Dan's Journey

Dan,

I had to get a new phone over the weekend, long 'hot story'. Your digits didn't save on my device. Will you hit me up again with a SMS? I went to get in touch tonight and haven't got your digits!

Julie x

15th March Day 48 GF Today

Thanks for comments left in my absence. Life is pretty much moving along nicely. I had my open meeting last night at GA and my wife DID come with me. It was an informative meeting and i hope it helps answer some questions which i am unable to. I did ask her but i think she was calculating the info. It's a late night and by the time we got home and our child care had left we needed to go to bed.

The meeting was well attended and people from other localish meetings came along with one person being free of gambling for just short of 20 years. It was interesting along with being very informitive. Again it was devide of what i had imagined, meeting partners of compulsive gamblers and hearing their stories and how they felt when told the truth, how they dealth with it and how they are supporting their loved ones brought the devastation to the forefront.

I'vr had one of my debts right back to me to confirm they agree with the offer from stepchange and they will freeze interest and fee's, so one down and three to go. It's looking more positive each day. The freezer is full, the fridge is pretty healthy and the cars have petrol. We'll survive until payday now. Then life gets a little easier.

Every now and again i try and re-read my diary or at least the beginning just to keep in check the feelings and the thoughts, i cannot believe how far i have come in just 48 days, it's not easy and i know i will have this addiction for life.

I love seeing how others are dealing with it also, so many people on this journey, so many people wanting to fight this addiction, I wish you all the best, I really do and to the new people just coming to terms with what they are doing or have done. I can only advise to confess. 24hours or a week of pain is so much better than the guilt and feelings through lieing and eventually you will have no choice but to come clean and by then you may have tipped something, someone or yourself over the edge.

As always, i'm determined to be better today than yesterday.

Today I will not gamble

All the best to everyone for another GF day. Let's smash it again!

So pleased your wife went along Dan, I know it meant a lot to you. Hope that she got something from the meeting too. Give her time to process it. Best wishes.

Ooh so pleased that she did go with you. Your diary entry made me smile a lot. Hope my rambled message made sense last night, I didn't want to get accosted by the robot Police! That would be a step too far.

Julie x

17th March Day 50 GF Today

Wow, i have reached the big 50, Such an achievement. I feel as though the first week i was in a serious bad mental place and each week has got easier and easier. The more i have learnt and listened and put in to place the easier it has become to deal with. The best way for me was to deal with it all one day at a time. Each day i wake up with the words of today i will not gamble, i believe this is the best way to do it.

As always, i'm determined to be better today than yesterday.

Today I will not gamble

All the best to everyone for another GF day. Let's smash it again!

Well done on your 50 days Gamble Free. You are really such a super star. In fairness, I know that you have put loads of effort into your journey, Keep trucking...keep smiling, keep loving, and keep focused. Here's to your success.

Julie xx

well played squire!

Congrats on your 1st 50 days Dan & so glad that your wife went with you. Hopefully she's not too overwhelmed by the experience (I imagine hearing that recovery is for life can seem quite daunting) & is safe in the knowledge that you are fighting & will continue to do so - ODAAT

Hey Dan
MAHOOOSUVE well done on the 50 days...I remember your first post. ....soooo...like you said...one day at a time...everyday you remain gamble free....is another day of your new life......enjoy...it's a journey with no end....but it's your journey.....your life....make it want you want it to be...trust me...it's better than the one filled with addiction as company. .x

Well done Dan - you have come along way in those 50 (51!) days. Best wishes, Phil

Hi Dan.

Just wanted to say well done on reaching 50 days gamble free. I am so happy to hear also, how much better you are feeling emotionally. Gambling can often even give the most tenacious of people on here bad thoughts and feelings. The only way to to help with these, is to remain abstinent and stride forward like you are doing.

Take care and have a lovely weekend. You deserve it!

Our Lady.

Sure it has become routine now to be leaving you a little Happy Monday GF week message..So why stop now!

Hope the weekend was good to you and yours? I worked all of it, but that is okay, because I am going dress shopping next weekend. 🙂 Myself and Cheshire Oaks are going to get re-connected and all because I am gamble free. Had a message off my brother tonight Dan, just to say he was okay, gaining weight and feeling a little better. First message from him since just after he started treatment. He sounds better. This has made me feel stronger. Have an epic Monday, smile and the world smiles back. Julie x

20th March Day 53 GF Today

Firstly thanks for messages left in my absence. I always find it difficult to post at the weekend, i'm trying to put as much in to family time as possible and think i am denying myself, my wife and kids the time by posting and being active on the forum. Strange feeling i know! I know it is here for me if i need it and i will/would use it if needs be. I feel comfortable not being active at the weekend but i am aware of that devil on my shoulder.

One part of me struggles, if we (family) need something we haven't the money for, i reach for a place i do not want to you go. My thought process hit's the i'll win it, just a couple of bets, i'll have the money and then i'll stop. I hate this place and these thoughts. I am fighting and trying to fight them but they are there, eating away. This then comes full circle and my mood changes, i become short and can feel an acheing anger / fustration. I think i am fustrated at myself for being in so much debt that something i would never think twice about buying/paying for i am now having to think, do i need it, can i afford it what will we miss out on if i spend it etc. Horrid Gambling has done this to me.

This weeks problem, I have a little Kind Charles Cavalier dog, she's 4 nearly 5. She is such a soft sweet bundle of fluff. I have 2/3 familly members/close friends whom normally look after her when we are away. All of them cannot have her when we are away in May / June for 2 weeks. I've exhausted people i know and am left with the kennels. I have 2 reasons why i do not want her to go to kennels. 1, she wouldn't cope, she is so loving and just loves cuddles and lieing on you and having a snooze and cuddle. 2, My previous dog died in kennels whilst on holiday and for this i can't bring myself to put her in.

Money is the major factor also, i've priced up several options along with the normal vets fee's for treatments before she goes in, with us flying on a saturday and coming home on a saturday i have found i can only drop / collect her on a weekday. This adds three days fee's. This seems to be the normal with everyone i have contacted. The bill is looking like £450 / £500. I know it's my fault for having a dog and i should know the consequences etc, but at this moment it's crucifying me. I wouldn't have thought twice at blowing that money and now look at me.

We are trying so hard to try and save £1k for our holiday spending money less than half what we normally take but an amount we know by budgeting and eating in our apartment etc, we can at least have a break, some family time, relax by the pool in good weather time. I have said to my wife to take the boys and i'll stay at home, i just don't think i get get that money for my dog and if we do then it would make the holiday unaffordable. What i have done......

All of this has had that devil on my shoulder screaming at me, it's just screaming you know you can do it, get that bet on.

I need to resolve this quick, as i know it's eating away at me and i need to ensure i don't reach for that comfort blanket.

As always, i'm determined to be better today than yesterday.

Today I will not gamble

All the best to everyone for another GF day. Let's smash it again!

24th March Day 57 GF Today

Not posted for my longest stint since registering on this site. Not intentional, just been busy, work has been very busy and my home life has had me running here there and everywhere.

All things are ok, i like being busy, takes away the thoughts of gambling. Still have worries about money, but i best get used to that, as this is no quick fix.

Hope everyone is ok

As always, i'm determined to be better today than yesterday.

Today I will not gamble

All the best to everyone for another GF day. Let's smash it again!

Have you checked (the vet would be a good start) to see if there are any dog walkers in your area that do sitting? We pay £30 a night for our monster & he absolutely loves going there. The kennel closest to us charge closer to £50 & when we went to have a look, they said "we try & get them out for an hour a day"...They TRY?!? It's fair to say that there's no love lost between myself & our 4 legged friend but even I would struggle to leave him in that environment. It's still an awful lot of money but someone close may reduce the number of days you need to pay for.

And as for the posting, this place is here for you as & when you need it...Don't be afraid to come here when you are struggling & don't pressure yourself to do so when you are comfortable. You're doing great!

You know in your heart addiction won't resolve your money problems so don't give in to the nonsense. Keep working on that better life - ODAAT