Closure - 13th Feb 2014

Day 12

Thanks Jim, Winding down for hols today. Trying to feel excited about hols, still feeling down. I'm really hoping this break will do me some good. What I'm most pleased about is that next post I'll write I'll be report that I'm 23 days since my last gamble.

Hi Michael,

Have a great holiday! I can relate that everything seems a bit surreal at first when you quit and might seem a bit mudane/numbing as your missing the buzz of the gamble. After a while though things will get back to normal.

Keep posting and keep focussed and enjoy your recovery!

Andy

Day 23

Back from my hols today, well tanned, well rested and well jet-lagged ! Spent a week of lazing around beside the pool which was great. Also, didn't spend any time thinking about gambling (excellent), but did spent pretty much every waking moment thinking about the mountain of debt I have to pay off. I've convinced myself that it's not too bad, and my disposable income i.e. once min payments and mortgage are payed is very similar to what it was before I started gambling over 2 and a half years ago, which has made me feel much better.

So, nose to the grindstone, I now have a good unbroken run at this now, and I should be able to pay off at least half of CC#1 in the next couple of months. Bring it on !

Day 24

Feeling a little more relaxed today, a little less stressed, and a little happier in general, partly due to my first pay-rise for a long time being announced at work which should give me a few extra quid each month. Cannot get complacent - need to channel this extra cash into paying the debt off.

Day 25

Nothing much to report today. Feeling very tired, but alot of worry about the finances has gone - even though I'm still up to my eyeballs. More imprtantly, no urges.

Day 26

Through the 60K mark today. Feeling a little more relaxed with each day. Absolutely shattered tonight hence the quick message.

Day 27

Continuing to plug away at this. Although it's only 27 days, my last gamble seems a lifetime away. Feeling more relaxed about the debt and life in general at the moment.

Hi Michael35

Well done on your continued progress, and keep it going mate. I am on day 144 today of not gambling and I have also paid back a bit of my huge debt. I am very interested in your extra money making ideas, would you be able to share the information ? If so please let me know your email address and I will email you for the ideas.

Thanks mate

Hi Dave, Thanks for your words of encouragement. Email me at [email protected] and I'll send you a list. Many thanks

Day 28

Didn't post last night - down the pub, which made a nice change. Gambling is becoming more a distant memory/nightmare now, and I'm feeling more comfortable with the debt every day. I feel that the worst days are past now, but I need to hold onto that sinking/stomach churning/numbness feeling I got when lost approx 20 consective hands of BJ at £100/hand, or the time I played a £200 hand, accidently clicked "Double", and ended losing £400 instantly. I need to remember that I've earned about as much in the last 24 days as I probably would have lost in 5 minutes at the height of this nightmare. I have to keep reminding myself of this every so often.

Day 29

Am I Compulsive Gambler ?

I must be, I've blown in the region of £80K in the last 3 years, and lost £9k over the period of 2hrs. So why am I not getting any urges to gamble anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'm well pleased that the urge to gamble has stopped dead, but there's a nagging doubt that my other self is lurking. I was at my lowest ebb 29 days ago, all sorts was going through my mind (even some very stupid thoughts), and now, only 29days later, a quantum shift in state of mind - positive, more relaxed, happier, getting more sleep, more productive at work again. It's as though this recovery has been too easy - reading the other diaries, I feel that I haven't had a particularly rough ride this time around.

It's amazing what life can be like when you don't gamble isn't it?

We just need to always remember what life what like when we gambled destructively. Yes, there were highs but 98% of the time, there were the the extreme lows.

Gambling really does NOT pay off in the long term.

But you knew this anyway.

GT

Day 30

Feeling under the weather yesterday, so update this morning. 30 days now without any urges.

Day 31

Oh, just f*****G great ! Just when I'd thought I was pulling myself around. Just when I thought I was over the worst. Just when my stress levels had lowered. Just when I'd had my first pay rise in 3 years. Just when I thought I could just manage to pay off the debt, I get called to a meeting today and I'm told that our department are in talks with the Union about a 20-25% headcount reduction - oh just f*****G wonderful ! 3 months from now, there's a real chance that I'll be looking for another job. Oh, I forgot to say, the same thing's happening at my wife's work. So in 3 months time, we could both be looking for a job. Ok, I'm sure that there's sh*tloads of benefits we could claim, but we have the small matter of a £2000 min payments to fork out per month including the mortgage. Ok, a redundancy package might cover 1/2 the credit card payments, and it's debatable whether we'd survive the mortgage repayments without my income anyway, but I haven't even got Income protection insurance. I feel deskilled and demotivated - I'll dust my CV down, but I've been so long with my current employers (15yrs), I don't think my skills are of use anywhere else. Very worried at the moment. I need to get this CV up to scratch and start looking for work. I need job offers on the table come 3 months time. But 1 thing I know for sure, regardless of what happens, gambling is most definately NOT a way out.

So I need to continue what I doing, remain cool, get the CV sent out, and gauge the market place. Bear in mind, if I'm clever with this, I could score for a Voluntary Redundancy package + another job. Need to keep cool and focussed.

Oh no Michael that's terrible news! Surely if you have 15 years experience though they are more likely to get rid of the newer less experienced people. I guess you should prepare yourself for both outcomes...start looking for jobs now just incase and think about how much redundancy you will get and how much of your debt you could afford to pay off. Best to be prepared...and you're totally right, gambling is not the way out of this scenario...or any scenario for that matter! I've been having a horrible stressful month trying to get the finances in order...lost loan documents, bounced cheques due to delays at the loan company, have been pulling my hair out! Hopefully by the end of next week I can breathe a sigh of relief and know exactly where I am!

I joined a couple of the survey sites...it's so hard to keep at it lol I take my hat off to you for having the committment to keep going! It's taken me 3 weeks to earn a tenner on one site, doing a few surveys a week in my lunch break. But a tenner is better than nothing and I intend to put whatever vouchers/cash I get away for xmas to reduce the money I need to spend on pressies.

I glad you got to enjoy your holiday before you received the news about work. Keep keeping us updated on how you're getting on xxx