Day 11 ... Pay day and need to keep strong. Can just about afford to pay for a short break I've got booked. Cannot afford to waste any money gambling.
Day 13 Spent a fortune this weekend. ... Thankfully it wasn't on gambling ! Going out, shopping and food ! Spent more than I should have really but not 1p on gambling 🙂
Two weeks gamble free ! Feels good and pleased I'm back on track !
Day 16 and still gamble free. Been able to enjoy having money and not wasting it.
Well done on your more than two weeks and thanks for your words on the challenge and the diary. Dealing with relapses is always tough but I guess one thing someone said here once can help:
"Relapsing does not mean the effort to stop is not there, it just means the addiction is very strong" So seeing addiction as separate from our efforts helps. When it is strong, we feel its strength in the form of strong urges and lies about gambling in our heads. In such moments, blocks help and also seeing the addiction separately and reminding ourselves for what the addiction is - a lies. Urges will finally subside, but we must be ready for the next wave and with time think about the triggers when water is calmer. You've done 200 days. Remind yourself of that and keep seeing through the lies. Failures are just feedback sessions - tightening the blocks each time. Wish you all the success in the recovery!
Day 17 and this makes sense to me. I feel that I am in the right frame of mind to build upon my past success in stopping. I learnt a lot last year about how to overcome this addiction. It did get stronger, and I got weaker. However I feel a regain in the power struggle and I really feel I have the strength to see out the rest of the year gamble free. In staying close to this site and posting in the 2016 challenge I feel I can do it, thanks to shattered79 for your support too.
18 days today, Claire is doing it, well done:)))
Suzanne xxx
Thanks for your post Boxingday (or Claire if I may :-). What you wrote is exactly how I feel about gambling. After the initial curiosity, the main motivation was only to get my money back. Slowly dependancy on the casino environment also crept in. An escape but the main motivation remained of chasing my losses and winning spurred by anger and misplaced determination. It took a drastic losses for me to self exclude from the offline casino and then online casino after realising I will never get my money back through either means. I have always been someone who finds it tough to accept defeat and gambling to get my money back was clearly a losing battle that I was not able to accept given I worked so hard to earn my money. I needed a higher wisdom to retreat and understand that sometimes it is wise to retreat and be careful in picking your battles. I guess this is a life lesson for me now. Be wise in picking your battles and don't let your ego or temptations rule you. I hope that with time and more peace of mind I will get more underneath and identify root causes that drove my gambling behaviour. For now it is important to stop as the only thing that gambling can do is damage - financial, mental and emotional not to mention relationships and trusts. Sure will be happy to walk together with you in recovery from this situation. I think that overall the Recovery and learning will be life long process and we should never get complacent and relapse again. Best wishes, S79
Hi Claire,
Well done on your g free days.
I have always thought that willpower & blocks will do a trick...it did for a first year..but i didn't do the job tho..i only stopped/ blocked gambling. It requires a little more than that..we are addicts in heart, so extra work on our mindsets is really needed. I tried and failed for 3 years now...don't know if i will keep failing, it is not at my forefront anymore..i used to be scared of lapses, and more when once i willingly brought them on myself. I am no expert, i just looked for another way to deal with..
Keep looking for support, it's out there..peel the onion nice and steady. It is not something enjoyable but if it gives you more clarification about your actions and behaviour - it definitely worth it. We are all different, same hat won't suit us all, but if something didn't work first time round, it's better to look for something different.
Sorry for the waffle
I wish you well, i want you to succeed and i want you to believe that the cycle can be stopped if changes start happening.
Stay safe, keep winning
S x
Thanks for your posts on my diary. I'm much more determined this time. 25 days done and I'm definitely on track to do this. Money looking healthier and this is despite booking holidays !
Day One - Again !
Well, I'm back to try again !
Hoping that this time I can do a full year gamble free. I think the most I've done previously is about 9 months - not sure exactly, but today is day one. Going to see if there's a 2017 challenge I can join ....
Welcome back
Sorry it's not on better term's
But good to see a post
You're more than welcome to join the 2017 challenge.
Here's to the next 365 and onwards
Deano
Thank you Deano - great to see you and KTOldham keep the Challenge running between you. I hope I don't let anyone down - mainly myself - and check in every single week - that's the plan !
Hey Claire,
Welcome back ☺. As saying goes (i made it up 😉 ) - you will not get far if you won't start somewhere!
It is similar as learning to walk again. Understand yourself and your behaviours better. It's the choice we make daily. Not easy and most of it can be ugly and stuff we don't want to hear/ see or know...but they become the vital points in life.
Simply accepting that we are addicts is really important. Discovering and working towards new future is ongoing process...it is doable!
I would recommend to keep talking. Keep seeking support, sharing. The power of like minded people is the power for success...with additional help as blocks, self inventory and desire to make changes.
You, me & everyone are entitled for a better life...& it is in our hands to start making those steps forward.
Keep posting, keep being true to yourself and never lose hope.
Just for today dear soldier - be kind to you.
S x
Day three - thanks for dropping by Sandra. Been busy at work so few urges and kept myself busy in the evenings doing other things - I'm determined to crack this !
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