Here i am again.
After another big relapse, I am back again in dispair, struggling to know where to turn.
Im going to keep it short as iv been here so many times before.
I am 25 year old male, live and work in London with a relitivly well paid job. Gambling has always been a big problem for me, since i was 18 iv always been in the bookies, casinos and online. in recent years its been FOBTs. Today was a dark day, straight after payday and iv blown the lot in one 2 hour session. I came home absolutly broken.
Anyways this time has to be differnt. I have to stop, i have to seek help not just with my gambling, but with my finances and my mental health.
I will be checking in here daily with my thoughts and experiences.
Tomorrow marks the first day of the rest of my life.
All the best everyone.
Al
Hi A1
The fobts were my downfall also, very manipulating.
However, I have a new mantra now, it’s only entertainment, so from now on I am not going to buy that kind of entertainment any more. The money lost, you won’t get it back as you brought entertainment with it, just like going to the cinema and watching the entire film, we wouldn’t go to the reception desk at the end and ask for our money back.
Good luck, you can beat this!
Shaun
Hi Shaun,
A very good outlook which i will adopt - thank you.
Woke up this morning with a sort of hang over feeling. Lots to do today with blocks to put in place, and old blocks that were in place but I let slip.
Short but sweet today.
Today I will not gamble.
Al
Day two - Busy productive day at work today. Busiest weekend of the year for us this weekend so something to keep my mind busy. Not much else to say apart from iv put lots of blocks in place. spoken to my partner about how important it is that she is strict in maintaining those blocks (she knows everything).
Anywys day 3 tomrrow and thats nearly half a week.
ATB everyone.
Al
Good day today. Day three gamble free. slightly odd thing happened today which i was wondering peoples advice on. We sometimes do some jobs off site, quite often the boss would give me £20 and tell me to go into town to get coffee or lunch for the lads, now while i have all these blocks in place this just underminds them. I dont want to be in the sitatuon where i have cash walking past the bookies, but i cant come clean and tell my boss, has anyone had anything simular to this?
Best to everyone.
Al
Day 5. Very very busy weekend at work.
Still feeling like my head is all clouded and as i refered to earlier, kind of like a hangover feeling.
On my way towards a week GF.
Cheers
Al
Day 6 and 7.
All blocks are now firmly in place. I have also got back into running and have booked a spot in a local half marathon at the end of October.
Seems im here all by myself so will leave it there.
Today i will not gamble
Hi Al161
You are certainly not here by yourself we are all here to help and support each other. You've done ever so well getting that first week under your belt. Keep doing what you're doing, keep reading other people's diary's and keep updating yours. Good luck!
JW
Days 8,9,10,11,12 and 13!
Been a little while since iv been here. Still going strong but it has not been easy. went to watch Spurs v Liverpool (i support neither, but love live sport) and it really made me realise how much sports and gambling go hand in hand. The only thing my mates spoke about on the way to the match was what bets they had on ect ect.
Still going well but its a long road ahead.
All the best everyone.
Today I did not gamble.
Al
Hi 161, you’ve been here before like me we know the score and this really is my last time, I’m in for life, I’ve a lot more years on the clock than you and you have to take control now, time is precious and you don’t want to waste it, . You have done well, and with your determination and grit you will control your addiction. Stick with it mate. Guard Up, Rainman
Thanks for your worlds Rainman. Keep going and you will bask in the rewards.
Day 13 (got myself abit confused counting the days). Still going well. Everything seems raw still, the hung over groggy like feeling has gone but still feeling very raw.
Heres to tomorrow.
Al
Hey
Please dont feel like you're here talking to yourselfon here, trust me people are listening and can relate to what you are saying. We are in very similar places it seems... Both in our recovery and mental state. Someone said on here patience and time are the key healers in this process... Neither of which a gambler is keen to embrace.
My pitfalls are looking too far ahead or dwelling on the past. Great news you're back into getting fit and healthy. Apparently looking after yourself and learning to take care of yourself again are also key.
Are you attending any GA meetings?
Leave me a message anytime on my thread if you have anything at all you need to get off your chest... Anything that needs to be said that you feel would help you. I will read and acknowledge.
Like you I'm on my last chance with all this. Let's not blow it. I have a child and a wife at stake. Its mental to think that I staked them in the first place for half an hour's immersion.
Got myself into a downward spiral today. Sounds dumb but if I could just turn back time to a few weeks ago... But I can't. I want to be a better person and sounds like you do too... Let's just focus on what's in front of us and seize life day by day... Hour by hour if easier... We have the rest of our lives to enjoy and prosper from as now, finally we are trying to get ahead of this horrible addiction.
Keep up the fight mate.
Ps if you ever waver like me try reading some stories from the success stories section. This certainly works and gives me a lift when I need it most. It puts my recovery in perspective again and helps me to believe in it during times when I feel hopeless and lost.
SignalMan,
You are right, it would seem we are in simular places. I am not currently attending GA, do you?
Thats exactly how i am taking it, hour by hour.
Keep up the good work mate and we will get there. How many days gamble free are you?
Day 14 today. two weeks, where did that time go? Hard day today, been at home alone all day and i feel it doesnt really help me.
Going to keep it short.
Tomorrow I will not gamble.
Al
Day 15.
Well into this now, groggy type hangover feeling has gone. Blocks are all still firmly in place, my partner has control of my finaces and im starting to feel better. Iv come to accept that this is probably the rest of my life. Theres no way I can be trusted with money, not for now anyways i suppose.
Off on holiday in a couple of weeks so something to look forward to.
Has anyone got any experience in telling thier boss? In terms of needing time off for counselling apointments ect?
Best wishes,
Today I did not gamble.
Al
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
