New Member - Husband’s Gambling

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 Amy
(@68fqgpu4jh)
Posts: 1
Topic starter
 

Hi there, I have just joined this forum today and just wanted to get a load off of my chest. 

My husband told me a few days ago that he was in a significant amount of debt due to gambling. This wasn’t the first time, he had issues ten years ago when he still lived at home and his mum helped him set up a repayment plan and got him attending meetings. Then around 2 years ago he had told me he was in debt again due to his gambling, and I paid this off for him but didn’t realise the extent of the problem and he didn’t go to any meetings. So, this time around he was in much more debt. Again, I had to go into my fixed savings account and use money we were going to use a house deposit to cover his debt. 

When talking about this situation, he told me that his problem hadn’t got better from when he lived at home. He wasn’t actually attending those meetings after the first one or two. When I bailed him out the first time, he still kept one of his credit accounts open and this led to him gambling again. 

This time, he has already accessed help via GamCare. He is attending meetings, I have full access to his bank account, he has blocked the gambling websites. He says it won’t happen ever again because he is disgusted with himself and hates feeling the shame and panic. He was throwing up every day before work and sometimes even at work. He is already taking steps to pay me the money back and I will be reimbursed by the end of the year. Just for context, we also have a baby who was born a few months ago. 

I guess I would just like some reassurance. Do people think this really won’t happen again? Is there anything else I can do to make sure it doesn’t?

Thank you for reading 

 
Posted : 4th February 2025 4:51 pm
(@p6z38njbqm)
Posts: 542
 

Hi and welcome to the forum. I was the gambler in my relationship. My wife couldn't stick by me and we split up. Whilst this was a huge blow and left me zero support, I am nearly a year gamble free. I'm telling you this because I am beating this. I have not gambled a penny since I quit. It would have been easer with support so there is a good chance your husband can do this with your help. Ultimately though he has to do it for himself. If he doesn't give it his all then the chance of relapse is there. He has to be fully honest with you. No secrets. If he has an urge, he tells you. If he has a secret account, he tells you. If he buys a scratch card, he tells you. You can only help him so far. You will have to check his accounts daily. Give him pocket money. Until he wins some trust back, it has to be this way. I did it without this help, but I sure would have liked to have someone keeping an eye on me. From chatting to others in here, your relationship can grow stronger due to the complete honesty.

Do not think paying his debts will fix him. This only enables a gambler. They get away with the consequences. It sounds like he's taking all the right steps, but keep a close eye on things. He has yet to deal with the reality of being in debt. Yes he is to you, but that's of no consequence (apart from your wrath!). Also make sure you are financially safe. Get him to show you his credit report. Check yours too.

I wish you all the best.

Stay strong 👍 

 
Posted : 5th February 2025 3:04 am
Tazman
(@tazman)
Posts: 401
 

Hi Amy i am really sorry to hear this the truth is once u have this addiction you are never really cured which is why u have to take it on a day to day basis, i personally managed over 3 years with a bet until i got sucked back into it, the addiction is like no other and their millions of reason why a relapse could occur the honest answer is yes a relapse could happen however have that extra support could potentially stop him from relapsing urgues can come out of nowhere and come on intense, by much as much barriers in place would help make it more difficult to gambling, by having no access to money will eliminate the possibility of relapsing extreme measure are the best measures unfortunately only few people are willing to go this extreme which is why in Ga works so well as they are very extreme in their approach 

 
Posted : 6th February 2025 3:22 am

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