Angel From Montgomery

Joan.

You fed your addiction with your hard earnt dollars and for a time it ruled your life, for me the one thing it did not bankrupt is your wonderful soul.

For that you got to carry ed's to boot.

Tonight i raise my cup o Joe to you.

Why because you are worth it.

Recovery gifts, and today you gifted me.

Thankyou.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Thanks everybody!! How awesome to come home from a long day log onto my diary and see all those lovely posts! It made my day :)!!!!!

So, got thru the last few hours of teaching and am soo glad to be home. Off for a long weekend. It is supposed to rain most of the time but, I don't mind. It will be nice to be able to spend some down time at home and hopefully get on the diaries to do some much needed reading and posting. I have said this before and will say it again this forum is my lifeline. Have been and continue to be inspired by all those fighting the good fight. Sipping a cup of hot joe and smiling as I write because I am calm tonight. No urges to report but, am always on my guard. Looking around the house here lately, I can see the signs of neglect and wonder what the hell I was thinking. We are slllllowwwly digging out but, I am confident that if we keep this up we will be completely out of debt in a couple of years. P is away tonight but should be home by tomorrow afternoon. We are planning a bbq for Memorial Day. A juicy steak and home made potato salad! Yeeeeehah!!! -joanxxxxx

Hey Joan,

Keep digging out and building those trenchs to protect you, your longest period ever eh... How amazing is that... and guess what.??

You did that... You the person who was broken by gambling are re-building every day..... I would say thats something to be extremly proud of.

Enjoy your long weekend, the steak sounds awesome....

Take care

Blondie xxx

How did you know I have a packet of water bombs in the toy cupboard, water pistols in the shed as well, great fun in the sunshine when we are in the river and surely we can devise a catapault ready for next years regatta.

Nasty wet and cold here again, no surprise really but do miss the sun as cheers me up no end.

Seem to be getting my head in a better space these days and sounds like you are too but still fighting the dreaded at times, strange some on here never get any urges at all.

Def a ballon theme here, you in your hot air version, my ballon water bombs, my weight ballooning out of control etc etc.

Peeping out from under my warm quilt to wave.

xxx

Thanks Blondie and Rainbows!

Today is 10 weeks and 5 paydays no gambling. I am very proud of this accomplishment because my life with gambling in it was becoming unmanageable. I am taking my life back and that makes me happy. Addiction is a strange beast. It comes in all shapes. I am beginning to believe that it can find it's way into just about anything that a person can do or think. Anything that we let take over the soul could probably fit into the category of an addiction. What is your drug dujour? In addiction, I have learned that an addict will defend thier behavior at all costs. Addiction is blinding. It's Cunning and baffling.... Regardless, a life without addiction is a better life. I will no longer allow my addiction to hold my soul hostage. My brother paid the ultimate price for his addiction. He fed it until he died alone lying half naked on the floor in a cold dark apartment. I will carry that image along with the one of his innocent freckled face with me for the rest of my life. Oh well, I have a day in front of me and I plan on living in it in recovery. Recovery for me, I have learned is more than just getting thru the days. But, getting thru the day some days is a huge accomplishment. Life is strange but, it is wonderful too. Next goal is 12 weeks and 6 paydays! Bring it on! One day at a time of course. -joanxxxx

Hey Joan,

Thanks for your kind words and support, I really appreciate it. Much congrats on all your hard work and your 10 weeks of abstinence. Have a great weekend!

Chicagoguy

Thanks Chicago!

Hi Joan,

Day 71

I had a pretty good day yesterday visiting with friends and of course the two little ones. Off of work today and tomorrow. The urges to gamble are coming less and less now on the weekends which I am thinking is a good sign. I have some things to get done before P and mom come home from thier shopping spree so I best get to it. That's me gamble free for now at least. -joanxxxxx

Joan

a huge well done for passing that latest goal, the stick that used to beat you is now in your hands.

A weapon that will serve you well as i believe you have the learnings of how to harness the power of your gambling addiction.

You are enjoying recovery and rightly so, i truly believe you reap what you sow.

Life through your making for you and P will be full of beautiful blossoms.

Why

because one day at a time

stick in hand.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hiya Joan, the more you learn about addiction and ourselves the more fight we have against it - 10 weeks is awesome and its great reading when someone is conquering this addiction and enjoy the new found gamble free life. Keep it up and have a lovely sunny!?!?! bank holiday monday.

Thanks Duncs and David. I appreciate the support! xxx

I am struggling with some agitation today. It was with me last night as well. Some urges to gamble but, did not act on them and have no intention of acting on them today. I did some relaxation exercises which seemed to help. If anyone is interested there are some very simple breathing meditations available on line for free. I have the day off today. It is brisk but the sun is shining and the sky is a perfect blue. Will probably spend the day in the yard. Trying not to worry. Trying to stay in the present. Will just breathe and see where that takes me. I also have a brand new set of water color pens and and some cool coloring books.... Have a great day everybody. -joanxxxxx

Hey Joan,

Enjoy your day off, and much congrats to your 10 weeks gamble free! Just relax and be proud of yourself, you deserve it. Thanks for all your support.

Chicagoguy

Hi Joan

I used to go to a yoga class which was all about breathing ( cant remember the fancy name) but it has got me through many a dodgy situation, particularly MRI body scans as I get bad claustrophobia. Just shut my eyes and start my breathing, don't think it is new agey as it is an ancient craft and works for me.

Don't know if you have seen the doodle pictures over there. I have some great big ones that my grandchildren can colour in with me, great fun.

Also getting the odd demon as very worried about close family member but have been reading lots to zone out and has worked so far although exhaustion from work might have helped as well.

Hope life continues to get better each day for you and P.

xxx

Hi Joan,

Thanks for your supportive post.

I am getting better again, and your post was a big big part of that.

I hope you enjoyed your colouring! and banished those irritating thoughts that were hanging around your head.

Keep strong Cowgirl!!! Yeeeeeeeeeee-haaaaa!

Ade xxx

Hey Rainbows and Ade!!

Hi Me:

Not much to report. Work work and more work. Translation: money money money!! Yup, the idiots and all in between but, I am working on not letting other people's bad attitudes or poor work ethics bug me. Am I perfect at it? Uh nope. Just, no need to go into a diatribe about it. I/we are rounding the corner of our 11th week of complete abstinence and it feels great. I have all kinds of urges just about the same time every night before the weekend starts. Like clock work and that is when the casino's send me all kinds of incentives over my iphone. With one button I am able to erase them and the urges. f u ck gambling and all of the misery that comes with it. Sending good vibrations everybody! Have a great weekend without gambling. We cannot win because we cannot stop. With the money saved I can go to a spa instead. Imagine that. Spending money and feeling good afterwards.. huh what a concept! lol -joanxxxxx

Hi Joan

Thanks for popping in and glad you are still writing and getting support ...dont ever worry about anything you say I wont get offended . : )

Like you I also read stuff on here that triggers me off and I guess somedays I my heckles are up as I am pretty much a lone voice on here from the f and f side whereas all you folks are on the same side.

One thing I didnt expect was the kickback of rage I felt with folks getting better on here...I knew that delayed thing happened from my time in Al anon but I thought that only happened with couples ..I had no idea I would feel the same on an anonymus forum.!!!..and it came as a shock. People who I once saw as cyber friends were becoming the enemy and I could not get out of that mindset.

I didnt want to delete anything or edit as I would be right back in people pleasing again which is the main driver of codependancy. I guess in many ways we swap places ...one person gets well and another gets sicker,

I am still angry at myself for not self protecting and accepting the unacceptable but thats my problem which is now I am getting tougher and harder with people.

Anyway..rambling there but glad you are doing so well Joan and I really do mean that...in my heart I truly mean that for everyone on here but in my head I am blocked ..which is exactly the same as I was when I got on here and I cant forgive as my head won' t let me ..its still too painful.

If I forgive with my head and my heart I will be back to square one again and a sitting duck for this to happen again .

R and D xx