recent family bereavements

Must be hard going for you at this time

Your post is very positive about not wasting any more money on gambling so one day at a time you can fight it saying NO everyday

Day 3 for you today well done

Keep strong and keep going

Take care Suzanne xx

Day 3 today and am feeling good and well.

Had another email telling me there was another 100 deposited in an on line account but I have deleted that email and told my husband to keep his phone safe away from me (which he has done already).

Even though it is only day 3 I feel stronger already and know I can only take one day at a time, but I am not dwelling now on the losses but on the future without gambling in it. Need to carry on resisting any urges and remember one bet always leads to another and another and another......

Wil keep posting and best wishes to all.

Hope

Day 4 and still no bets today. Independance day today and I am staying independant from gambling.

Its another hot day down here in Berkshire and plenty to do without thinking about on line slots and winning non existent money.

Today I am a winner because I havent gambled.

Have just read all of my diary again to remind me how I felt good and bad about this addicition. It makes me feel stronger and more determined to stop.

Hope everybody else ok?

Hope

Hope

Day 13 and still no bets,

the urges are getting less and less and I am getting more and more help from family friends and GA to recover from this awful addiction.

Today I am winning again because I have food in my cupboards, a clean and tidy house and money in my bank and purse. I have also had a good nights sleep because I have not sat in front of my pc all night gambling and I am no longer worrying about having to pay bills this month.

This feeling beats any euphoric feeling of a quick win to lose it all again.

Staying free from betting just for today.

Hope

Hope

A wonderful post,full of joy,why?

because for you,the right choice has been made,one day at a time life without the destruction that is gambling has improved

For that be proud

Keep making the right choice

Keep that hard earned where in belongs,don't gift it to addiction.

most of all enjoy it

Duncs stepping forward never back

Hi hope

You are doing so well 13 days and your last post has come through soo positive and strong

Yes it's a lovely feeling to wake up each morning knowing you have not bet the day before

Keep going and keep strong

Suzanne xx

Day 15 today, cant believe how tough the last few weeks have been financially but how exhilarating it is not to be worrying about gambling as well.

I am continuing to work so hard towards my recovery with the help of this site and GA and I am starting to realise that recovery does take a lot of hard work and effort and cannot be achieved overnight. I feel a degree of arrogance within myself that just by admitting I am a CG, writing on this forum and attending a few GA meetings I will ultimately be cured, how very wrong I am. My recovery is achieveable with commitment by myself and the right support.

However, I am in a good and happy place at the moment and am so glad I chose to quit gambling for good.

Hope every body else is still positive and thank you to Suzanne x and Duncs x (a true gentleman and inspiration to us all) for posting on my diary. Keeping safe today as always. JFT

Hope

Day 16 today and had a really good day, spent time with family last night and realised how many precious moments I have lost with my family through gambling.

Reading a lot about this addiction at the moment and its awful consequences but happy I am staying on the straight and narrow and will not be distracted to go anywhere else.

Didnt realise now it is over 2 weeks since my last gamble but as always now staying on my guard, if I do gamble it will be self destruct time.

Best wishes to all today.

Hope

Hi hope

Very well done on day16!

You have won again today because you did not play

Stay positive and strong one day at a time

Suzanne x

Just a quick post to say just landed in day 18 and still not gambled. Resolve seems so much stronger now, Finances are very tight but manageable but no urge at all, maybe I am too preoccuoied with trying to abstain and recover to even think about attempting to gamble but all safeguards are in place so I cant anyway.

Have enjoyed the beautiful day today, now going to sleep hopefully (not sure I will because of the heat) and heres to another day with all finances and peace of mind still intact.

Hope everybody staying on your guard.

Hope