Dan's Journey

I am sure that kitchen/dining room is spotless you could eat your dinner from the floor. I am so pleased for your progress on this GF journey, nearly at the 100 days mark. Who knew back then, I think I always had faith in you. Such an achievement.

I hope you have a lovely week, keep moving forward, keep smiling, keep the faith.

Take care.

Julie x

Just wanted to leave you a Gamcare message for tomorrow.

100 Days Dan!! 100 long days that you have walked the road of being gamble free. Easy days, hard days, hungry days, sad days, days with hope!! You have been a constant support to me since your drifted into my life all those months ago. Everything happens for a reason, and for that I am very grateful. Tomorrow and the next day and the next week, are all about the future. Walk tall, walk proud, you have turned this around Dan, from that very first post, that touched so many of us, to now, to the amazing person that you are. Catch you very soon in the reality of life, but for tomorrow, know that you have smashed this my friend!!!!! X

Julie

Well done on hitting 100 (101!) days Dan!

8th May Day 102 GF Today

Thanks for your messages Julie & Phil.

Hit the 100 days mark. Don't know how i feel about it, i suppose the best word is numb. I've not mentioned the 100 days to anyone i personally know, i know it's an achievement however, i feel numb about it.

Don't know why and can't explain.

Hope everyone is continuing on their journeys and are happy too.

As always, i'm determined to be better today than yesterday.

Today I will not gamble

All the best to everyone for another GF day. Let's smash it again!

15th May Day 108 GF Today

Find it difficult to post, trying to hold down more or less 2 full time jobs and my kids at the minute.

Each time i log on, i start to read other posts to remind me or my journey, i'm not ready yet to advise someone who is just coming to terms with an addiction, some things are still raw to me.

By the third or fourth post i get fed up of the same handful of people who just because they have a little more experience, be it gambling, beating the addiction, or life they think they can belittle the new people who are here for help.

Of the new people who only post once or twice, i would love to find out how many carried on gambling or had no intention of stopping, or how got a reponse of one of those handful of people and thought, nah this isn't for me.

I was lucky the people who got involved with me on my first posts, i wouldn't be here without them, and i have continued support from one or two people, whom i regard highly and as me they are still fighting demons. Similarly to myself, they have found something to occupy themselves which has a greater meaning.

Lets not forget, when people log on here, or seek any help it is usually because they are near breaking point, that point for so many is full of shame, embarrassment and guilt. It blurts out and many may not agree with it, but peoples minds are doing overtime because they are frantic and want help.

**EDIT**

I have just come back and edited because i am appauled at what i have just read.

A wife of a CG has been applauded by happy clapper wifes of CG's for not letting her husband go to a GA meeting and leaving him with the kids so she can go to a Gamanon meeting.

To me that is like giving cancer treatment to the husband/wife of someone who is suffering with cancer and not the cancer sufferer themselves and hoping they will last another day.

You wonder why this person is not giving up gambling when the tools are being taken away from him to stop.

As always, i'm determined to be better today than yesterday.

Today I will not gamble

All the best to everyone for another GF day. Let's smash it again!

Some things are raw for me too, and I get that. I used to be able to read back through my diary, but this last few weeks I cannot. Coming to Gamcare is a step for people, and they crash through the door in all sorts of states...This may be the first time that they have admitted they have a gambling problem, and what they have done with that gambling problem, may not be the prettiest but it is the truth and the reality of their life at that moment. I like yourself have been very lucky in the few people that we have met, that have truely supported us. I don't think I would be in the position I am in tonight without that support and care. And then there are the others, the keyboard warriors, the 'lets be honest approach' where in fact they are not being honest, they are atoning people for the mistakes that their partner or family or themselves have committed, that they have not yet settled and drawn a line under. I try and live my life by the assumption of not judging anyone. I cannot see the point of judging others, when to coin an ODAAT phrase, my side of the street is not clean. And it isn't Dan. All I do know is, the person that crashed through that door over 100 days ago, is getting there slowly but surely. The numbness will ease a little, talking and understanding yourself more and more will do that. Leaning on people on those days that you need a shoulder will do that. Reaching out will do that. And being you will do that. There are some people in this life that cannot be helped, there are some people that need to be ignored, there are some that you walk shoulder to shoulder with (if they cannot reach your shoulder, offer them a ladder). Gamcare is, what Gamcare is, an open forum, with that comes many elements. Take the best, give a little, smile a little, care a little, and the odd time, put a few lids on a few boxes.

Julie x

WOW, an angry man there Dan!

I tend to flick through and in truth I had to read your last post again! WOW! Very passive aggressive coming from you, only a suggestion but why not edit all of it? For the life of me, I can't get your cancer comparison ??? That could P***s some off, it did me !!

Keep smashing them days hai but not the good people of gamcare

Also a little disappointed to read the aggression there Dan 🙁 I can't think of anyone on here who sets out to belittle new members & the post that you refer to has validity. As gamblers, we create the chaos, yes, we need help & support overcoming it but we're used to living with lies & deceit our loved ones have literally had the rug pulled out from under them. I agree with Paul, the cancer comparison is in very poor taste. The tools aren't being taken away from the gambler...As a GA member, he has options for support outside the meeting. It's not ideal but having that sort of bombshell dropped needs everyone to find their own recovery.

I understand that you may not agree with the efforts of people who are here, trying to pay it forwards but they are here & with the best intentions. There are going to be disagreements, triggers, light bulbs, it's the nature of the beast, take what you want & try not to let the rest upset you...All you can control is you - ODAAT

We're all fallible and unfortunately many of us have posted emotionally or said something others find inappropriate in chat on the spur of the moment. I'm not taking sides or looking for a spat - especially on someone else's diary - but I think Dan has done what many of us have done (including myself) and perhaps posted hastily whilst feeling heightened emotions to something he read? Best wishes and remember you are doing great Dan. Phil.

Hi Diary

I think Phil is right (hi Phil ^waves)

I had no anger, i'm not an angry person, i posted it on my diary to remind me at a later date of how it made me feel, i didn't aim it at anyone or post on any other persons diary they are wrong or bang out of order. Mainly because thats their opinion they are allowed to have it. If i did, then maybe i may apologise but i won't because i told myself in my own diary to remind me and me alone. However I did post emotionally.

I imagine myself in the same persons situation, how would i cope? how would i react? what would that mean to me?

So putting that in practice on the post i read it like this,

i came clean to my wife after advice on here. She made me move out of our marital home and told me i could see the kids on her terms or at weekends until i can prove i am committed at beating my addiction.

So i went about doing my best and grabbing whatever advice and help i can get. I turn up to GA in hope they can help me and then i want to go to my second session to continue to prove i want to beat this. Then my wife says "no you can't go, you need to look after the kids because i'm going to a gamanon meeting"

Back to reality - how do i see this, i see that my wife has put a barrier in front of me, stopping me from getting the help i need to prove i am trying and doing my best to stop. I understand she needs help to understand whats happened, but whilst i am not home everyone is suffering, more importantly the kids. To end that suffering is to end/abstain from gambling.

When i read someone applauded the wife for going to gamanon instead of letting her husband go to GA, it upset me.

I am all for the other half to get help to understand and to help deal with the concequences they have been dealt. I have a wife and i can tell you i know first hand how she feels, she tells me often and i have to live with that shame and embarrassment.

I posted with frustration and empathy to the bloke who was/is struggling and having his tools taken away from him to get through this and to repair his family. I had empathy for the children who didn't see their dad each night when they went to bed. I felt empathy for the wife who slept alone and had to deal with the emotional rollercoaster of doing this on her own whilst dealing with the fact she kicked her husband out.

I didn't post on that because i don't want to give that empathy / pitty / advice or whatever, because i'm not ready to give that, i'm still fighting my own battles.

As always, i'm determined to be better today than yesterday.

Today I will not gamble

All the best to everyone for another GF day. Let's smash it again!

Good post Dan. I know all about the shame and embarassment believe me and I take it on the chin whenever my wife mentions it because it was me who caused a) our finances to collapse b) a massive strain on our marriage and c) her ongoing re-building trust in me - which can go up and down which I fully accept.

Back to your post above and as you said this is your diary. Where I live there is only one GA meeting a week and one Gamanon meeting fortnightly although they do a weekly online meeting on a Sunday. I suppose a good compromise for a couple (re-building their relationship) who live somewhere or near somewhere with more regular meetings of the two organisations above is to agree days when one or the other goes to a meeting. Obviously I know it can be more complicated than that when someone is feeling desperate and needs face-to-face support but I know from attending a different fellowship that phone numbers are often exchanged with like-minded attendees so there is a support network or sorts there. Not as good as a meeting perhaps or chatting over a cuppa but something at least.

Just my view. Best wishes, Phil.

Hi,

I've not posted in a while, been busy with life and getting on with things.

Just wanted to drop by to remind myself of what i did and what happened. The devil on the shoulder has been shouting these past few weeks, however, i haven't. Which i'm so pleased about.

As always, i'm determined to be better today than yesterday.

Today I will not gamble

All the best to everyone for another GF day. Let's smash it again!

Hi Dan, pleased to see you are still GF...is life good?

Hi Dan, glad to read you are still GF - 171 days! Seems to have gone fast. Best wishes, Phil.

Hope you are doing ok Dan. Been a while since you posted.