another marathon session

Not sure that I have the answers for you. I can only say, been there, done that with the marathon session. The not sleeping, the anxiety. No massive debt here either. Like you, someone always "Rescued me". All I can say, is don't let it "consume" you. There is way more to life than this. I have stopped now for 8 months and it is the best 8 months I have ever had. I don't miss the heartache of the marathon sessions. I have realized, I will never *win* I will stay until my last dollar is spent. The relief of having someone to not have to "rescue me" anymore is so much more fulfilling than gambling ever was. Take your life back everhopeful. You are so worth it.

there are no quick fixes.

i felt the same way...give me a list, plan of action..something to DO...i can do it...this is so...illusive...ultimately, i believe that we have to develop a better way of thinking and living...so i spend my time with people who are doing that as well...i listen to what has worked for others and it is working for me...one day at a time.

welcome to the forum 🙂

peg

xoxo

how are you doing everhopeful?

Im here again after many months of success!!!

WHY?????

Hi There

Maybe you should have looked in to this site more often.

I don't know. from my experience all I know is that I can't beat this on my own.

Therefore I go to G.A. every week and post on here.

Please read below

I'm posting this on as many diaries as I can because this is how I feel. I read this in one of my G.A. books.

"I can always take strength and comfort from knowing I belong to a worldwide fellowship. Thousands just like me are working together for the same purpose. None of us needs ever to be alone again, because each of us in our own way works for the good of others. We are bound together by a common problem that can be solved by love and understanding and mutual service.-

'Today I will remember - I have a world of friends.

God Bless

Charly

I decided to revive my diary....things have been traumatic for the last 3 years as my baby sister was diagnosed with terminal cancer and as a result that put the gambling thing on the back burner ...little did I know that it was simmering away and over the last few weeks including tonight...I have lost in excess of £8000 and as I only earn £1400 pcm you can see the short fall so what have I done???? I have accrued a huge overdraft from the bank and taken out a second personal loan....and my big question tonight is why??? I know what has sparked the latest wave...it is the lack of control while I watch my sister rot away....it is the sheer bereaved feelings I have been walking around with since sept 2008 when we were told the words secondaries and terminal and it is the craving for our family life back as we once knew it before cancer devastated our family.......but the reasons I gambled before all of the above...well now I dont know because my life was fantastic and uncomplicated then......I have to leave for work in just over an hour and I havent even been to bed....so to prevent any further mishaps tomorrow (today) I have self excluded from all sites. I have very little money remaining until I get paid again next week but that is good!!

I am going to shower so I can go to work.......sounds like a plan.............as always remaining Everhopeful xxxxx

So sorry to hear about your little sister. All i can say is you have to be strong for your family and spend as much time as you can with your sister and not gambling. I know it os hard to stop. But when she goes you wanna remember the good times you had with her not Gambling. No point chasing that money as it just makes you more in debt.

best wishes carl.

That was great advice u gave me Carl....my sister died on the 14th July aged 30.....and I havent gambled since Carl posted ...I had spent everyday of the last 3 years with her anyway...apart from going to work...but I got to be there truly the whole of me with out having any distrctions of gambling.....I miss her so much and where before I would have given anything for that big win now I would give anything to have one more conversation, one more cuddle, one more smile.....maybe this should be for another site....the point of me coming back on was to say life is absolutely too short to gamble it is just a pure waste of time and resources......what a shame it has taken the death of my baby sister to give me a wake up call.........as always remaining everhopeful xxxxxx

Hi Everhopeful

What a powerful read and a truley sad ending.

I really do feel for you,it sounds as though you were really close.

I think now Everhopeful you will do this for your sister and at least one everlasting battle will have a happy ending.

I wish you and your family all the best Jeff.

i too want to express my deep sorrow for your loss ..

do this for your sister, thats what she would want you to do..

i know what you are having to deal with because i've been in that situation myself but they never knew i was gambling ..

takecare and best wishes

So sorry to hear about you loss 🙁 I wish you well. And maybe as Jeff said now do this one thing that you so badly need to do. Warm thoughts to you. Blocked.

So, so sorry to hear of your loss - life really is too short to be wasting it throwing money away.

Now keep this good work that you have been doing for yourself and for your sister.

Live life to the full.

Getting there

Thank you to everyone who took the time to respond to my post last night...clearly I couldnt sleep which previously would have been the time I would have found a gambling site and lost everything I had.....but I have this new inner strength I never had before and no urge to gamble....which is wonderful...anyway today is a new day...the sun is shining and no heavy weight of a gambling disaster.....Good luck to each and every one of you and I hope u find your inner strength today too ..................

As always remaining Everhopeful xxxxx

Everhopeful,

Firstly so sorry for your loss and secondly thank-you for posting such a touching entry, which really slams home the point, what a wasteful addiction this is.

Stay strong for your sister and make her proud and live life to the full.

Smokey :o)