AAAHHH!!! I really need to stop this addiction. Being playing again as so stressed out at work and it is comforting and all those other things .... Seems to be that unless I wipe out all my savings I don't stop.
Day 1 and I will not gamble today
Hi there again B , just seen youve done a whoopsie ? So how are you , feeling a bit cra.ppy I'd imagine ? You really need to put some big barriers in place you know , something that's gonna give you a bit of space between thinking about the gamble and doing it , is there no way you can limit your access to quick cash or put some good blocks on your weapon of choice ? . You can do this you know , you just really have to want to though ! Always here for a chat if you need one . Take care for now . Alan
Well it is offical. I am a total disaster. Went on a winning streak and won back all the money I had lost. Did I stop then. No, of course not. I kept going ... then started to lose ... the chased the loss, then lost more. Getting to the end point, have now lost all my savings plus more and have had to take an emergency loan to cover this. When will I ever learn .... what a waste of money. Stupid stupid woman. I disgust myself. I really do.
Ok , So what's done's done ! So what's the plan to stop it happening again ?
Hi Bluebella, i have just read all your diary... I have only just joined this site and have a gambling problem, i am a hard working 50 year old with two children and two lovely grandchildren.. but just cant stop playing roulette ! i have lost lots £££ that i do not have, and since xmas have took two credit cards out to feed my gambling habit, i last gambled yesterday am expecting 700 that i cashed in yesterday in my bank today, but that will not even half cover what i lost yesterday.. im in a really bad place, so when i read your post of this morning i can really relate to how you are feeling, i had promised my partner that i had stopped he is going to be so cross and dissapointed if i ever get round to telling him...
The plan is to come on here everyday and post an update on not gambling and to speak to my counsellor on Monday about what has been going on. Utter madness. All of it.
Day 1 and I have not gambled
Great start , have you thought about blocking software or is that something you have already ? I think the secret is not to beat yourself up too much , you'll stop when your ready to stop and only you can decide when that's going to be !
Thank you Alan. I never stop until it has all gone, and gone it is. Feel beyond stupid and angry to be in this position again. So so destructive.
Day 2 and I have not gambled.
Hi again and thanks for popping over to my diary , like I said don't be too harsh on yourself it's really not going to do you any good to dwell on what's happened but in my humble opinion you def need a plan to beat this cycle that your in . It's two thing's really , the first being those blocks I keep mentioning , I don't know what you have in place tio stop you gambling ? I'm assuming it's all on line so you really need to install blocking software at the very least , I believe there's one that people on here favour called k9 and it's free to install , obviously there are others and gamcare would advise you on that , the other thing is all about you I'm afraid and just how much you really want to stop this self destuctive path that your on ? , willpower is really the key to all this , as you can put as many blocks in place as you want but it can all be got round if it's you that still want's to gamble ?.
The trouble is that it isn't really about the money anymore for us Compulsive gamblers , just the rush or the buzz and what if any that we do win is just more ammunition for betting with , we can't win because we can't stop , were not happy with walking away with a small amount or a big amount for that matter and are quit happy as you were to pump it all back in for another rush until it's all gone !
It absolutely makes no sense at all what we do to ourselves , I've walked in your shoes so I know exactly the way your feeling at the moment , angry stomach in knotts and just thinking if only I'd stopped when I was up , but of course we never do , it's not in our nature to be sensible and just walk away .
It also doesn't help that we use gambling as a shield or protection to escape everyday life and worries and maybe yiou need to look at the reasons behind the way you gamble , I know that I'd used my betting as a distraction from life's cra.P for many years but now I've learned to deal with things better and confront problems head on its allowed me to stop gambling completely !.
My life has changed so much in the last 5 months and I now have such a passion again its almost like being reborn and starting all over again and there's no reason that it couldn't be that way for you if you let it in ! , you have to let go of all the chasing of what youv'e lost and stop using the gambling as an emotional support , break the cyle and have a bit of faith in yourself and you'll be suprised what you get back in return . This forum can be a great tool in helping with recovery as well , posting more in your diary and on a regular basis really helps in getting things off you chest , have a rant, a whinge and a good old fashioned moan about life and gambling, all help to break that cycle and can be very theraputic ! .
Wow , I had a bit of a rant myself there egh! but I feel much better now ( see it does work ) LOL !
Just take care of you for a while , compose your thought's and when the fog of the last few days clears , make a few decisions as to what the best course of action is for you . Little steps one day at a time ?.
Thank you Alan. Kind and very wise words. I do have blockers on, but if I want to I can always find some device somewhere to log on. I can be my own worse enemy for sure. What I have done today is go back to basics of reading about gambling, especially FOBT. Did you know these machines/roulette make up over 70% of the profit margin online? Precisely because the makers know it can induce the 'chasing losses' syndrome that makes you keep going. Knowing stuff like this helps as when I know someone else is making a mug of me, it oddly helps me sober up.
Feeling determined. Got counselling tomorrow night so that will help and, yes, need to deal with my issues instead of hiding.
Day 3 and I have not gambled.
Hi B , Thats a great approach to take , back to basics , strip it down and start again !,
Those Fobt's in the bookies were my downfall , so yeah I've had first hand experience of what they can do to us and the way they suck us in to chase near misses , it does you good to draw on these feelings of being taken for a ride when we feel the urge .
When I last posted to you I realised after reading back over your diary that you already had blocks in place ,so sorry my mistake and as you said there's always a way around it , so it really boils down to us and what we do to stop gambling .
I hope your counciling goes well for you tomorrow and well done getting back to day 3 !.
Best wishes .......................Alan
Counselling was really good and positive. Feeling in control today and no urges. I won't gamble again, don't know why I know that but I do.
Day 4 and I have not gambled.
Glad it went well B !!
Stay safe and stay in control girl !!
Best wishes
Alan
Good day. Calm and in control.
Day 5 and I have not gambled. Would like to get a counter thing to clock the days ... will investigate!
You can set a counter on your profile it's good to see them days add up
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