Hey guys
I have been a compulsive gambler for around 6 years now. It all started when I started renting my first home with my boyfriend (now husband.) I was also pregnant with my oldest child. I stumbled upon a casino site and stupidly seen it as a way to make quick cash for furniture.etc. I won big for a while but I'm sure you know the routine...what I won was never enough and the curse of the reverse withdrawal got me. That red and black wheel hypnotized me and I promised myself to stop but I always came back for more. This was done in secret of course, while my bf was at work. While he was making us money...I was losing it 🙁 I hated myself but I just couldn't stop. I thought I would make us rich one day but of course that never happens with gambling.
The truth came out one day after I had no money for bills and had maxed out my overdraft. He was angry, sad but he bailed me out and got a loan for us to stay afloat. I swore I'd stop and I did for a while. I don't know when I started back up again, but I did. I discovered poker and learnt that I was quite good at it. When I DID lose at poker however, it sent me in a tail spin and I would go back to roulette.
I was better at hiding things this time, I made sure to delete any casino software and I ensured no bank statements came to the house. I've been gambling on and off, since then...a few months at a time and I'm suffering depression/anxiety for it. I hate the person I become when I gamble and I can't spend my whole life doing this. I have two beautiful children and I need to change, it's horrible being two different people. I confessed to my husband again recently, he doesn't quite know the extent of our debt but he knows I've got a big problem.
My last bet was on 2nd december 2014...8 days 'clean' (online casino around 2 months longer than that.) I hardly think of gambling anymore but it always seems to be lurking.
My aim now is to NEVER gamble again, I know that I can't play poker ever again because it leads to roulette.
I have a 2.5K overdraft to clear
7K credit card
1.5K store cards
and a 3K loan.
Yikes! I'm also behind on the water and council tax but I plan to clear these immediately after Christmas.
Thanks for reading x
Welcome to recovery...Great work on your 8 days 🙂
I don't think us compulsive gamblers are ever truly free, we just get strong enough to deal with the urges. Do it for him, do it for your children but most importantly do it for you...You are worth it - ODAAT
Thank you for the support! No gambling urges today, been spending time with the family.
9 days and counting..
Hello,
Welcome to the forum, I won't call you by your username as I don't think its genuinely true. Plenty of people who are on here have a gambling addiction while holding down good jobs, it is what the addiction does that makes us make bad decisions.
Well done on getting those first few days out of the way. I know it can be difficult to take stock of your debts, and put plans in place to clear them and get back in the black. For me personally I started with the most expensive debts, and then on to the smaller ones that could be paid off more easily. The sense of achievement when I'd paid off and closed a credit card was quite a good feeling. I'm sure I don't need to tell you that the key to clearing those is staying away from gambling and making the right decisions for your finances too.
As for what you mention about poker, I have a similar relationship with sports betting, and if I could just keep it to small and manageable sports bets then everything would be fine. But it never stays with just sports bets, as I always end up hitting the video poker machines, whether I win or lose with the bets. Those machines, whether I get a big win or I lose, the net situation will always be a loss. Depression and anxiety about the debts is natural, but the further you get from gambling, the better that will become. It might also be worth speaking to someone from Gamcare to see if they could offer any guidance or referrals for you.
All the best
Ryan
Thank you for the support and advice Ryan!
I'm definitely working on clearing my debts, it's a big goal for me and I would be so better each month because of it.
It's pretty much impossible for me to gamble at the moment,even if I wanted to. I have self excluded from all my favorite websites and my husband is watching me like a hawk (which I understand). I guess if I wanted to that much I would find a way but I'm not going to do that
EX-Stupid girl 😉
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