Back to square 1

Day 11.

This week has turned into a sh*tty week. My little cat winky got run over Wednesday I am devastated. I didn't think I would feel like this but a part of our family have gone and the house has been strangely quiet. No winky plonking himself on my head to have a sleep. My other cats are mourning him as well. Not sure if this week can get any crapper but I'm glad it's neatly over.

No gambling,not been thinking about it.

Onwards and upwards surely next week?

Take care all

Nic

Sorry to hear about your cat. you must be gutted.

Ive added your name to the list and its great to have you part of the thread i hope the extra focus and check ins will help you along the way.

Get this week over and im sure things will look better next week.

Take Care.

Mornin Nic

I understand how ur feeling with ur cat they are part of the family I lost 3 due to accidents and it was heartbreaking each time , the pain will ease and there will just be nice memories left

Taking another challenge on with the smoking and not gambling and with what's just happened no wonder ur stressed and arguing , smoking and gambling are easy ways to release it but ur doin well and not giving in , try not to put urself under too much pressure its hard enough what u r trying to achieve

Keep focussing on what's important to u esp ur son who gives u that motivation , arguing is all part of life and will happen they say its healthy so I'm sure it will get better on that front

Take care

Castle2

Hi Nicki,

Just popping in 2 say I am thinking of u!

Sending u a hug 🙂

Stay strong xx

Hiya Nicki. Hope all is well and you've been enjoying the lovely weather. Looks a bit duller today anyway take care and hope your having a nice weekend.

Thanks Charlotte and dave

Well I slipped last week on Thursday, felt so ashamed that I haven't been able to come back on. How many times can I truly slip before it just becomes a joke and I don't think people will ever believe that I can do this. I have broke all trust with my partner and our relationship has gone from bad to worse. Think it might be the end of us. There is only so many times you can break someone's trust before they stop believing in you. Today is a very bad day and I can't seem to get my head together. Everything is crumbling and I only can stop it but I don't know how.

Day 5

Hey Nicki,

Please don't beat yourself up for your slip or relationship with your partner. I'm sure you can do it, take a step back, deep breath, put your thoughts together and just make that right decition to stay clean...

Stay on this site and keep posting, huge support here and we all understand. Everything will fall back into places, just give it some time.

Maybe some counselling would help you? Contact Gamcare and i'm sure you will get some choices how to go round your worries at the minute.

This habbit is horibal, it's always round the corner and waiting for our weak moments. You can do it, you know and i know.

Just day at a time...take care and stay strong

Sandra x

Hi Sandra,

Thanks for the post. Trying to take deep breaths but my partner resents me so much and is having a go about everything its hard to keep my head together.

Im awaiting my assessment from the counselling people. Its a long wait but hopefully be worth it.

Don't think it helps that money is so tight and I have just finished uni so no job at the moment. which means there is something else im resented for. Im trying my hardest to get a job but not easy at the moment. Sorry rant over, feel so alone at the moment. The only thing that is keeping me together is my little boy, sounds awful. but there are day where I feel if it wasn't for him life just wouldn't be worth it.

Hi Nicki. Your doing the right thing straight back here and back on the wagoon. Unfortunately this is hard. And your partner is gonna moan but give him time and things will get better the only thing you can do for him, your boy and yourself is keep trying sooner or later it will happen for you. That lightbulb moment where it just clicks and you'll never go back to gambling because you'll realise that anything you think you get from it is not worth all the pain that it causes you and your family. Just keep posting stick close to the site especially for the next few days. Also try and think why you went and gambled and take that and learn from it and make sure that you add another barrier towards making the same mistake. Your strong and you can do this just take it a day at a time. We are all here for you and willing you to succeed.

Day 6

Need to keep writing and stay on track with not gambling. I haven't had any feelings towards wanting to gamble over the last 6 days, but I have been thinking why have a messed up so badly after the last year. I have broken all trust with my partner last night we argued and argued and it just feels like now the trust has gone it will never come back. I deserve to be treated the way I'm being treated but it isn't helping towards me getting myself back together. So today my new motto is suck it up take everything that is thrown at me and start understanding why it is happening.

Next Tuesday is my assessment for my counselling session looking forward o it, it's been a long wait.

Applied for another two jobs yesterday, fingers crossed they will be getting in touch with me shortly.

Have a happy gamble free day.

Nicki

Hey Nicki,

Thanks for your post. You keep putting down everything you feel, it definitely takes load off. You doing well, stay strong and have some patience, it plays big part in gambling people life.

The trust will come back, you have to prove your partner you are honestly ready to make the change and stay on the right track.

Good luck with counselling as well as getting that phone call for job interview:)

Day at a time

you will get there

Sandra x

Thanks Sandra!

Day 7

Job interview today, feeling nervous but really hope I get it. It will take so much pressure off the other half in regards to money.

Had a nice night with the other half last night, it felt like it was getting back to normal. I know it will take a long time to get the trust back but last night was the first night I didn't feel hatred towards me.

Kids have broken up now so spending a lot of time with the little one need to think of cheap and cheerful things to do. I am looking forward to spending this time with him :).

Anyway take care all

Nicki

Morning Nicki

Lots of positives in that last post and lets hope a turning corner today with the job interview lets hope its great news , family life seems to be getting better as well and I hope that gives u a boost of confidence for today

Counseling is another positive it helped me enormously doesn't work for everyone but what u put in is what u get out so go with an open mind and get everything out , I hope it helps

Castle2

Thanks castle.

Day 8

Well job intervee went fine but they told me I was to over qualified! So need to fill in another application form for a different post this weekend. Grrrr. Oh well keep on plodding and filling I will get there eventually.

Holidays have officially begun with my little boy naggin on a daily basis 'what we doing today'. I wish I had the money to do things but I don't and park will just have to he enough over the next week. Fingers crossed the weather stays nice.

Still packed up on the cigarettes 3 weeks today. Must admit its been tough and I have nearly broke a few times but remained strong. Feeling better for it.

Not really had any thoughts that I want to gamble. Just continually trying to assess the reasons behind it. Any way another day done plodding along nicely,

Have a great day all.

Nicki x

Hey Nicki,

Lovely to hear you keep striding forward. Have the best time with your little one, most important thing is to be together, no matter where or what you do.

Well done for giving up smoking, you made the right choice.

All the best

Day at a time

Sandra x