Completely pointless!

you describe everything as I felt when I was so short time ago gambling , I also felt like my health work and bank balance was suffering , although to be honest I would like another small gamble , I will not , because I cannot , and I cannot because if I do I know I will not stop , and I would loose everything that I worked for like I very nearly did last time. and you seem also to of been through the same kind of thing , my thought process also went to pot , but believe you can stop , you have done it before and must do it again, all I can say is your not on your own , remember when we gamble we cannot win because we cannot stop so there is no point gambling atall , keep strong and take the right path which I think you will be able to tell which is the right path , thanks simon

Ok - well here goes

A month ago I posted wishing I could stop gambling again

Years wasted, with intermittent periods of abstention, one of which pretty much saved my life when it was on the verge of oblivion

Yet still I returned to gambling again... and again etc. etc.

If I had managed to stop a month ago things could be so much better, instead I reached new heights culminating in a real spree that has done so much damage

I need now to take stock, to stop this madness and concentrate on me and my family again and strive to be the person I know I am and can be

Not the shadow of oneself that I have become again

Start over is all I can do

Stop this madness

Complete pointlessness

Tomorrow brings a new day, a day without gambling and a day to start again...

I need all the help I can get

This forum has helped me in the past, so once again I look towards it to save me once more

Weldy

Evening weldy, reading your post i can understand where you are at, I too did the same in the past, but this time it is different and I now know why, it is all down to NEED & WANT. In the past you have needed to stop to save yourself, your family and your job, so you did, as the need subsidies your strength to abstain weakens, and the cycle begins again. it is not till you want to stop for no other reason than to better yourself will you truly be able to. I'm not saying you didn't want to in the past but the need to stop was stronger. I wish you all the strength in your fight this time round and look forward to following your diary as you take back your life and leave your past where it belongs, behind you.

Thanks screwball, yes completely agree with what you say. My most successful period of abstention was when my back was seriously against the wall, which is where I have put myself once again

I am seriously going to kick the gambling in the b**t again this time - I have to

Hello Weldy my friend 🙂

It's weird to see my diary at the top of the page after so long.

Ok this is going to be my advice to you. Recovery from gambling addiction is hard work and you need to practice. I'm still practising albeit years since I lost the plot. I still log in and read...I guess it's part of my ongoing therapy 🙂

I will help if you want me to?

Just for today Weldy be kind to yourself and take things real slow. You can do this.

Get a good night's sleep. Rest your mind.

Your friend Jas x

Hi Jos, yes that would be great. Could really use the support my friend.

Day 1 begins again today.. head spinning a bit

Weldy

hey Weldy

thanks for the post on my diary. Yeah sure would love to check in each day and support each other. I felt so overwhelmed this morning when I woke up with the realization of how much money has been lost and what a mess I am in, but looking at the big picture is no good is it, we've just got to focus on one day at a time. One day at a time, and soon the days without gambling will stack up.

You can do it.

Stu

Weldy

Fella when I came to this forum in January 2012 you were without doubt one of the authors who gifted me the ability to see that without gambling in my life it would gift it the opportunity for me to actually live life.

You inspired me,for that I will be ever thankful.

Today I hope to repay your unwittingly generosity.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

Hi Weldy

You have been here before kid and you know it does get easier.You know you cant change what has happened but you can determine what will.This is what you need to focus on.You have an advantage m8,you know how good things can be and i believe you will get there again.I know how determined you can be.Its just getting over the first days.Stay strong kid.All the best Jeff.

Hello,

Well here I am ready and willing to offer support 🙂

For me the enormity of the financial loss was the thing I found most difficult to come to terms with. The money we have lost is GONE. We aren't ever going to get it back. We are, however, in control of making a better future and we both know that the tempation to try to "WIN" it back is something that has to be fought. As I said before recovery has to be practised. It's hard work but something that has to be faced.

Something that helped me all those years back was a real simple idea I came up with. I messed up big style with my mortgage so I drew a house and detailed all the bricks. For every week I didn't gamble I coloured a brick in. Guess it was sort of rebuilding my house again. The bricks are being filled in nicely now ater all these years and there are more coloured in than are left. This may or may not help but you need to try to have a little motivator for yourself.

I have faith that you can do this. Stay close to the site and use netline when those urges come along strong and fast. Did you ever have counselling Weldy?....Gamcare can arrange it for you if that's something that may help?

You will beat this Weldy.

Take care, your friend Jas x

Evening all,

Thank you Jas, Jeff, Dunc and Stu for your messages as it was really great to receive those messages of support

Pleased to say, having just got back in from a weekend in Blackpool (which was interesting!) I am pleased to report a weekend free of gambling, so tomorrow, when the real hard work starts, I get to start on day 3

I managed to put the events of last wee in its place and as the weekend progressed, felt a little more at ease with myself

As your messages hinted at, I have been here before, and whilst it may not have been a permanent abstention for me on that occasion, I did make a pretty good fist of it and got my life back on track for some considerable amount of time

So I can do this again and with your help, feel strong enough to do this

Jas, I like your idea and have been thinking of similar ideas myself today

Stu, hope you had a good weekend and can stay with me on this journey

Dunc and Jeff, look forward to catching up with your diaries, thanks again for your words

Weldy

I have found this site of great help in the past as my main catalyst for beating this addiction

I am back here to try again to beat this and to take back control of my life

The past 6 months have seen me return to the depths of where I found myself some 5 and a half years ago, but I have learned so much since that time, even if I was unable to beat the addiction for good in that time

I have found my triggers even though I may be slow to act on them which is why I am back, without that learning I would not be back

To anyone that might read this, who also has a past like mine, full of relapses and torment, please don't give up, there is always a future without gambling

For every day you don't gamble is a victory for yourself

In the 5 years from the day that I found this site, I cleared my debts, bought a house and stayed with the love of my life

None of these things would have ever happened without this site and the inspiration and determination I found here, but more importantly those who participated with me and shared my story, my thoughts and my feelings and were there for me, and even though I have failed, even now I find that some are still here for me years later!

Through the ups and downs of my strongest and weakest times, I was helped and found myself and a life again. It's a shame I didn't stay gamble free, but I must now only look to my future as I cannot change this!

So yes, I return once more, a failed and relapsed gambler, with debts, with losses and the pain it brings, but glad to be here rather than where I was only a few days ago

But I know the power of not gambling and what it can do for me, and I want that again!

So no matter how long you haven't gambled, it matters not, it only matters that tomorrow I will not gamble

That's where I am for now

Weldy

Good Morning 😉

I'm just off to work and thought I would check in on you.

I liked your last post...I could feel determination in it. You've make the first steps....keep stepping and slowly those steps will mount up.

Don't think of last Friday as "black Friday".....think of it as the start of a better future for Weldy and the love of his life.

Chat soon x Jas x

Off to work 🙁 don't want to go but have to as I'm still stepping heh heh x

Well day 3 is drawing to a close and it has been a good day with no gambling

Last night I had my better half change my password to my exchange account so I no longer have access to it

Got the usual email to say a change had been made and it felt good to know that they can't have anymore of the hard earned

Very wet day everywhere I went, which included a trip to canary wharf in docklands, if I was in a gambling mode I would have come up with an excuse not to go, so this I see as a positive

Driving back home was thinking about the things that I won't miss

1. Going to sleep with a mental note in my head of how much money I had lost in the days that I could actually remember

2. Thinking how much I was going to try and get back tomorrow

3. Wondering if the postman will need to knock on the door to deliver this months bank statement!

4. Wondering if this months bank statement will need to be delivered by DHL or Fed Ex!

5. Waking up and remembering how much I had lost the day before

6. Trying to catch up with work in the evenings instead of chilling out

7. Sleeping cause it was time I could have been betting

8. Not Sleeping! Cause I couldn't stop worrying

There will no doubt be others I think of in the coming weeks but these are what spring to mind

Weldy