Day 273
Been stomping around like a bear with a sore head of late. I can get incredibly bad-tempered and hot-headed, and more so than ever during the last week - my boss even pulled me up for it last week, as well as my OH. And why (?), I'm massively competitive, and I know exactly what I want to do, but I get frustrated at times when things don't go right. Guess I need to chill.
Hi there
Personally I don't think you should chill. I think the opposite in fact, that you should shout loud and strong on here, a safe place, how you are feeling.
As Dotty and other seasoned travellers will tell you if you leave the rubbish inside it festers and only gets worse.
Doesn't suit everyone I know but maybe worth a try.
Think you are doing amazing job fighting on with no support or understanding at home. May the force be with you.
xxx
Day 279
A momentous day this week. I've actually managed to pay off credit card #1 - I now have 7 left. But there may be a chance that CC#2 of being gone by the end of March. I've also had some good comp wins this week, so my mood has been lightened in the last few days. And this has taught me something though, that my recent downer has been because of money, and my frustrations over not being able to pay it back.
Hi Michael
Had a flick through your truly epic diary. Proper rugged stuff and brilliant to read. As someone who's near the beginning of the journey I think you're doing fantastically well.
It must be really difficult fighting this alone. I've been gamble free for a month and told my GF recently who took it well. But then it's a different circumstance and my problems largely pre-date our relatively young relationship. Sounds like you might benefit from speaking to/engaging with someone about your issues though - one can sense through your posts a sense of pent up frustration at fighting this heroic struggle to bring down your debts, without a lot of apparent support or appreciation.
Good luck
Day 288
Cardhue - Thanks for your kind words of support. I don't get onto this board that often these days - my current system seems to be working well at the moment, and keeping this thread going is extremely important to me.
Anyway, 10 days since my last entry, and same-old same-old I'm afraid, although the key things are, no gambling thoughts, and financially getting better every month. Still same old frustrations and problems at home. I have a son who is becoming extremely bad-tempered and abusive towards me, and I really don't know what to do ? My OH is no support whatsoever (as usual) and I just feel completely let down. I just want to leave, sell the house, declare bankruptcy and make a clean break.
Day 302
Wow - just through the 300 day barrier. Phew, last post a bit heavy. Just tired and frustrated to be honest. Guess I know deep down that things aren't perfect, but does a thing really exists (?), but they're not too bad. Can't wait for the day I really do have money in my pocket to relax and enjoy.
Hi Michael,
I would like to say a massive well done on the 300 barrier. I have posted on your diary a few times in the past and even though i dont come here that often now i always read your diary when i do.
Its excellent news on CC1 paid of/ Well done. Its a long road but you will and are getting there.
Believe me when i say that once you are debt free and you make that last payment it feels like you have lifted off the planet. Life shall be better as the debt will not consume your thoughts all the time and you may find the time to relax and enjoy life for what it is, and that life is a gift.
All the best and keep on going.
Steven
Day 308
The number above is keeping me going ! Again, I get annoyed by this and that, and again, I feel like I'd like to take the money I owe and shove it up my creditors *****s. Yes, I'm in one of those moods again, but I'm not knocking it, because it drives me on, and for the last 308 days, it's worked. And when this is paid off, my conscience will be clear. Funny thing is, my total debt (including mortgage) is about £2K better off than it was 2 years ago, so at this rate, only another 298 years to go - which I find strangely amusing. Aw, f**k it, something good is bound to happen, and in the meantime, I get on with what I've been doing for the last 2 years.
Anyway, something else I've noticed, is that somehow, 'in-text' advertising is switched in my browser, so I'm finding advertising for gambling web-sites popping up from posts etc on this site, and I don't know how this sounds, but for f**cks sake !!!!!
Day 309
Inclined to update my diary today, not because I have anything to say as such, but just to move my 'expletive ridden post from yesterday down one.
Big landmarks coming up
1. 365 days on 22-May
2. 500 days on 04-Oct
Day 310
Relaxed normality returns. Looking forward to the long bank holiday weekend coming up. Chance to rest and recharge. The demons seem a million miles away.
Haven't had time to read yr full diary but will do later! I'm back posting and in a similar situation debt wise as you! Paying over £700 a month out on gambling debt ! 3 months free of gambling now but I'm back posting on here to listen to experiences to assist my own! Well done on the 300 odd day bet free status! I went over a year without a bet before falling back down the ladder! Now slowly climbing the rungs again! Stay strong!
Hi Michael...I have to say it pains me to read your diary sometimes 🙁 it's bad enough that you have the problems with gambling that (like me) you are dealing with on your own but it upsets me that you seem so far removed from your wife 🙁 do you really not like her as much as it comes across, or do you just update your diary when you have had an argument lol?!
Part of me thinks that you don't really want to be with her but because of the money you have lost etc you feel that you have to stay with her out of duty? I hate to say it but if you think that once these debts are paid off the two of you are magically going to connect again then I think that you are wrong.
I might be totally out of order for saying the above but I feel that you don't have the love and support that you need at home. Even though my husband has no idea what secrets I have he is always there for me, always wants to spend time with me and is grateful for the fact that I am full time working mother who provides as much to the household as he does. I wonder if your wife just thinks that because you did what you did she can get away with being a freeloader and getting whatever she wants!
Another point I wanted to make...you said in a previous post that you have only cleared 2k off the debt in 2 years even though you work all those extra hours doing competitions etc. Would it REALLY make that much difference if you stopped doing all those comps?! I just think that you work so hard in your normal job that the last thing you need in life is to sit and do all that every morning and night?! Or just do a few hours at the weekend instead?
You are amazing...i can only dream of getting to 300+ days...I just wish you were happy with other parts of your life and I want you to be aware that these areas are not going to magically repair themselves once the debts are gone xxxxxxx
Day 316
It pains me to read some of my previous posts. Running myself into the ground, getting frustrated and taking it out on anyone in range. Those thoughts are always temporarily, but with tiredness and fatigue, I often struggle to see the big picture. My previous post about only paying off £2k in 2 years, forgets to mention that I subsequently lost £5k last year, and i've actually paid off £3k on the last 3 months !!! I feel a little ashamed sometimes about my pessimistic, glass half empty nature at times.
This has been a long hard slog, and I think deep down, the precarious financial position we find ourselves which is wholly down to my gambling, is something I am still struggling to come to terms with. But in spite of all that, I'm still convinced that the path I've chosen is the right one - god only knows where we'd be if I hadn't.
Day 331
Wow - over 2 weeks since the last contribution, and still going strong. All the bad things I write stem from one thing - fatigue and ultimately frustration. The finances are sorting themselves out, and from spending the last 2 years struggling to pay off any money, I've paid off the same in the last 3 months than I had done in the preceding 2 years.
Day 336
Inching ever closer to that magical 365 day mark. Had another week of ups and downs, but it's all turned out for the best as usual.
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