Boxing Day 1

Day 11 and gamble free

Hi Claire,

Thankyou for stopping by on my diary - it’s a shame that we contact under these circumstances isn’t it ? 🙁 so sad to hear that you are still fighting this hell...I am too...I can’t believe how long it’s been since we first checked in each other’s diaries ...it’s been like, years !!! I’ve recently sought out Gamstop to help me ...as my addiction feeds solely from online slots ..and it is honestly the best thing I’ve done. I am not techno savvy to figure out a way to cheat it ..and believe me I have really tried ...so it is really working for me ...

Stay strong and Keep choosing life 🙂 xxx

Thanks Mel good to hear from you. I’ve posted back on your diary . Day 13 checking in !

Hi Claire

Yes, I am pleased to report that my counter is correct but I don’t really look at it nowadays because it’s about fixing me...changing me...and it will take time I know..and I’ll fall on and off the wagon like everyone else - I respect everyone who comes back and is honest about how crippling this whole addiction is ..not easy road to follow

Funnily enough my mum, partner and I have been out to bingo this week ! Totally controlled though as I don’t get my ‘fix’ from bingo - it was all online slots. I get what you are saying though...there’s people in there who are in there night after night ...

Have you tried counselling? I did, I had to, i hit rock bottom and it helped me understand ‘why?’ it’s not the money you know....rational thinking when in debt ...why am I doing this when I could be paying off debts ? Er hello ?

Have to log off now ...speak soon and keep strong

Mel xxx

Check in day 15.

I haven’t tried counselling I guess I’m just too convinced I can do it alone if I really put my mind to it !

It needs to be all or nothing with me. It’s far too slippery a slope when I go to bingo and promise myself I’ll stay off the slots. It always ends badly. Sick of going round in circles with this problem and know I must stay away from bingo and bandits for good !

Checking in day 16

Hi Clare,

I guess only you know the answer to that...have you told any one close to you ? It does massively help - they may help keep you distracted. Main thing is distraction and re: wiring our brains...we know gambling is wrong, well, wrong for people who cannot control it (I.e. me !) so I have really had to work on changing my lifestyle as well as dealing with the issues I had. My mum, ex husband and new partner knows what’s happened so it’s not a secret...was the most shameful time of my life coming ‘clean’ but now I have to prove to them that I have sorted my life out ! It’s going to take a long time though

Mel xx

Hi Mel

I have told some close friends but not my family. I don’t want to worry them and they’d maybe even try to step in and pay some of the debts. It’s my mess and I want to go it alone and don’t want others disapproving too I guess. I’m doing ok on 19 days. I don’t miss it. But for me it’s a weakness that there will be a single moment I’ll suddenly not be able to control the urges and I don’t know if or when that moment will come. I’m looking at giving my bank card away to a friend and just using it to withdraw the cash I have to live off each month and letting my friend keep hold of the card, I think this would work as I’m not irresponsible enough to waste money I need for other things when I can see the cash it makes me less inclined to waste it too. Hoping I can crack it this time around! Glad you’re doing well, it sounds like you’ve found it easier with your close family’s support around you. Thanks for your posts !

xx

Boxing day fresh you certainly never give in. I respect you for that and sincerely hope that your time has come to stop gambling. Your now up and running with 20 days GF on the clock, in a positive state of mind and determined to find a better quality of life.

You certainly seem to be ticking all the right boxes. Keeping away from bingo and bandits, getting a trusted friend to hold onto your bank card and registering with Gamstop makes it difficult to gamble online.

This horrible addiction has pestered you since you were a young child and I think you have had enough of it. I wish you contentment, happiness and fun on your gamble free adventure...stephen

Hi Claire,

Have you thought about self excluding your self from the bingo halls ?

Thank you both for posting on my diary. I have looked into self excluding bingo in the past but I don’t want to go through the embarrassment of going into a place where people know /recognise me and providing photos and self excluding. I cannot bear the thought of it. I don’t want my photo in some book of compulsive gamblers for the bingo staff to browse .. plus what if it got into the hands of someone who knows me who I didn’t want to know of my problems ... no I’m not going down that route .

Pleased to say I’m 22 days gamble free & determined to stay this way!

Hi Claire,

I hope I don’t sound patronising here as it really is not my intent at all - you have been here with me from the start. I am approaching 100 days gf, the longest I have ever been gf since this hell addiction took control of my life...as you know, my tipple is the online slots not bingo halls but my main driver for giving up is facing the overwhelming shame for what I had done. Literally face on. Nothing made sense to my family, I work hard, but never had any money, I drive an old crappy car when I should be able to afford a decent car, I never went shopping, I don’t smoke, I don’t drink....people aren’t stupid - they will know something isn’t quite right. You might be really surprised about how your family react to you telling them. My mum remortgaged her rental house for me, I have to pay her back but I was going under with debt and she saved me in the nick of time - I was always so so sensible with money but addiction made me so irrational. But, money isn’t the issue - debt is just the product of our irresponsible behaviour, when we suffer our biggest loss we feel avenged to win it back ! The act of ‘coming’ clean meant that I had no where to hide, it was so humiliating at 34 years of age having my mum go through my bank statement - all my dirty laundry laid out bear to pick at! My partner found out also and he will never trust me with money, I don’t blame him - it’s unbearable for me to talk about at times even still....but the attraction of slots and reminding myself of the shame they have brought on me is keeping me away ! Oh, and the amazing GAMSTOP 🙂 !!!

Keep making the right choices !

Mel xxx

Hi, radical changes are what's needed. I'm Adam ive been on this site for three years and its taken relapse after relapse after relapse after relapse for two years to realise that I needed to change my life in order to succeed at this . A gambler will find a way to gamble as u know. I went from wasting my money online, to casinos, to bookies to pubs, self excluded one by one but found a way round that each time then when I was excluded from everything ivwent to pubs with 500 pound fruit machines. I'm no way cured but I've found that excluding makes me feel that I'm not welcome there so please exclude from ur bingo halls no one except staff will know and if someone u kknow finds out then I my opinion it looks good that ur doing something about it. At least that someone wont c u in there gambling all ur money away. I am tee total now and don't go in pubs and don't smoke anymore, no drugs for me anymore and now more importantly no gambling which cost me the most. Look back at my first diary I didn't want to tell my family but now I have theres blocks on internet at home and help from the people I my life that matter. Seek help. I think ur on about twenty days that's great seek the help to get u to 1000 days and then ill be financially secure and hopefully ill be there too smiling that we have both been so successful. Adam

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Hi Mel & Adam

Thank you so much for your posts. I know you speak so much sense and I’m all too familiar with the fact that a gambler will find a way to gamble. I’ll give it some thought excluding myself from bingo. It would make sense it’s just physically doing it. If it was just an anonymous phone call or procedure I’d defo do it but I don’t think they make it easy us having to physically go into the establishments armed with photos. I think you should just be able to email a form in with your photo digitally attached, I’d defo do that. Anyway I’m glad you too are both well on your gamble free journeys. Sounds like it’s going great for you and I’m too delighted to say I’m 25 days gamble free. Read somewhere it takes three weeks to break a habit, so happily past that point 🙂

Day 26 checking in gamble free