Angel From Montgomery

Just getting home from work and looking forward to a few days off now. Have lots of appointments tomorrow and off to the lake with friends and family on Saturday. Will probably do some fishing on Sunday. So, lots planned. The weather is gorgeous and I hope it stays that way for the weekend. Sunshine, blue skies, gentle breezes, trees are in full bloom and the greeness of everything is stunning! No urges at all so that helps. Next goal is right around the corner. I am feeling cautiously optimistic. -joanxxxxx

Joan.

Sounds like a weekend to enjoy my dear friend. Nothing to disrupt the joys life brings through the destruction that is having a punt.

Targets being reached and new ones being set, Joan your effort is there for all to see, equally the rewards it brings.

The number of days we abstain is irrelevant its were today takes us. For you I feel its that middle lane, were you find harmony.

Abstain and maintain.

A big well done from me, enjoy the fishing.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Thanks Duncs!

So right after I wrote that post last night I sat in front of the tv and immediately started runinating about gambling and how I could really use to have "somthing to do" to keep my mind off of "my troubles". So, today, I thought I would take a few minutes to reflect on what "my troubles" means.. Is it as easy as boredom? Sometimes I suppose it is just boredom. I have to go for tests today, and one of them is pretty invasive at least for me anyway. So, trouble might mean having to do something that I don't want to do. Some might say tough sh it. We are grown we all have to do things we do not want to do. I get that. But, FEAR is FEAR and when I am affraid my thoughts can get overwhelming and before long I get irrational and just want to get free of it. So, I need to think about what I can do when I am feeling really affraid. I don't like being examined or touched by strangers. Even nice little female doctors bug me. It's not thier fault it is my sh it. As I get older the examinations become more frequent and I must say that I am doing much better with this then I had in the past. So, my best guess as to what was up my wahzoo last night was fear about medical examinations today. So, how do I feel in this moment? I feel sooo relieved that I did not succumb to gambling urges. I would have felt 10 times worse right now! P and I will go out for a nice dinner after appointments and I am looking forward to that. Once I get to the clinic I know I will be fine. I will put my game face on and push through like I always do. So, anticipation of having to do something that causes me anxiety is a trigger. Today, I have shown myself that I can push through these kinds of things. It's ok to be affraid. It's ok to admit to being affraid. It's not ok to go crazy about it. I can push thru fear without needing to gamble about it. Lesson learned at least for today. I did not gamble last night and I have no intention of gambling today. Why the hell would I? Things look so much different in the daylight. I'm rambling now. lol. Have a great weekend everybody! -joanxxxxx

Hey Joan,

Have a great weekend, hope you and P catch some fish, will share fish stories.

Chicagoguy

Health stuff is a real pain in the a**e, I do understand and I always go on my own to appointments and don't tell anyone as can't cope with polite conversation if anyone comes with me as just want to get it over with and out of there.

Anyhow hope you enjoyed your meal, I had lunch with a friend today as well, all good stuff and both you and me managing to kick the devil into touch too. Bought a big metal wind thingy for the veg patch today to keep the birds off them instead of wasting money, so if you see some strange lights in the sky it is the sun reflecting off it.

Have a brill weekend.

xxx

Thanks Chicago - in between chores we will definitely be getting some fishing done. Taking the little girls fishing today so, not much fishing getting done there but, lots of smiles I'm sure. Thanks Rainbows, after appointments went to Hampton beach, Salisbury beach, and Plumb Island... Wish I had known about the metal thingy because I would have known to look for it. Instead, it was nothing but, the usual crashing waves, endless sky, and sunlight sparkling on the water blah blah blah.. lol!! Absolutely gorgeous!! I was blown away...

Anyway, diary P and I had a great day yesterday. It was a huge accomplishment for us. Post appointments a pocket full of money we would have normally gone straight to the casino. Instead we spent the entire day standing in front of the ocean. I thought about my niece who would lay in the sand uninhibited without a blanket in her little sun dress flapping her arms and legs in complete abandon shouting "auntie joan, look I am making sand angels!" so, I did manage to lay my tired bones down uninhibited in the sand without a blanket but, decided I would have to work my way up to the sand angels..lol. Someday... By not succumbing to gambling urges we have plenty of cash to buy everything we need for the picnic today with plenty left over. It's not just the money. It's the clean feeling. The fresh feeling. No guilt. No shame. No anger at myself for letting my family and myself down. I did deserve a treat after going to appointments and enduring the probing of very gentle well meaning female medical personel and that treat was the ocean and as beatiful and filling as it was on my own it was made that much more by having P by my side to witness as well. With her there one could say my cup ran over. All and all a perfect day. With gambling out of my life I have rediscovered abundance!! So, will be off to the park soon but, wanted to stop in. I'm about a week away from my next goal of 10 weeks and 5 paydays. I got past a huge hurdle Thursday night and yesterday. I'm stoked!! Will I gamble today. Absolutely not. Why would I choose scarcity over abundance? Have a great weekend everybody! -joanxxxxx

Joan.

Stand up and take a bow!!!!!!

You my friend secured the thing we all chased every time we went at it, every gamble, every futile attempt stifled by our inability to stop.

Well Joan you made a choice.

And the rewards bigger than any cash jackpot.

Me i am stoked too!!!

I doff my cap to you.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Yo,

Thank you and a big fat non cow girl hug right back at ya !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shiny xxxxxxxx

Feeling pretty good today. I am a litte tired from all of the gallivanting we did over the last coupla days but, I am happy. I was able to give P a few extra dollars to go shopping and she was as happy as a clam! That made my day. I am beginning to remember the value of money again. What it can and cannot buy. My self worth has nothing to do with what I do for a living or how much money I make. It has to do with who I am and who and what I spend my time on. I cannot believe how much time I used to fritter away mindlessly in front of a slot machine. And, for no gain. None whatsoever!! w*f??? Oh well, by my choosing I am going to sit mindlessly in front of the tv for awhile as I have finished all of my chores for the day. I feel full, accomplished, and happy. Hope everyone out there is doing well and if you are not just know that everyone of us has been or is at where you are right now. We are all here for the same reason. To abstain from gambling. I have found that it can be done. By the grace of my higher power-- One day at a time. -joanxxxxx

hey Joan,

Glad to see your doing good. Enjoy your week, and stay strong, hope the fish are biting your way.

Chicagoguy

Thanks Chicago!!

64 days. The longest I/we have ever gone without gambling. Sitting down for some supper and then a little tv. Work today went well and will be working for the next 3 so will remain busy which is good. That's it for me. -joanxxxxxx

Hiya Judy

64 days is brilliant it might not be as much as others but I know how hard u av worked for that and crossed many tough times in those days , applying that one day at a time is the golden rule so I couldn't be happier and prouder of u

Onwards and upwards and thank u for ur continued support

Castle2

Thanks Castle!

Long day. Pajamas on. Supper and then back to bed. Tomorrow is another 6.5 hour class and then the long weekend. I'm looking forward to that. Getting an urge here and there. The old I deserve a break so why not bankrupt myself. lol. Soo idiotic and yet I actually entertain the thought for a few minutes. I have no intention of acting on it -- it just pi ss es me off that after all that I have been through I can still go there. What the fffffffffff is it going to take??!! I liked the word Blondie used in her post today. Eradicate. I too wish to kill the thing that creeps into my brain when I am stuck in traffic or lolling in front of the tv. I'm working on it... And, yes I am rambling BUT, I am NOT gambling... That's it for me today. -joanxxxxx

Good Evening,

Did I read that this is your longest ever period without gambling? You should be immensely proud of yourself a huge huge effort. Perseverance, determination, a will to succeed all shine through in abundance and I couldn't be more pleased you are getting that formula just about spot on right now!

I have been looking for a pick me up lately and tonight I have found more than one from reading the diaries of my friends.

Flagg x

Yo,

Soooo glad I made you laugh yesterday .

To be honest do not think we can ever eradicate the urge to gamble , but having been in recovery for 5 years the frequency and intensity subside .

Sadly for me my down fall was the belief I could after that break gamble responsibly , once an addict always an addict :- (

Enough bout me lol .

Hope you've had a good day , and wish you a pleasant evening .

Hugs

Shiny xxxx