Back after a rocky few months....

Something seemed odd about this post and so I looked at some of the multiple threads you've previously started.

It seems that you're still not taking this seriously nor being honest with yourself.

Previously it was a pound jar, or an app which showed how much money you saved. Posters tell you what great ideas these are. Ocassionally someone bothers to give some cold reality - that you're not being serious and not taking any concrete steps - and you of course ignore these posts.

Repeated self-reflections on what a great guy you are. I don't at all agree with beating yourself up, but if you have a partner or family and are wasting precious money away with a gambling addiction, then that doesn't sound like brilliant behaviour to me. Even if you've no one who depends on you're still not being a kind person.

You say you haven't gambled as much recently as in the past. Yet in your older posts you say that you don't really have a big problem like others on here. It sounds like you might not be being honest with yourself.

Recovery has to start with being honest with yourself.

Best wishes

Louis

That’s a fair comment. I deserved that.

I need to take responsibility for my own actions and make changes to how I approach things. You’re right, I have tried various methods. But I defy anyone who says that they cracked this addiction first time.

I guess I can only respond with my future actions which start today....

Thanks for your post, Cardhue

Morning and welcome back to the forum.

"Cracked the addiction first time" has many concepts. I came here 3 years ago and have never relapsed but does that mean i have cracked the addiction. Probably not fully. Like you i am one bet from disaster and throwing all monies into the FOBT.

Controlling and learning to live with the addiction is a good way of putting it. Louis is 100% right when honesty in yourself is the most important.

For you at present your opening post is raw and is beginning to ask those questions. However there is no quick fix and overcoming your addiction is something that you have to work at daily.

There are many options available such as counselling and GA to help you understand why.

Tomorrow is still a long way off. Today i wont gamble. Today you wont gamble.

Best wishes

Hi Dan, I can relate to your post as I struggle with stress and emotional issues. When you have a gambling issue/addiction and you go through what you have been through recently, it is very easy to turn to gambling as this has been our escape, sadly it only makes things worse as you and I have just found out. I wouldn't agree you aren't taking stopping seriously, I just prefer to believe that like with me, you can abstain for periods before cracking, this is quite normal with a gambling addict, nobody is perfect there are no reasonings behind why we do it otherwise we wouldn't do it. Emotional heartache are your triggers so try and speak to someone. Wishing you well, I am on day 2 today so am feeling your pain.

When faced with adversity and feeling let down, one might not know which way to turn. Gambling can sometimes be born out of feelings of desperation.

The good news is your back here with friends who can identify with your struggle. Your not the first person to cave in under the pressure and you won't be the last. In nautical jargon let's just say it's not your first trip.

Desperate Dan has left the building ~ Determined Dan now has centre stage. Wishing you well ...stephen

Thanks for your posts, Bal, Took a wrong turn and Stephen.

All I can do today is to simply not gamble. I’m working on what steps to take thereafter.

I’m still hurting from my losses over the last few months but not as much as I’m hurting about the emotional stress I’m suffering with my family and my nan especially.

It’s time to take it one day at a time. Looking at things positively, I still have money in my savings that I could use, so I did have a ‘stopping’ point.

Anyway, I need to walk the walk.

I’ll log back into here in a few days once I’ve gathered my thoughts together and have racked up a few days under my belt.

So tonight I gambled again.

I’ve had a really busy few days and I’ve not had the chance to sit down and think about what blocks to put in place to stop this from happening again.

Tonight I wasn’t thinking. My head was racing at a million miles per hour and I just went with it.

Fortunately (if you can call it that) I don’t seem to gamble until every last penny has gone. That’s probably one of the reasons why I’ve not been able to quit in the past. I’ve not hit that ‘rock bottom’ that people talk about.

But I will do if I carry on. The only difference being, mine will be a slow and prolonged route to financial disaster rather than a quick one.

Tomorrow I shall see my girlfriend and do something that I should have done last year....tell her everything. Thankfully, both she or my family haven’t suffered or gone without in the process. That’s the only thing I’m thankful for. It’s just me that has suffered the demons inside.

But I need her help. I’ve realised that. She needs to look after my money and to check my bank statements. With her on my case, I’d find it very hard to gamble.

I’ve come to realise that, for a start, I need somebody to constantly question me about my gambling. Somebody has to know about it. It’ll give me something to work towards.

My only aim tonight is to make it through the night and sleep.

Tomorrow is a new challenge. As is each day.

I deserve everything I get from the wonderful people on here who I’ve let down or seemed to ignore.

Perhaps I don’t deserve to be taken seriously yet. I wouldn’t blame you.

But I know I have to do things differently now. It’s time to notch it up another level.

I’m absolutely terrified as I’ve always been seen as a rock to my loved ones. But no man is an island. I need help from those loved ones.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

Dan

My two objectives for today:-

1) To not gamble

2) Tell my girlfriend about my gambling

If I do those things, I can at least say I’ve had a successful day rather than a bad one.

Dan

Well Dan, I will say one thing - you never give up and you never lose hope. I do admire your "never say die" attitude and I believe your heart is in the right place.

I sincerely wish that you can beat this addiction, which has caused you so much strife, and find what you are looking for.

Nothing else I can say because it's all been said before. Anyway, with my track record i'm not in a position to preach to others....stephen

Great to hear you're going to tell. That IS a proper positive step. Rooting for you. Let us know how it goes

Louis