DaveUK - New Diary

Hi Dave. It's only a small consolation but at least some of our gamblers antics can make us smile.

Like you I often say I ran/ bumped into an old friend, which, judging by all the trips made to the garage, is a distinct possibility. As far as I can recall none of them have ever been seriously injured !!

In the days when bookies were thick with tobacco smoke I'd come home smelling like the proverbial ashtray. As both my wife and I are non-smokers I always had to say I'd met someone who smoked and I must have been standing downwind while we talked. I suspect she thought I'd been down the pub so if pushed I'd have got out of jail on the lesser of two evils !! ( what say you we lobby Parliament to get smoking re-instated in bookies ? That might help to keep some of us out )

The chip incident made me smile....I assume when there's a queue at the local chippie it stretches away from your house. Otherwise if it was an hour long your other half would've definitely been suspicious as the queue would have snaked right past your own front door ( lol )

Best wishes

Right - time for and update.

Have remained off Roulette Machine for 2 months which feels like an achievement.

The pain of my last loss have gone if I am honest so the next few weeks will be a challenge. You guys all know the cycle which is lose, hate the machine, forget the loss, gamble. lose etc.............

I hope I remain strong.......

2 months is a fantastic achievement Dave, you've got it right re the cycle, but I know you can break though it! Keep strong-

Simon

D,

Well done with regrads to your time away from it as anytime spent away from it for a compulsive gambler is a miracle.

You've got the viscious cycle spot on. Any normal person wouldnt get through the cycle 1st time around finding how bad it was bt we are not normal.

The thing to remember about the cycle is there is nothing good about it, just misery, heartache and financial drain.

See yourself as now being in the recovery cycle which has no gambling but does have peace of mind, self respect and happiness.

No so called winner (temporary loan) can buy that.

Best Wishes

I am struggling to put onto words how I feel tonight.

I am ashamed, angry, sorry, pathetic and a fool.

For some reason I have allowed myself to drift back onto the FOBT Roulette game. No real surprise that j won lost it and a couple of hundred pounds on top.

Why o why do I do it? Why ?

The only consolation is financially I am not in much worse position had I have stopped in September but that's not the point.

I am a very greedy selfish man - very greedy.

This is kind of a last chance saloon for me I think. I can justify my loss in my mind but don't want to - it's wrong and it's weak.

I guess I have to start again and post regularly.

I am a fool - really stupid.

Dave your not a fool, and your not stupid,you are however addicted to gambling on a machine that is designed to foster your addiction,a machine on which you simply can't win on in the long term,Maybe limiting the amount of money you can access will help?,that's something that i have in place and it certainly helps me:).Don't give up on giving up mate.

Seano.

Thanks Seano - it's good of young add toy diary.

I need to get in my deluded head that they are not and never will be a way to make money. I guess what is done is done and I know I am to blame.

As much as it hurts this is day 1 again and it needs to be the last day 1. I have dabbled with these for far too long and although it's mostly been a case of win lose then stop for a while you can guarantee the stop overall I have far less than I started with.

The two big challenges to overcome for me are to accept the money has gone and I have no real idea how much I have lost over the years and secondly I need to keep strong when the effects of my recent losses have gone.

I am 43 and need to get real - the feeling of 'it would never happen to me' i used to get after reading about peope who have lost everything is now not such an impossibility if I don't stop gambling now.

I recognise I am addicted and I need to sort this out.

I think I have hit what is for me 'rock bottom'.

When I walked away from the bookies yesterday it felt like a bad dream and I just wanted to curl up and cry.

Ah well a day complete again - somehow some good has to come of this - not sure what I will do but will use my downfall to help others.

Sounds stupid and I am probably just trying to justify my stupidity but in a way I am glad I lost all I won (and more besides) as I should have never had the money in the first place.

Just keep walking Dave, you do NOT need those machines, no what ifs , no maybes , you CAN stop the rot Dave.

With you all the way mate.

TC

Kim x

Kim - thank you. I was hoping to hear from you as you always seem to say the right thing.

Sorry I am only back because things have gone wrong - I don't deserve your help really.

I have no choice - I have to sort this now. I was looking online last night and am going to get hold of a copy of Phil Mawers book.

Thanks again and heres to a gamble free day today.

I cannot gamble because I am greedy and always want to win more and will ALWAYS lose in the end. Todays winnings are tomorrows losses - and more besides.

dave dont be too hard on yourself mate...we ALL have to hit rock bottom before the penny drops....i felt exactly like you on my very first post...BUT with help from these pages and counsellin through gamcare day by day i am fighting this evil.....its defo not easy friend by a long way but each day just loggin in sayin just for today i will not gamble helps me...the gambling gremlins hate that saying 😉 maybes read seanos fobt topic on the overcoming page...chin up dave as each day grows as will your confidence to beat this...best wishes,believe in yourself,you can do this dave 🙂

Been thinking today about how long I have been off and on the roulette machines and its longer than I thought. I have had periods of abstainence for many months but always drifted back.

I have followed a systematic pattern of win, lose what I won (and a little more), feel P****d off, try again, win, lose and so on.

Day 2 has been a success but not really surprised as its easy to stay off after a loss.

I have to also admit the attraction of gambling has always been with me. I loved the slots when we went on holiday as a youngster, loved them as a teenager and in my 20's but always had control.

One thing I have never forgotten is when I was about 10 we stood outside the arcade at Butlins as it was closing for the night and watched as they emptied the machines - 'theres the only winners' my dad said. How right he was! Thirty years on - the owners are still the only winners.

Hi Dave,

If you get a chance go on the BBC i-player and watch Inside London from last monday (6/12) - be quick as the programmes are only on it for a week. There was a piece on how Bookie's open shop after shop after shop all close together as they're only allowed 4 FOBT's per shop - they are the most lucrative money-maker they can have. I also can't believe that nobody is lobbying for more awareness of the damage these (and gambling) does. I worked for a major bookie at their HQ for many years and I NEVER remember any customer's winning long term on betting or casino games in all those years. You are good guy with a tiny weak spot that is vigorously exploited by these machines. I promise you that of the Fat Cat bosses lapping up their bonuses and shareholders reaping the rewards of the profits from these machines - none of them use FOBT's! I have never agreed with using physical illnesses as metaphors for habits and addictions of this kind but FOBT's are like a cancer that spreads too quickly to be treated. Stay strong and have some self belief that you are a winner in the fact that you will beat this. This is not something that is entirely self-inflicted - you have been expoited in a very cruel fashion. Hold your head up, forget the losses AND THE WINS, and put it down to experience. You are a good person with a decent conscience and enough self awareness to come on here and discuss your issues. You will beat this.

Best wishes,

Kev.

Hi Kev - thank you for the BBCi link.

I have taken a look and it reinforces all the sensible views on the site.

There is just one reason why they want more FOBT's and its not to hand out money to idiots like me!

I did not fully appreciate how much they prey on the vunerable and did not like to admit until a couple of days ago that I am vunerable - how awful. Its like giving free booze to full blown and borderline alchoholics in the hope they will get even more addicted and then start buying alchohol to boost the retailers profits.

There must be an awful lot of clever and devious thinking behind the FOBT's and I for one have been captured by them.

Lets hope I can kickthe cycle once and for all and help others along the way.

Thanks again for the link mate.

Day 4 - obviously no gambling as hurting badly from last loss.

I was playing straight into the hands of those who design the machines - they must know that to play the machines in the first place you must have a bit of a greedy personality and its then a win-win situation for them because a wim prompts a return visit to try and win more and a loss prompts us to chase. All very clever.

What I do know is that I must keep away - no if's, buts or maybes just keep away.

This is going to sound a horrible thing to say - when I looked at the old men in the shop they were dirty, smelly and unkept - I often wondered if they had a lifetime of losing money and just don't want to end up like them.

Best I don't play the FOBT's anymore or that will be me one day!