Dan's Journey

27th March Day 60 GF Today

As my son would say "Tote amazeballs weekend" or "That was sic"

What an amazing weekend that was, on Saturday i had plans of going to a race track (oulton park) with a friend and our oldest lads but due to money contraints i didn't and just let him take my lad. I got my front garden looking great and then took my dog for a mega nice walk and fed the ducks in the local pond. Watched the boxing and a film with the wife.

Sunday, got up early to watch the F1 Grand Prix, then early football with the eldest, sorted my back garden out and loaded the car up for a tip run. Had a huge feast of food that was bad for us, bathed the kids and then chilled out.

All this was going on whilst the sun was shining. ACE!!

None of this had the thoughts of regret, gambling and i didn't have to tell any lies or hide away. Would this have happened if i was gambling, probably not, i would have complained that my back was sore, or some other lie to just sit in the sun and get on my laptop or phone.

As always, i'm determined to be better today than yesterday.

Today I will not gamble

All the best to everyone for another GF day. Let's smash it again!

Wow, what an amazing weekend that was had in Dan's house. I am so pleased for you. Life can change, and does change. Wishing you a fabulous Monday!

Julie x

30th March Day 63 GF Today

Really been struggling of late to come on here, don't know why, weird. I logged in to chat a couple of times and pretty much just sat and watched, a few people (new names i don't know off) seem to really be letting themselves down. Quite rude, their way or no way and not far of being abuse sometimes. We are all here for the same reason, no one has a moral high ground, we all have the same addicition, so why is there any need.

I think thats why i like my GA group so much, face to face, different professions and ages in the room and everyone is there for the one purpose, no grief, you are questioned on morals etc, but no grief.

Ive met some nice people on here, some i truely do hope they overcome this addiction and restore their lives. Also if it wasn't for them i'd be gambling again for sure.

I still have that devil, just one bet, who would know, you'll win and just ease things financially that little bit. Even thoughts of just do it for the kids, give them that treat they need, or pay for that trip they need to go on. Really..... Now i'm dealing with that, the moments pass and it's gone.

We are going on holiday soon, luckily i had paid most of it before i got in to serious trouble with debt. However, we have a very low budget, we have been to the same place on numerous occasions, know the prices and know what we can afford to live very basically by cooking ourselves and living really cheap, the holiday is important to help me and my wife repair our fractured marriage and to see our two children smiling and playing around the pool/sea etc.

However, we have one problem at the moment and thats care for my dog whilst on holiday, i have no one that can take her and we have exhausted family and friends and even friends of friends, work colleagues everybody. It may mean that because the cheapest care i can find for her is circa half the already low budget we have for our holiday that we cannot go.

Today, a young lady has reached out to me and has said that she might be able to help....wow, i haven't met her, just talked via Gamcare and text. Words cannot express the gratitude that we have for this kind offer. I feel like so much weight has just been lifted and that little devil from above has just dissapeared.

I'm very humbled at the moment

As always, i'm determined to be better today than yesterday.

Today I will not gamble

All the best to everyone for another GF day. Let's smash it again!

see you had me at young lady,you charmer! Always keep the faith and believe in kindness xx have a great gamble free afternoon!

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Hi Dan.

Just wanted to catch up and say well done on you still clocking up the days. Really pleased to hear something nice and that lovely gesture from that very kind Lady.

Keep going strong. You are doing great!

Our Lady

4th April Day 68 GF Today

Thought i'd pop by to remind myself that there is help available on here if i need it.

Read a few stories, such devestation this Gambling illness brings to peoples lives. Not just the gamblers but the families.

My life has changed these last couple of month's, people keep saying how happy i am and some say how different i am. Am i really happy, am i really different? I'm the same person dealing with the same issues, however the only difference is i don't have to rush off to check a bet, or add up in my head what i lost or won and whether i can pay a bill or whether i need to double up on a gauranteed bet later on.

My wife went for some girly time at the weekend at her friends, we needed some stuff from the shops, she didn't think before she was getting ready and when she went to pick someone up she dropped me my bank card to go and get the shopping with the kids. That was the longest 12 minutes of my life. For 12 minutes, my mind was running faster than Usain Bolt. £10, £20, £100, no one would know, i'd get away with it, i'd solve our problems, it's easy. I was scared of having that card in my posession for the whole night until she came home. I had thoughts of leaving the kids in bed and nipping out to a bookies or casino, something.

When she came back i was pacing around, sweating, i thrust my card on her, i couldn't look her in the eyes, i hadn't even done anything wrong, but i felt so guilty for having the thoughts i did. I told her i couldn't cope with having the card and she had to give me cash or else i wouldn't go, yes this messed things up but i really didn't want to fight those demons for several hours.

I explained the whole event to her and then what does she go and do..... She apologised. Why the heck was she apologising to me, what had she done wrong, she had done what millions of people would do, hand over a card and send the other half out to the shops. I'm the failure and problem.

It's very easy abstaining from Gambling when you have nothing to gamble with, very easy to not be bothered and to let the thoughts come and go because you can't do anything about it. The first instance in 60+ days i had access to money and i was a dripping mess.

Life goes on, i'm happy, i kow i cannot be trusted with money, my wife is happy i can talk if i need to and to open up and say no.

As always, i'm determined to be better today than yesterday.

Today I will not gamble

All the best to everyone for another GF day. Let's smash it again!

Good honest post Dan. ..and massive respect for not caving in to your addiction. ...those urges and thoughts are all fine...not nice I know...but I think there all part of the learning process. ..you dealt with them...didn't cave in..so that's a posative result in my eyes...
I can empathise with you regarding your wife's reaction...but at least you explained to her how it made you feel. ...and to her,your honesty will have highlighted how strong addiction is...but more importantly how serious your taking your recovery ...so all in all...what you thought was maybe a negative event....I think was actually a very posative one ...and all part of the journey...x

Just a welcome to Thursday message, from your wing woman!!! Bet you have been waiting all your life to have one of those!!

Hope all is well, keep moving forward Dan, it will get easier, it will get better, it will all be okay. I have faith in you, you can borrow some of that, to top yours up if needed. Sharing is caring.

Am off work until Monday, have given into the fact that I am having trouble breathing. Medical people, really are the worst type of patients eh!

We got this!!!

Julie x

Hi Dan,

Spent a bit of time the past few days reading through your diary start to finish. Wow, you have come an incredible way in the past 2 months! Take my hat off to you m8.

Imagine how much more frantic things would be if you were still gambling?

By stopping gambling we have to face upto the everyday challenges that in the past we either avoided or were in such a haze we just didn't really care about that much. They were irrelevant to us but not to others.

It will get easier in time to be responsible for money again but for now keep doing what you are doing it's working and for now that's all that matters.

Loxxie makes a great point.

P.s do whatever it takes to get on that holiday with your family. (asides robbing a bank or gambling if you get me)

I went away early on in the recovery phase it was so worth it. When you are out of the UK there is no bookies everywhere, posters, adverts on tv etc it will do you the world of good. It will give you time away from daily pressures to have fun with your wife and kids, reflect and motivate yourself for the future. Plus if you stayed behind on your own then you would be vunerable to situations like the 12 minutes you described above.

I've struggled a bit this week but your recovery has given me a lift again!

Thanks, Tommy.

Good morning,

My Monday greeting (on a Sunday night), hope the weekend has been kind to the family and you. Have one day in work tomorrow, then off for annual leave. Flying to Ireland on Wednesday for 6 days, then that madeness is over!! Anyways want to get an early ish night. Have a great start to Monday.

Julie x

24th April Day 88 GF Today

An entire 20 days since my last post. I decided to give Gamcare a break for a while, i was bemused by negativity, people berated on group chat and some people being high and mighty on other peoples posts. We all have an opinion, we all have an addiction and we all try and deal with it in one way or another. I'd like to think there is not just one right way, but several roads that all lead to the same path of enlightenment. (Gamble Free)

I'm not silly enough to think i can manage my addiction on my own, it's useful to remind ourselves of where we was, what we had become and reading through some fresh posts from people just starting that journey does just that. Well, 88 days ago i had contemplated suicide.

In the last 88 days i have done the following

Not committed suicide

Saved my marriage (this is ongoing)

Removed the threat of losing my house

Created a DMP with all my creditors (all approved and payments being made)

Helped my wife finish setting up her own business, which is thriving and now on month 3 will double potentially treble the salary she has been on the last 5 years.

I know that if i had chosen to continue to gamble, i would have lost my children, wife and house. I would not be here.

I do know that this wouldn't have happened without the help of some individuals on gamcare.

As always, i'm determined to be better today than yesterday.

Today I will not gamble

All the best to everyone for another GF day. Let's smash it again!

Great post Dan. Glad to read you are doing so well. Best wishes, Phil.

Your back! Nice to see your face. 🙂

Have a cracking day 🙂

2nd May Day 96 GF Today

So i'm fast approaching my 100 day mark. What a difference my life is from 100 days ago.

These last few days have been difficult, it's been a weekend of sport which i enjoy and would normally bet on. F1, Boxing and the Final of the snooker championships. The F1 and boxing didn't bother me, but the snooker had all the thoughts of Selby making a comeback and i knew he would being 4-10 down. So what did i do?

I went in to our massive kitchen / dining room and cleaned every inch of it in fine detail, just kept myself busy. The thoughts came and went all day and night, but i beat it again. I will continue to do so. I'm not going to abstain from the things i enjoy watching these sports just because i have a gambling issue, otherwise i'd have nothing to enjoy anymore and then what is the point....

Hope everyone else is continuing on their journeys and are happy too.

As always, i'm determined to be better today than yesterday.

Today I will not gamble

All the best to everyone for another GF day. Let's smash it again!

Great post Dan! It is inevitable we will still have gambling thoughts when watching these big sporting events we always used to historically have a punt on. But you handled it brilliantly! As time goes on you will enjoy watching them without having a bet.

There are these challenges that we come up against that are a more of a test than the usual temptations but once you get through it you feel so much better the next day.

Well played fella - bring on the 100 day mark!