Changing for the better

Hi Mr T, I've read the first couple of pages of your thread and then from here back to page 24 so can empathise with your situation. Like you I have wonderful kids and same as you I gamble too much. It has affected our lives as I am a single parent but I hope that I can turn it around. Reading diaries like yours is an inspiration to giving up as you have certainly struggled over the past year to beat your demons. As you have said on here - its not about the money. Winning money is not the thrill of gambling, it is the adrenaline high that keeps us addicted. I have tried to limit my gambling myself over the past few months but I still go back there a couple of times a month and throw money away because when I win it goes back in if not that day then the next. So I need to put the same kind of limits in place that you have. And am working on them. My aim is to ensure that we have one decent holiday this year and to start my savings again which were raided and then abandoned over the 3 years that I have been gambling. All the best to you and everyone that reads, Im sure we can *** it but lapsing is the biggest threat to our resolve...... I can write that from a position of having already gambled this week. I hope I can write it in a couple of weeks when I have money in the bank as well.

Still have the blocks in place, but still keep having annoying slips with the limited funds that are available to me.

I have never had any plan or desire to try "controlled gambling". I tried controlled smoking once having stopped for 4 years and that didn't work!

The choice is stark. I either chose to gamble or I chose not to at all. As no financial damage has been done this year (the opposite in fact) then I have nothing to chase.

If I have nothing to chase, then all I am doing is risking what little I have.

Have paid for all the things that I wanted to (holiday, 12 months council tax, credit card etc) so maybe it is time to call it a day.

The last six months or so have gone pretty much along the lines of; decide to stop, stop, stay stopped for week(s), have a little go again.

Just need to make the gap between step 3 and 4 a little bigger! Don't like saying forever, even though it should be.

I don't like being a gambling serial offender, even if I am, but I am still trying to stop.

Take great encouragement from reading other diaries where people have decided enough is enough, stopped and stayed stopped. Maybe, just maybe I can follow.

Thats it for now.

M

Been a struggle of late. Today I have not and will not gamble.

M

Not gambled for a few days now, and have a feeling of inner peace which has been absent for while. Just been enjoying family life, the glorious weather and some low standard of golf! Can't have everything I suppose.

No gambling yesterday.

No gambling today.

Don't want to gamble tomorrow.

I have no desire to destroy what I have.

That's it for now.

M

I'm currently not gambling and haven't for a while now.

I'm more content.

I no longer take too long when out or lie about where I have been.

I have cash left at the end of the month.

I am more relaxed.

But.........

I still miss it. I long to be able to play. This is not just an urge, but have felt like this for a couple of weeks.

Like giving up smoking I guess.

Never look back.

M

Time for a rant!

I don't often read the tabloid drivel that is printed daily, but have just seen an article that has made me nigh on explode!

The Gambling Commission has just granted a licence to a new IVF Lottery. This has to be stooping to an all time low.

Couples, desperate for a child, have the "opportunity" to buy tickets at £20 a pop in order to get £25k worth of treatment.

Now why does this wind me up? Well, 12 years ago we started on the IVF treadmill. The NHS postcode lottery meant that if we wanted treatment we would have to fund it.

And at £4.5k a go this wasn't and still isn't cheap. So I funded it. Credit cards, loans and eventually remortgaged. Despite the fact I pay God knows how many thousands in tax every year, we wanted a child and if that was what we had to do, so be it.

So, I know how desperate these people are going to be. The sums are simple. Sell 1250 tickets and they have covered their costs. Any more than that is profit, even if they are hiding behind a charitable status.

This is going to draw more people in to throwing good money away on a 1250-1 chance of getting something they want. So will people stop at buying a single ticket? Unlikely.

Personally, I think the whole situation sucks, and getting irritated by it won't help.

Just shows how low gambling can go.

Rant over.

M

PS By the way, the treatment did work and I don't have a single regret at throwing the £000s at it I did.

Hi Mr T

Thanks for the post mate!

Hope you are well and winning the battle of this s**t addiction, thats some last post. Totally agree with you, gambling sucks and the lows just get lower and lower.

It thrives on peoples vulnerabilities, gambling gives such a false hope.

Anyway, take care - post soon, ands

Thought this time I should chalk up a few days clean before coming back, head bowed and tail between my legs.

So today, day 12, and feeling d**n good!

Letting go of the past and all the losses and moving on.

Take care all

M

Will be two weeks tomorrow.

Plenty to keep me occupied over the long weekend, although weekdays were my main problem.

Am looking forward this weekend to 1) Not lying, 2) Not taking ages to do a 5 minute trip to the shops, 3) Not gambling and 4) most importantly, spending quality time with my wife and children doing whatever they want to, like last weekend.

Have a good weekend all

M

No gambling, or even thoughts of it today. Been very productive, lots of jobs done and time with family. Much more chilled out!

No gambling, and on urges, but bloody hell I'm being tested! Kids playing up and wife sulking for some unknown reason, but it's probably my fault. Be a d**n sight worse if she knew about this S***e! Still, as long as I continue to pay for everything, which I do, and don't waste anymore time gambling then things may improve. Just not in a happy place right now.

Change of title. It's no longer day 1, and I don't want there to have to be another day 1.

Better day than yesterday. Nothing to report on the gambling front. Been busy with family stuff which is nice. Still looking forward to going back to work tomorrow though!

Another day begins, and for today, I will not gamble.

Pay day is looming, and although for the first time in a long time I have a bit of money left from this month, I need to be on my guard. Will make sure it is moved out of reach at the earliest opportunity.

Many other things to do now instead of wasting time on the FOBT machines. Still need to have some me time though. So, from now on the clubs live in the car, and if I want some time for me I'll be off down the golf range.

Have a good day all

M