And so the self loathing begins.....

No tears allowed!

Time to start looking after yourself and figuring everything out. Recovery is possible - do it for yourself as the rest will follow. The light will shine around you, just firstly let it in ☺

Remember that you're worth all good things in life and you have a choice of making them happen.
Nice & steady, keep moving on as you're doing now - it will get better!

Time to claim your life back, - go for it brave heart ☺

Sometimes tears are needed. I think gambling helps us hide from feelings...stops us feeling, caring...so maybe tears show that you are beginning to get in touch with yourself.

SC - 3 days - Congratulations 🙂

Hi, SC (would agree with earlier comment about getting a more positive user name, I feel like I'm insulting you),

re DIY. Addiction will tell you that you can sort yourself out and that's what you want to hear. But the thought processes of an addicted mind get damaged by the addiction. (Otherwise, for example, you would know when to stop, there'd be no chasing, no problem resisting the idea of betting). So relying on your addicted mind to sort out your addicted mind...it's not a recipe for success. You need other people, the right people.

Better to get outside your comfort zone via counselling or GA. You wouldn't be telling them anything that they hadn't heard before.

Wish you well.

CW

Keep going I'm also on the long road to recovery. Every day is massive accomplishment. My life before revolved around trying to win back losses and then having to hide it all from everyone. I'm only a few weeks in but am enjoying the peace of mind that being gamble free is now allowing me.

​

So humbled by all the posts of support, thank you.

Dear Diary,

No Gambling today and thankfully no urges either but I'm no fool, I know the urges will come and come soon, I'm hopeful I'm ready & strong enough to remember the misery & despair I'm guaranteed to feel if I fail.....failure is NOT an option!

Question...why though am I thinking about 'gambling' constantly? Like almost every minute of everyday, I don't have any urges & right now I absolutely have no desire for it at all so why is it that it's consuming my thoughts? Or is this just me doing what I do...over thinking everything, that's another thing I NEED to stop.

Checking in Day 3 🙂

We CAN and we WILL

M x

Hi SC, good question, re: thinking about gambling constantly! It WILL subside, as your brain thinks of other (better) things to do! It will take a good couple of weeks, but slowly you'll open your eyes to life outside gambling, which is far, FAR more interesting actually. Keep strong, and you'll see, and after 2 weeks, you'll be amazed at how you little you'll think of the parasitic, grasping, leeching computer programs that have posionously consumed you. Mentally, chuck 'em into a big firey pit. You are on your way, SC. Day by way, on your way. (Blimey, I'm a poet and don't I know it! 🙂 )

You make me laugh Mixer lol....and I don't laugh much these days.

M x

WCAWW

The thing is, as we stay at our non-gambling destination that we're at, we can laugh SC 🙂 Let's enjoy this. We truly can! Who says we have to be miserable. We're choosing life! P.S. It's 23:42 by my clock. In 18 minutes, you'll be on Day 4. That is fantastic!!!!

Hi SC

You say you've self excluded. Have you also installed blockers to every device you use to gamble? If you haven't got anyone to set passwords you can use a random combination of letters and numbers but don't write them down. Do this now while you're feeling strong so when the urges come you can't act on them. In the early days it's all about giving yourself enough space not to be able to act on impulse. You need some mechanical barriers. Hope, strength and willpower alone aren't always enough when addiction comes knocking.

Get enough space between you and the last bet and the thoughts will die down. At the moment your brain is missing its fix of feel good chemicals but once you've achieved a little distance the fog will start to clear.

Hi SC, take a read of my diary. Our situation is very much the same and those online slots have taken so much from me, not just money. I now have K9 block in place to which I don't know the password. I was so thankful for it over the last 2 days, as I have had very strong urges after having 2 very bad days at work. I am a binge gambler and was at the point of binge. Knowing the block was in place , made my gambling thought pattern shorter. We can and we Will as calm feels nice doesn't it !

Hi Katie ...you are so right....I've had a read and it was like reading my own fears & feelings....

Can we get through this? Yes we CAN....I hate myself right now but I'm also feeling strong...strong against those stupid little cartoons that destroy lives every single day, and that is a good thing, I've been kidding myself for years that I enjoy the 'game' but how can I enjoy something that is leading me down a path of despair & self destruction....no....no more....my anger will keep me strong.....for now....for today....and that's what matters....tomorrow never comes....I have to remember that more than anything.....one day...not to gamble for one day is easy.....so this is how I'm coping...baby steps.

M x

We CAN and we WILL

Hi Sillycow, there is strength in numbers. On the recovery diaries page there is a thread called we can and we will. Come and join it as we jointly post daily to the thread x

Katiecoo ..thank you, I've been posting there since it started 🙂

M x

We CAN and We WILL

Great stuff SC and Katie... Doing so well ladies. WCAWWAA! (And ARE!)

Hmmm, does our new extended acronym read like a baby crying...!